Random thoughts.

Just a small thing that I mustered together,

I think behind the depths of my despair, is forgiveness. Somewhere along the lines of all the negative thoughts, is me accepting what happened, happened. I just cannot understand the thoughts that are roaming around in my head. Am I in denial? Am I accepting it? Do I want something different? Am I really wanting out? No. That’s why my heart is telling me. my heart is telling me to stop being so stupid, and to just accept that what’s done is done. It happened, it was a mistake, it won’t ever happen again. I hope. That’s the nagging thought in the back of my head. Whenever he’s out, I’ll be a nervous wreck. Nervous of him doing it again. Would he call it a mistake that time? Would he just keep it to himself? Or would he tell me? When other people find out… will they call me an idiot? A mug? Would I be one of those idiotic people that just stayed with them, because they know nothing else but that? I really don’t know.

 

My head is all over the place. I need a drink. Something strong. Something mind-numbingly strong. I need to forget about all of this, somehow.