The darkness in life

When the only love you have ever known is a soul wrenching love

They say a Scorpio only falls in love once in their life.
The truth is revealing itself through this unmanageable strife.
Weeks go by and I feel no pain no heartache at all.
Then suddenly out of nowhere to my knees I fall.
Flashbacks of me and you rapidly run through my mind.
I try to escape and run away but when I close my eyes it's your face I find.
Deep suppressed memories start to flood my head.
As I start to feel the only emotion I so truly dread.
Your smile your arms around me your breath taking eyes.
The betrayal the broken promises the heart wrenching lies.
The river the truck rides our me and you games.
I'm still waiting for tomorrow but tomorrow never came.
This agonizing pain feels like it will never go away
And there's so many things I'll never get to say.
What more can I give all you want is more and more and more.
Shhh, if you listen closely you can hear my heart shattered as it hits the floor.
The worst kind of torture suffering and pain.
Is the feeling I get when I hear your name.
Looking out the window as raindrops fall from the skys.
Then i collapse to my knees and raindrops fall from my eyes.
Screaming your name but you never seem to hear.
Always feeling so alone especially when you're near.
The darkness the confusion the emptiness inside.
Why do I look okay you ask? because it's the scarring truth I always hide.
So sick of living in this deep depression and Shame.
I refuse to look in the mirror because tattooed on my neck is your name.
What have I done to deserve your hearts constant rejection.
Your words are lethal poison causing my heart an infection.
Rip out my heart and destroy my soul.
There's a pain caused anger deep inside you'll never ever know.
Please answer one question how do I keep living or even get out of bed.
When deep down inside I'm already dead?