I Can See Her (Punch Drunk Love)

I've been involved with a platonic friend but I end up "seeing" her and falling in love. I have a few drinks, give her a call to express my feelings, voicemail... I embarrass myself.

 

"Six numbers.......One more to dial.....

               Before I'm, before you..........."

 - John Mayer  "Man on the Side"

 

Punch Drunk Love

 

               by "DrunkDialer" McLovin

 

 

*Sorry I missed your call,

               please leave a message*BEEP!!

 

 

What's up Maria,

I'm sorry that I missed you

But I want to tell you something,

       And I hope it doesn't become an issue

I... I really miss you

                  I hate saying it out loud

I wanna be fearless enough

  to say it loud & proud!!

Now I've had a few drinks,

          but that's not a facade

And I know, before you ask me...

I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK

        I AIN'T GOD

But that's enough about me,

this message is about you

And the journey of learning You

            That you've taken me through

I can see you now!!!

        Maria, I can see you!

I see your entire being within,

and not merely a shortened preview

I see an intelligent, charming,

& very beautiful individual

So while other men are only smitten

by all of your gorgeous physical...

GGGifts that God's given you

THERE'S MORE THAT I'M INTO!

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY INTRIGUE

   IS INDEED VERY MENTAL!

 

I MEAN OF COURSE

I WANNA F**K YOU!

WHO WOULDN'T

        WANNA F**K YOU?!?!

S**t, I do!

       I wanna f**k!

BUT!!!...

as much as I wanna f**k

I WANNA KNOW

         WHAT THE F**K

IS ON YOUR MIND

          JUST AS MUCH!

 

That's just the booze talking

     Still, I want you to know

That your heart won't be ignored

only because you're beautiful!

 

YES YOU ARE

a very Beautiful... Mind

           like Russell Crowe

A mind, I didn't mind

mining inside to get to know

 

You unequivocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent day, but then your rays ricocheted right off of the shade's grey destroying it, coincidentally blinding me anyway

(HICCUP, BURP)

 

 When you're gone, I question 

    IF, WHEN & FOR how long?

Before I can see your face again,

The melodic song you sing in conversational form, plays blatant and adjacent to when we converse as you...

       make me smile without trying

           and laugh until you start crying

If I said "I'd be fine without you in my life."

           I would be lying   

                            

 

    

  I love how when I say "I miss you"

           You tell me to "Prove it"!

And how you dance like there's no one else in the room except for the music

 

I know you wish your parents could see just how far that you've come

But I SEE a great woman who's greatness has only just begun!

 

I know you wish your friends could see and appreciate your selfless love

But I SEE a friend who loves them like they were your own "blood"!

 

I know you wish that your boss could respect your hard work

But I SEE your intelligence, your skills and know exactly what you're worth!

 

I know you wish men could see just how much you have to offer

But I SEE a woman that's deserving of nothing short of the alter!

 

 

I SWEAR TO GOD,

     I CAN SEE YOU!

   AND I SEE WHAT YOU DESERVE

         A man who really loves you

And who's not afraid

of the words!!!

   A man who doesn't just talk it

      He says it and does the s**t!!

A man who loves your WHOLE body

  And not love you because of it!

                                          I'm not afraid now,

    so I tell you who I want to be!

 I want to be the one who passionately gives you exactly what you need!

You're everything to me!!

             I WOULD PUT

        NO ONE ABOVE YOU!!!

          AND MARIA,

YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW....(**sigh**)

 

THAT I LOV BEEP!!! 

(mailbox....is full)

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not really big on conventional stories of romance and romantic poetry. It may be a reflection of my own life, but rarely am I moved or entertained by overdone words of "climbing mountains" and "everlasting love and feelings" and shit. I like quirky tales and original expressions of telling someone that they are special to you. The subject "SEES" the woman. Everyone else in her life doesn't, but with getting to know her he really "sees" how wonderful this woman is and he falls in love. He just needs a little "liquid confidence" then decides to call her and tell her!

Reviews

[~angelalala~]

hey i've gotten a few voicemails like this, minus all the 'i love your mind' parts & mostly just the 'i wanna f**k you' parts. i loved this & despite the fact that it is an amusing write, hidden within is a beautiful love poem!
"You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent "day"" this is beautiful! i love your explanation too about how everyone else in her life doesn't see who she is. everyone wants someone to love them like this. i think deep inside you hides a very romantic lovey-dovey soul ;) i like the humor mixed in with this what is overall, a truly beautiful love poem. great write.

[Lori]

I think this is wonderfully original and really funny. I could really picture the scene with the man drunk and tripping over his words. You're like a male Bridget Jones. But I think that what makes it work the most is that it does have a good heart underneath the humor. Kudos to you!

[J.Black]

"I CAN SEE YOU and WANT YOU!!!
AND "__________", YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW....(**sigh**)
THAT I LOV BEEP!!! (mailbox....is full)"

--- how bomb was this ending? Totally dope! I loved this! Is it wrong to say I laughed? - because I so did!! There's somethin' about the way you write. It comes off so f*****g real, as if you are just talking and the words just flow from your mouth. Damn, you probably really quick on your feet when it comes to woman in real life if you got talent like this! I agree with Fear Corrupts when she says "you don't come off sounding like a jerk, but still sound like a dude" which is so true! Not all guys are jerks, this is just how it goes you know? Raw, real and you say it how it is! What more could a woman like me want? LOL. Brilliant!

[Jolyrose]

What woman wouldn't call that man back? Or head to his place and make his a*s prove it? How sad that he hasn't been able to say all of that up to this point and sober? How screwed up that he feels like that and she didn't notice? But finally he said exactly what was on his f*****g mind and even if the word doesn't end up on her voicemail she have to be three feet deep not to get it. I liked the John Mayer quote. One of my favorite songs of his. It was real and funny and weirdly romantic all at the same time. A+ motherfucka!

[Fear Corrupts!]

Ha. ha. ha. etc.
So,
your little ramble poems always turn out just so well (swell?).
Hehe.
This is great,
you come off sounding like a good guy,
whilst still sounding like a MAN.
I hate those whooshy washy love poems out there,
can't stand them.
So this is great,
all balanced out,
you don't come off sounding like a jerk, but still sound like a dude.
Good Write.

[ Fear Corrupts! ]

[Sel Whiteley]

This was a beautiful piece (again, I think the monologue really helped to elevate the piece and to make it seem more realistic). The brilliant humour added a counterbalance to the sensitive and beautiful love expressed which only served to heighten the emotive impact.

[Succinct]

DOPE! I would love to witness this Spoken! Unconventional... Totally detached and Iloved every single line of it...

[Jason]

I liked this piece alot. Its great when poets tell a clear story. I really like your writing style, its a style that is not affraid to say or do anything with a piece. (motivation).


"Now I've had a few drinks, but that's not a facade

And before you ask me it......

I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK

I AIN'T GOD!!!"

That is Classic!

Thanks

[Nik'aule]

LMAO... this was wonderful. I loved the line "I swear to drunk I aint God" and the part where you were like "Of course, I want to f**k, who wouldn't want to f**k, I do, I want to f**k LOL"

[Str8jacket]

Lol. I find this sweet and funny at the same time. It's written intelligently as all of your works. You know that the truth always comes out when people drink, so I don't know if I'd mind a message like this or not. I hope that person didn't. The sentiments are real enough, and they're rare for a male to express. So yeah, that's just my fifty cents. Great work :)

[Chria]

This was so great! I laughed so much. I really felt like I could relate because I've gotten a phone call very similar to the one depicted here.
I love this poem.