Stunning Stranger

Wrote this from a male's perspective, just a little something I wrote that turned out to be really fun

Legs like the Nile,
With a million dollar smile.
Breath like cinnamon,
With New York City style.

I wonder if she knows,
And I wonder if it shows,
That I'm dying for her kiss,
With words I can't compose.

When you're in her view,
Those blue eyes fixed on you,
You feel your body shake,
With a feeling that is new.

Suppose I got that kiss,
And she starts to bite my lip.
I could melt right there,
Or see the end of it.

I see our future now,
And if she would allow,
I'd sweep her off her feet
And give her all my vows.

So her heels clicked by,
And I think I caught her eye,
But she walked right past,
And our future was a lie.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

I have no words.....my voice is in my awe!! Well done! (I think "starts" needs to be "started" but other than that this is fantastic)

[Kesha]

Oh my goodness, this was visually stunning and so perfect, I loved the rhyming scheme throughout and then the ending just broke my heart "And our future was a lie" geez what a shame, was looking forward to him "getting the girl" so to speak. Nicely penned

[Brooke]

Thank you for the review! I love playful sounding poems with just a touch of something else at the end. Thanks for reading :)

[Kesha]

You're welcome :)

[Eyes_wide_open]

I really love this piece. You wrote with many descriptive words, and that helped me to imagine the scenery. I really felt the main characters point of view, and I enjoyed that this poem seemed to be the thoughts of the main character. I liked the way that the thoughts remained unspoken.

[Brooke]

Thanks so much! Sorry for the late reply. I love that you were able to get a real feel for the poem, and able to imagine the scenario !

[Alessander]

really admire you adopting the male perspective. it takes a bit more imagination to speak through the eyes of the opposite sex, or someone who has exact opposite views, or an dog or alien for that matter lol

I thought you did a fine job of sticking to the format you set up for yourself (abaa).

It's very compact and not cumbersome. It flows well and feels natural, which is sometimes hard to pull off following a pattern.

Aside from the 'poetic' the psychology rings true.

Men do in fact get 'swept off their feet' just as (or more so I would argue) then women.

Men tend to be more visual, so all these visual details a man would indeed notice. Now, we're not going to know the brand of the high heels lol but they'll def linger in our mind.

And all this creates a sorta fantasy which in the end, indeed is a lie - or self-delusion.

On another level, it's a bit objectifying of a woman, and it ends as an object sorta floating by, and disillusionment.

Good stuff.

"Is it perfume from a dress/that makes me so digress?"

Love Song of J. Alfred Prucrock

[Brooke]

Thank you!! It was a nice challenge when writing this piece, I've written a few more from this perspective as well. I admire the perspective and find it so compellingly interesting, and fun to write from!

[Bare trees]

Oh how true this can be. I recall a couple of girls that passed me right by in similar situations.

Nice little poem Brooke.

[Brooke]

Why thank you !! Xo