Fated Betrayal

            This burning in my chest. What is it? Why does it hurt? Could it be because of him? The mere thought of him and his betrayal hurt more than I ever expected. I couldn’t have fallen in love with him, could I? All that training I went through to harden my heart, to cut off my emotions, was it all for nothing? What should I do now? Calder, this has to be a dream. You promised you would always stay by my side, with the resistance. You said we would take down their monarchy together. Even though you said that, you joined them. Why?

            “Anya.”

            “Hm? Oh, it’s you, Rion. What is it?”

            “Are you alright?”

            I looked at him, masking my sadness and hurt. He looked away, embarrassed. I had never shown him this side of me. Rion was the only person I could show my emotions to. That was partly because we had grown up together. No matter how hard I tried, even now, he always knew how I was feeling. It was a stupid question to ask me if I was alright, of course I wasn’t. How could I be? My greatest rival and the resistance’s most formidable ally had joined our enemy.

            “Did Calder ever say anything to you about doubting the resistance?”

            “No, not at all. Anya, I’m sure he has his reasons. Calder isn’t stupid.”

            “No, but he’s realistic. The resistance is losing; it has always been on the losing side. Their monarchy grows stronger every day. The fear they strike into our hearts has caused some of our bravest people to join them. When they called us fools, maybe they were right. What if we are the fools to keep naively believing that we, this small group of inexperienced fighters, can defeat such a strong, well-equipped army.”

            “Anya, you can’t think that way! We all believe in what we are doing here! We have to free the people�"the world�"of their tyranny! Please, you are the bravest of us all. You carried us here�"“

            “But Calder carried me. Now, he’s gone.”

            “Lady Anya, perhaps it is time we left before our enemy catches up to us,” my chief-in-command, Arai, suggested.

            “Right. Arai, gather everyone. We leave in two hours.”

            I stood up and rolled up my blanket. Rion watched me for a moment before breaking off to pack his things. Sighing, I tied my belongings to my horse. Startled, he began panicking before I calmed him down by stroking his mane. I had always been excellent with horses�"and fascinated as well. They are such strong, beautiful creatures, and I aspired to be like that. To be strong like a man, yet beautiful like the woman I was born to be�"to be like my mother. She was the most beautiful woman in our village, and all the men drooled over her. When provoked however, or defending her beliefs, my mother could handle a sword with such ease and grace that even the best swordsmen fell at her feet. Because of her strength, I trained every day and soon, I was stronger with a sword than any man in my village. Well, I was�"until Calder arrived.

            “It’s not like it matters now anyway. He’s not coming back. He betrayed us,” I muttered bitterly.

            I could always count on my stubbornness and short-temper to get in the way of my heart. I clutched my cloak, feeling the warm beating of a young heart beneath�"a heart that desires adventure. Suddenly, a gust of frosty wind rushed past me, stripping my hood from my head. I swiftly pulled it back and wrapped the cloak tighter around my shoulders. The snow bit my face ferociously. Realizing that my hands were growing numb again, I breathed on them and tucked them into my pockets. The sky shone in a faded gray light, giving me a shadow on the white snow. Clouds crawled through the sky as if being dragged by the wind of the valley. Somewhere beyond them, a gorgeous eternity of stars glittered. It was the one thing everyone in this world shared. No matter how rich you are, whether you are a slave or an orphan because everyone in the world always slept beneath the same sky. I liked to think of it as the one thing that was the same between us and those monsters. As this war continues, that line becomes blurred as we kill for the sake of what we believe in�"the same philosophy as the monarchy we seek to overthrow. Ironic, isn’t it? In the end, we all become the monster we fear. That’s what makes us human.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a good beginning. The story has been set up nicely, conveying some knowledge of the characters & the setting. The most intense part of the writing is this dramatic tone that is carried thru-out. This story feels like it may have some imaginary aspects, not feeling like a story about everyday life in the real world. It's like we're being led into some epic battle. The line I liked best is about wanting to be strong like a man & beautiful like a woman. I believe we all hold male & female attributes. A well-balanced person can embrace both. Well-written & clear & easy to follow.

[Brooke]

Thank you! I like your in-depth analysis, it really helps!

[hi]

ok i think this is a good start to a story and i love fantasy stories,
but still the story seems blan but it is only the first part so i guess i was thinking it was going to be a war at the start