Haunted By My Absent Heart

A poem about the pain I still feel from the breakup with the guy I love...

I'm so tired of letting you haunt my present
Makin me scared of what lies in the future
Afraid to let my heart go again
But how can I when I keep giving it right back to you?

 

It's been a while
It shouldn't hurt anymore
The pain makes me want to bleed again
But I know that I can't

 

Had to leave town just to get away
Though I let others, and even myself, think it was for other reasons
That reason is you
All my reasons are you

 

You take over my dreams
Making me cry all over again
You creep into my waking hours
Making me be strong again

 

I try not to miss you
I try not to care
I know I'll always love you
But the way I love you isn't fair

 

For a while I knew I'd hurt
But I'm supposed to be okay now
I even moved on once
But couldn't give my heart to him, when it wasn't mine to give

 

I want to be your friend
I promise I'm really trying
But even with you right next to me
I still always end up crying

 

You loved me once
And even now I guess I just don't understand
What happened, how that faded overnight
It was never part of our plan

 

Even as I write this a tear runs down my cheek
In gorgeous Arizona
Where happiness I seek
It's hard to continue on, I'm so very weak

 

I say I want true love
I even know who I like
But none of it really matters
And I can't help but wonder if it ever will

 

Why do you get to feel less pain
When you are the one that caused it in the first place?
Why does my heart still beat for you
While yours goes on unharmed?

 

Part of me wishes I never loved you
That I never would have met you
While the other half craves going back for just one minute
To feel the warmth of your love and arms again

 

I'll never have you back
And that knowledges has killed me inside
I laugh, I smile, I live on, I even fooled myself
But the truth is, I'm dead
And the only thing that can wake me from this slumber
Is your touch, that I will never have again