I Can See Her (Punch Drunk Love)

I've been involved with a platonic friend but I end up "seeing" her and falling in love. I have a few drinks, give her a call to express my feelings, voicemail... I embarrass myself.

 

"Six numbers.......One more to dial.....

               Before I'm, before you..........."

 - John Mayer  "Man on the Side"

 

Punch Drunk Love

 

               by "DrunkDialer" McLovin

 

 

*Sorry I missed your call,

               please leave a message*BEEP!!

 

 

What's up Maria,

I'm sorry that I missed you

But I want to tell you something,

       And I hope it doesn't become an issue

I... I really miss you

                  I hate saying it out loud

I wanna be fearless enough

  to say it loud & proud!!

Now I've had a few drinks,

          but that's not a facade

And I know, before you ask me...

I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK

        I AIN'T GOD

But that's enough about me,

this message is about you

And the journey of learning You

            That you've taken me through

I can see you now!!!

        Maria, I can see you!

I see your entire being within,

and not merely a shortened preview

I see an intelligent, charming,

& very beautiful individual

So while other men are only smitten

by all of your gorgeous physical...

GGGifts that God's given you

THERE'S MORE THAT I'M INTO!

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY INTRIGUE

   IS INDEED VERY MENTAL!

 

I MEAN OF COURSE

I WANNA F**K YOU!

WHO WOULDN'T

        WANNA F**K YOU?!?!

S**t, I do!

       I wanna f**k!

BUT!!!...

as much as I wanna f**k

I WANNA KNOW

         WHAT THE F**K

IS ON YOUR MIND

          JUST AS MUCH!

 

That's just the booze talking

     Still, I want you to know

That your heart won't be ignored

only because you're beautiful!

 

YES YOU ARE

a very Beautiful... Mind

           like Russell Crowe

A mind, I didn't mind

mining inside to get to know

 

You unequivocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent day, but then your rays ricocheted right off of the shade's grey destroying it, coincidentally blinding me anyway

(HICCUP, BURP)

 

 When you're gone, I question 

    IF, WHEN & FOR how long?

Before I can see your face again,

The melodic song you sing in conversational form, plays blatant and adjacent to when we converse as you...

       make me smile without trying

           and laugh until you start crying

If I said "I'd be fine without you in my life."

           I would be lying   

                            

 

    

  I love how when I say "I miss you"

           You tell me to "Prove it"!

And how you dance like there's no one else in the room except for the music

 

I know you wish your parents could see just how far that you've come

But I SEE a great woman who's greatness has only just begun!

 

I know you wish your friends could see and appreciate your selfless love

But I SEE a friend who loves them like they were your own "blood"!

 

I know you wish that your boss could respect your hard work

But I SEE your intelligence, your skills and know exactly what you're worth!

 

I know you wish men could see just how much you have to offer

But I SEE a woman that's deserving of nothing short of the alter!

 

 

I SWEAR TO GOD,

     I CAN SEE YOU!

   AND I SEE WHAT YOU DESERVE

         A man who really loves you

And who's not afraid

of the words!!!

   A man who doesn't just talk it

      He says it and does the s**t!!

A man who loves your WHOLE body

  And not love you because of it!

                                          I'm not afraid now,

    so I tell you who I want to be!

 I want to be the one who passionately gives you exactly what you need!

You're everything to me!!

             I WOULD PUT

        NO ONE ABOVE YOU!!!

          AND MARIA,

YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW....(**sigh**)

 

THAT I LOV BEEP!!! 

(mailbox....is full)

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not really big on conventional stories of romance and romantic poetry. It may be a reflection of my own life, but rarely am I moved or entertained by overdone words of "climbing mountains" and "everlasting love and feelings" and shit. I like quirky tales and original expressions of telling someone that they are special to you. The subject "SEES" the woman. Everyone else in her life doesn't, but with getting to know her he really "sees" how wonderful this woman is and he falls in love. He just needs a little "liquid confidence" then decides to call her and tell her!

Reviews

[~angelalala~]

hey i've gotten a few voicemails like this, minus all the 'i love your mind' parts & mostly just the 'i wanna f**k you' parts. i loved this & despite the fact that it is an amusing write, hidden within is a beautiful love poem!
"You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent "day"" this is beautiful! i love your explanation too about how everyone else in her life doesn't see who she is. everyone wants someone to love them like this. i think deep inside you hides a very romantic lovey-dovey soul ;) i like the humor mixed in with this what is overall, a truly beautiful love poem. great write.

[DaWonAndOnli]

Man this has to be one of my faves on here now. You have one of the most uniqe and creative styles that I have seen. Good laugh and great message. Sometimes we as men will only SEE the outside. LOL "I swear to Drunk I aint God!" Classic.

[luke312]

You always have some amazing pieces of work and this is no exception. Good Work Man

[Bennett Logan]

Ah, drunk dialing... At least you can't remember doing it most of the time. That's changed, however, thanks to call lists on cell phones. Were it not for beer nuts, no one would know the truth about anything. Having said that, drink up and start punching numbers. ;) Have a good one, sir, and keep up the good work.

[The DuchessPoet]

There you go again!
(crackin-up)
YOU ARE A FOOL! LOL
"I swear to Drunk I ain't God" is too MUCH! Where do you get these things! (crackin-up)

OKAY, I'M TELLING YOU NOW... WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT SPRING...
Do it like you do...
I am personally coming to get it for my contest! LOL, LOL, LOL...

Baby, you are such a joy to have a poet-friend... you keep me in stitches!

I LOVE IT!

[Walkingblind]

haha! very funny! I could totally see everything...not that I wanted
to see everything! lol this isn't a usual love poem it's MEGA different
it's funny, serious, crazy, mental, and includes sound affects!!!!! haha!
Very awesome not one of those deep love poems that have us melting,
and wanting to knaw our fingers off, but a hilarious like-lovey-love poem
thats causing me to say 'awww' one stanza and die from laughing the next.
I'm sorry he didn't get to say it...maybe next time! Great write!

[Farrah Grahm]

This is great! Great concept. And of course, as has been said, we've all done that drunk phone call, I know i love EVERYONE when I'm drunk. Good job. i like this.
My favorite part:
You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent "day", but your rays ricocheted right off of the shade's gray to destroy it and coincidentally blind me anyway!

(HICCUP, BURP)

Especially the hiccup and the burp at the end :-)
And I agree, you definitely need to see about getting this published, it would make a great book. You are very talented, you've done a great job!
I'm impressed :)

[Kathryn Star, Shine!]

Ha ha ha ha, I enjoyed reading this... I saw it as a script, but it works as a poem. LOL Thanks for sending this to read!!! LOL

[Legion]

Well, I hope she at least got the picture. I hate when the machine cuts me off. ;)

[Fidheallir]

Very funny-- I love how your speaker talks himself into corners again and again. There is something very sincere about his behavior underneath the silliness and drunkenness and you let that show through.

[Lalli]

Bridgey,

sorry i haven't responded to the email... been exceptionally busy lately. I appreciate your reviews broski.. Instead of just saying you like it.. you express how, and why. I respect that.
I respect your work too! Unique, orginal, and you bring the humor beautifully to it.
The drunk to good line is priceless.

This poem, awww... good ole' drunk sincerity. The concept is priceless.
I will have to agree with you i'm not big on the love aspect of writing, it all tends to be the same. But you took it, and you made it your own, brought your own style and approach to the idea. In turn making it stand out, making it enjoyable. magnificent write.
oh n the wordplay on beautiful mind, *snap snap*

much love n' respect

-Lalli