Vulner ABLE ("I Lost" Vol. 4)

I don't know.....

 

"It's been awhile.....since I can say that I wasn't addicted

It's been awhile.....since I can say that I love myself as well"

                            - Staind,  "It's been awhile"

 

Vulner ABLE

("I Lost" Vol. 3)

 

by "NakedAsTheDayIWasBorn" Crewe

 

 

 

I really want you to look,

            But I'd rather you didn't see

All of the insecurities,

securing my "Me"

I know I can be,

  everything you want me to be

I've been in love,

          it's just that

no one's ever been in love WITH.....me

 

but you made me do it alone,

you were suppose to do it with me!

we were both suppose to jump when we counted to three!

one......

   two....

                      tool

 

I feel like the biggest fool

 

Me jumping, you staying,

Falling without a ‘chute or a pool

 

I can't even look into a mirror

Ashamed of my own reflection!

And with bloody knuckles,

I taught this glass mirror a lesson!

DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME!

I can't even stand to see

The vulnerABLE "ility"

           you put inside of me!

 

 

What the f**k is wrong with me!?!?!?

I keep my ambitions high, go to work wearing a fly suit with matching shirt and a tie, got a 401K plan, & a stable car & place, with no kids, or any "baby mama drama" as of TODAY, read over 500 books, I've taken lessons to cook, and I don't base my attraction to women, just by their looks, I read and write poetry, paint, and love my mother, my pops is my best friend, though I still fight with my brother, I pray everyday, eat the vegetables on my plate, and I can give your car a tune-up, change the oil & brakes, I'm quick on the uptake, funny as hell, the sex is safe, and I can f**k like a 20 year, paroled prison inmate! So as I say what I'm saying, one thing only haunts me, and with water blurring my vision I wonder......

WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT ME?!

 

I worshiped every print......

that came from her feet!

But see,

     she took advantage of my vulnerA-bility!

I opened up & told her things

        I haven't even told God yet

We made "pinky promises",

 two peas in a pod but yet......

She wasn't honest!

        And I think, honestly.....

  I need to be

Up in a club to find a girl

         I can get home with me!

 

Because I still have my cool and all of my special tools, I would, normally use on her, sooner rather than later.....

Tools to get that a*s & have her split, quick fast before the neighbors slip on the morning dew while getting their morning paper!

 

But I think….. if I would do that, 

                you know what will occur?

The moment after I fill the condom, I'll be back thinking of "her"

 

 

Not a drink, not a dame,

not a needle-injected vein

will contain enough sedation

 to help me escape the pain!

 

 

I hate being vulnerable, I wish I could disappear

I'm 5ft 11,

   187 pounds of fear!

 

But the fear makes me Bridgey

& Bridgey faces his fears

So when I'm fighting something scary

 I'm STILL swinging

  while shedding tears!

 

We all bare crosses,

and have suffered tremendous losses

But we can’t lose ourselves with the fear

and what the cost is

I loved this woman hard,

but the love wasn’t returned

And I lived and learned, and got burned,

and the knowledge that was earned……

 

Is that although I'm vulnerABLE,

                I can still stand like a man!

I fall down,

then I get up,

  and I'm fighting again! 

Maybe the end isn't "thee END"

Just the end of that girl

  So I'm proud to be vulnerABLE,

                naked to the world.....

 

 

Author's Note

This is very unfocused, but I'm sad......I'm sure to revise.

Reviews

[Lyrical Love]

You are pretty raw in this-dancing around in your birthday suit (naked-emotionally)!
This reminds me of a superhero that is able to accomplish everything and yet has his one vice that
cripples him. Super-man LOVE cripples us all-when we are not loved in return (giving our all/and our word). Everyone has a different meaning for LOVE! We use it too loosely today/and it doesn't hold the same power/meaning that it should.
It means a lot to me when a person is truthful. I have said it a million times-tell me why you are here?
When you meet someone new and you aren't promising them the world (with lies from here to China), but are opening up your chest so that they can see your pumps for them, and you still get crapped on...
That is when you get a poem like this B.
There is a lack of compassion in our world now for truth, honesty, and realness.
The one thing that stood out the most in this write for me was that you were wounded you bolded/used caps for the ABLE in vulnerable. It's GOOD to know that it wasn't you and all of your fine attributes that caused the end of your relationship (so don't question yourself). Just know that you are still ABLE! ...to do whatever it is that Bridge wants to do, when you want to do it. You are allowed to have your moment and then get on/over, and enjoy life. This poem also says that you are magnanimous!!
As usual you provoke thought and encourage one to look in the mirror.
Standing O' for this one too.

[Bennett Logan]

Every other review has said it already, but this is completely raw. It's just pure emotion. It's a middle of the night phone call from a friend going through a breakup. Seriously. Otherwise, I can raise my hand and honestly say, "been there." Everyone, at some point or another, has opened themselves up only to be hurt, so anyone can read this and completely relate. To comment on your note, though, you pretty much stayed on course. The first 12 or so lines aren't particularly saturated in vulnerability like the rest, per se, but they serve well as an opening act to this avalanche of a poem. I do see some room for revision, though, so let me know if you need some input. Have a good one, sir, and definitely keep up the good work.

[passion]

Yo Bridgey! Real talk, if you amke any changes to this I'm gonna get on a plane, find you , and beat you like a runaway slave! Off the hinges, my dude! Broken hearts are directionless and this speaks to that lostness of the broken hearted. Leave it alone, man. It's art. I don't have enough fingers to give this the snaps it deserves...

[S. Allison (Ferrante) S..]

Thank you for sharing this. I think it has more focus than you accredit it. It may be subconsciousness focus perhaps, but it definitely there.

I think maybe...
Though your afraid and hurting, your inner self is angered than you feel you can overcome.
Mad that you got a lemon, so to say. Mad that your not being looked at with eyes that are capable of seeing what and who you really are....No true release for all the wonderful things that you want to share...

She may have given you the ability to become vulnerable...
She may have worn you down and muddled your self-perception...
She may have just not been ready...

Regardless of the reason or muse, I think this is beautiful and I admire that you opened up with such raw, heartfelt emotion.

A+ :)

[~angelalala~]

wow, this is so raw, emotional, sad. "I can't look into a mirror Ashamed of my own reflection! And with bloody knuckles, I teach the glass mirror a lesson! DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME!" this is intense! you threw in a few amusing lines, but overall, i think this came directly from your heart. i like your style of writing & with this one you really opened up & i think when a writer really reveals themselves, they create masterpieces. we are all vulnerable, especially with love, even the hardest heart among us is usually that way for a reason. we jump headfirst, then find out we were the only ones who did. "I really want you to look, But I'd rather you didn't see All of the insecurities, securing my "Me"" how i can relate to these lines, this entire piece. you really portrayed your emotions well here, showing the vulnerability we all share as humans. dark, deep & amazing write.

[Bella]

Oh this poem is so powerful! I can really, really feel the emotion in this. You have such a way with words. And, the rhyme scheme is great! I enjoyed this a lot.

[Jacqueline]

Such power in everything you say.
I would love to see these performed live.
That would be awesome.

[ANNA]

I'm torn up by the raw emotion, never new someone could do it so could, that it makes me feel vulnerABLEEEE. ;) I love your work and your passon. I am never disappointed when I stop by to read your mind. I can't help but wonder who could hurt someone a amazing ans talented as you my friend. Your everything a woman looks for and more. You sure open up a naked side of your self. Thank you for sharing and never change! Beautiful but stripping your skin bare! awesome....

Love n respect,
Anna

[April Child]

Ooh lots of recognition here. Life hurts, love hurts, it's all risk and we have to make ourselves vulnerable or be an island so we risk and love and learn but we do heal. I feel your pain, your vulnerability, fear, I love this line...

I'm 5ft 11, 187 pounds of fear!

That fear is not our friend but he hangs around like an uninvited guest that will not go away! I hate that guy!

I like the humour in your piece. If you still have your humour you still have hope and you can write, that's for sure. Nice work.

[Fidheallir]

Very emotional-- I can feel your frustration through the words.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

wow! that is sooooooo intense and powerful. good job. some parts it felt like an add for a dating site, but it sure caught my attention! you sound impressive. i liked this part: I can f**k like a 20 year, paroled prison inmate! imagrey galore!!! hee hee. jk. def unique piece here, and very raw, and i loved it. be you, and don't care what no one else says.

kena