Fallen Promises

 

 

I try to capture
Every lions breath, Liars breath
while saving breaths
Shave the exterior layer you see
and false promises run rampant
Scary figures with the touch of silk
Milking in the one forever dream
and fallen promises you see
change, destroy, remake you see
for once and although its cruel to say
one day I want to see you bleed

Author's Note

Yeah when I was little this book made me cry.

Reviews

[ruth]

I like this poem of yours, it is interesting, and also powerful. The llines that i love were,
"Scary figures with the touch of silk
Milking in the one forever dream"

great poem!
-ruth

[Elizabeth]

That book always made me cry, too. It's an appropriate bridge to your work, here. Is it cruel to say you want to see them bleed? Perhaps, not. Sometimes Lions and Liars just get what they get, don't they? I love the rhyhym and word play. Especially this part: Every lions breath, Liars breath
while saving breaths". Well done.

[Barbara Walker]

You know what I love about poetry? You can say so VERY much, with just a few words, as you do in this poem. You've constructed this very well, it flows smoothly, the tone is perfect for the subject. The last line speaks volumes for how you feel about these type people. Great write! Barbara

[DevilsNeedLove2]

You've amazed me twice. I think it's a safe bet you'll do it again.

I absolutely love the rhythm of this poem, created by the repetitive words: breath, breath breaths, see, see, see. The last line is sharp, final, and forceful.

I think you may have made a typo:
"change, destory, remake you see"

(The Giving Tree still makes me cry. I lovingly saved all of my Shel Silverstein books. He was one of my favorites as a kid.)

[Vanessa]

Ha, I like the ending. Smug.... succint.
Anyway, this is really cool in a swirly, colorful kind if way, in that the words are paisly.