chapter 8

I awoke to the sun shining and birds singing. Kids running around outside playing their silly little games. My mother wasn’t back yet. Making me feel oh so lonesome. I wish my love were here with me. Laying by my side. My head on his chest. Him kissing my forehead.

But sigh its only me today. Maybe I’ll walk to Jaci’s and see if she wants to go to the mall. All this self pity is making me sick. I cant take doing nothing and just thinking anymore. It makes me feel worthless. Unimportant. Unable to do anything.

The sun is to bright. The sky is to blue. F**k more self pity. The walk is so tiring but I guess its worth seeing your best friend. Even when you know all it might do is bring you down more. Knowing she might ask what happened after she left. Every word. Every detail.

Which will only want to make those tears burst threw the dam in your eyes. Soaking your face like rain soaking your hair. Your eyes turning that bunny nose pink. The red lines appearing like cracks in the earth during an earthquake. Your heart just about ready to explode from your chest.  The pain so unbearable.

Even though I feel like I could very well loose myself any second, I really enjoyed sitting out side. Smelling the flowers. They smell like joy, happiness, peacefulness. The birds’ song was peaceful also. As if to tell the world listen to our song. I watched the kids run. One riding his biking chasing a little girl on her scooter. It reminded me of two summers back.

Before Jake and I even met. I was dating one of my best friends. He use to chase me all around the neighborhood. Even before we were dating we stuck like glue. Unfortunetly when we broke up our friendship left to. He went from being a sweetheart to being a horrible monster. But I guess when your younger you don’t have to grow up. Well some don’t. Others chose to.

Walking always helps clear your mind. I mean you get distracted by everything busy going past you. You smell the air and release the negative energy. You open your eyes to a new perspective. You hear things better. Its like once you enter this world your senses are inhansted. And not by a small percentage. But more like a huge percentage.  Your sense of touch lets you feel your feelings. In depth. Not just the ache of pain or the smile of happy, but you feel them. Touch them. You feel colors pop out everywhere. Its like a new world of 3D.