Vulner ABLE ("I Lost" Vol. 4)

I don't know.....

 

"It's been awhile.....since I can say that I wasn't addicted

It's been awhile.....since I can say that I love myself as well"

                            - Staind,  "It's been awhile"

 

Vulner ABLE

("I Lost" Vol. 3)

 

by "NakedAsTheDayIWasBorn" Crewe

 

 

 

I really want you to look,

            But I'd rather you didn't see

All of the insecurities,

securing my "Me"

I know I can be,

  everything you want me to be

I've been in love,

          it's just that

no one's ever been in love WITH.....me

 

but you made me do it alone,

you were suppose to do it with me!

we were both suppose to jump when we counted to three!

one......

   two....

                      tool

 

I feel like the biggest fool

 

Me jumping, you staying,

Falling without a ‘chute or a pool

 

I can't even look into a mirror

Ashamed of my own reflection!

And with bloody knuckles,

I taught this glass mirror a lesson!

DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME!

I can't even stand to see

The vulnerABLE "ility"

           you put inside of me!

 

 

What the f**k is wrong with me!?!?!?

I keep my ambitions high, go to work wearing a fly suit with matching shirt and a tie, got a 401K plan, & a stable car & place, with no kids, or any "baby mama drama" as of TODAY, read over 500 books, I've taken lessons to cook, and I don't base my attraction to women, just by their looks, I read and write poetry, paint, and love my mother, my pops is my best friend, though I still fight with my brother, I pray everyday, eat the vegetables on my plate, and I can give your car a tune-up, change the oil & brakes, I'm quick on the uptake, funny as hell, the sex is safe, and I can f**k like a 20 year, paroled prison inmate! So as I say what I'm saying, one thing only haunts me, and with water blurring my vision I wonder......

WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT ME?!

 

I worshiped every print......

that came from her feet!

But see,

     she took advantage of my vulnerA-bility!

I opened up & told her things

        I haven't even told God yet

We made "pinky promises",

 two peas in a pod but yet......

She wasn't honest!

        And I think, honestly.....

  I need to be

Up in a club to find a girl

         I can get home with me!

 

Because I still have my cool and all of my special tools, I would, normally use on her, sooner rather than later.....

Tools to get that a*s & have her split, quick fast before the neighbors slip on the morning dew while getting their morning paper!

 

But I think….. if I would do that, 

                you know what will occur?

The moment after I fill the condom, I'll be back thinking of "her"

 

 

Not a drink, not a dame,

not a needle-injected vein

will contain enough sedation

 to help me escape the pain!

 

 

I hate being vulnerable, I wish I could disappear

I'm 5ft 11,

   187 pounds of fear!

 

But the fear makes me Bridgey

& Bridgey faces his fears

So when I'm fighting something scary

 I'm STILL swinging

  while shedding tears!

 

We all bare crosses,

and have suffered tremendous losses

But we can’t lose ourselves with the fear

and what the cost is

I loved this woman hard,

but the love wasn’t returned

And I lived and learned, and got burned,

and the knowledge that was earned……

 

Is that although I'm vulnerABLE,

                I can still stand like a man!

I fall down,

then I get up,

  and I'm fighting again! 

Maybe the end isn't "thee END"

Just the end of that girl

  So I'm proud to be vulnerABLE,

                naked to the world.....

 

 

Author's Note

This is very unfocused, but I'm sad......I'm sure to revise.

Reviews

[Lyrical Love]

You are pretty raw in this-dancing around in your birthday suit (naked-emotionally)!
This reminds me of a superhero that is able to accomplish everything and yet has his one vice that
cripples him. Super-man LOVE cripples us all-when we are not loved in return (giving our all/and our word). Everyone has a different meaning for LOVE! We use it too loosely today/and it doesn't hold the same power/meaning that it should.
It means a lot to me when a person is truthful. I have said it a million times-tell me why you are here?
When you meet someone new and you aren't promising them the world (with lies from here to China), but are opening up your chest so that they can see your pumps for them, and you still get crapped on...
That is when you get a poem like this B.
There is a lack of compassion in our world now for truth, honesty, and realness.
The one thing that stood out the most in this write for me was that you were wounded you bolded/used caps for the ABLE in vulnerable. It's GOOD to know that it wasn't you and all of your fine attributes that caused the end of your relationship (so don't question yourself). Just know that you are still ABLE! ...to do whatever it is that Bridge wants to do, when you want to do it. You are allowed to have your moment and then get on/over, and enjoy life. This poem also says that you are magnanimous!!
As usual you provoke thought and encourage one to look in the mirror.
Standing O' for this one too.

[QuietPoet]

Very deep poem. I know how you feel.. This was full of pain and I hope you'll be ok. There is someone out there for everyone, even if you have to find bad ones before you get to the right one.. Keep your head up. And dont be sad. Smile. =)

[Farrah Grahm]

I love the visual of your bloody knuckles when you see yourself in the mirror, and punch that image away, great,great visual, very powerful moment, i really felt that.
And I understand, how it feels to be so deeply in love, so vulnerable and so weak and to be taken advantage of in that moment, its the dirtiest most disgusting feeling.
This is again, a wonderful piece. Vulnerability, its the best part of poetry, and this outlined it in a way so that we all feel it and understand it and it just comes across so....ah! no description!
that means its beyond amazing.
Kudos times three.

[Str8jacket]

I know how you feel. But at least you took a chance, and I can't do that. The only alternative is sitting there and wondering if...it's not the best, but it's what I've chosen. Every fighter has their weak moments, but that doesn't mean I'm weak and that I'll give up. Eventually you pick yourself up because you have to keep pushing foward. Even though you're sad now, you can't be sad always, if a person can't see all the good you have inside, and deal with the bad, then that's their problem. I know it sucks though. This is a great but heartbreaking piece, I hope you heal soon!!

[Phantom Heart]

I just want to say you don't need to change a word. Maybe the word don't fit here, or it don't rhyme there, but each and every word carries the pain and passion of your love for this woman. Thanks for sharing.

[Nik]

I'll comment on the poem later. For now, I hope you feel better. :) OKay, I'll comment on the poem now... the part where you were listing off your good qualities and asked why doesn't she want you, I can feel that part the most. Things like that make you wonder... but really none of it matters to make someone want you or not. You can be perfect for someone but if they are self-destructive, not satisfied with, or not loving their self, then your "good" qualities are perceived as "bad" qualities. The person may or may not one day realize that you could have been perfect for them; we have to keep living our lives either way. We can't base our existence on another person's insecurities. Feel me? Anyway, great poem, rhyme scheme, all that. We need these moments of immense sadness to add passion to our poetry. (lol.. j/k.. I know you're like "I could write poetry without THIS s**t! LOL)

[Walkingblind]

This is so deep! I never felt feelings so hard before you stapled your
heart to the screen and risked even putting it on here. You are a great writer
because you explain all while letting us have an imagination, I see you so perfectly
in my mind going through this pain and being angry at yourself for putting your
all on the line, while forgetting to look and see if she did the same. I leave this poem
with very different views then when I came believe that. Intense Bridgey intense

[Ayla Automatic]

Wow. You know, alot of women feel llike that too. I can definetely relate. I'm having the same problem. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks. I love your writings

[The Language of Birds]

Vulnerable and raw, and full of promise. First of all, I dig your organic form. Font changes- though I'm not wild about them generally- work here with a good graphic style.

I am okay with the unfocused narrative in this piece. It adds to the authenticity, I think. Not all poems have to condense the wind into honey. We need the wind too, and the storm, and this piece storms.

Let me know when you come up to a re-write on this. I would love to see what you come up with.

I enjoy your writing, and equally enjoy how generous of a reviewer you are to others...

Peace,

JimCD