I Can See Her (Punch Drunk Love)

I've been involved with a platonic friend but I end up "seeing" her and falling in love. I have a few drinks, give her a call to express my feelings, voicemail... I embarrass myself.

 

"Six numbers.......One more to dial.....

               Before I'm, before you..........."

 - John Mayer  "Man on the Side"

 

Punch Drunk Love

 

               by "DrunkDialer" McLovin

 

 

*Sorry I missed your call,

               please leave a message*BEEP!!

 

 

What's up Maria,

I'm sorry that I missed you

But I want to tell you something,

       And I hope it doesn't become an issue

I... I really miss you

                  I hate saying it out loud

I wanna be fearless enough

  to say it loud & proud!!

Now I've had a few drinks,

          but that's not a facade

And I know, before you ask me...

I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK

        I AIN'T GOD

But that's enough about me,

this message is about you

And the journey of learning You

            That you've taken me through

I can see you now!!!

        Maria, I can see you!

I see your entire being within,

and not merely a shortened preview

I see an intelligent, charming,

& very beautiful individual

So while other men are only smitten

by all of your gorgeous physical...

GGGifts that God's given you

THERE'S MORE THAT I'M INTO!

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY INTRIGUE

   IS INDEED VERY MENTAL!

 

I MEAN OF COURSE

I WANNA F**K YOU!

WHO WOULDN'T

        WANNA F**K YOU?!?!

S**t, I do!

       I wanna f**k!

BUT!!!...

as much as I wanna f**k

I WANNA KNOW

         WHAT THE F**K

IS ON YOUR MIND

          JUST AS MUCH!

 

That's just the booze talking

     Still, I want you to know

That your heart won't be ignored

only because you're beautiful!

 

YES YOU ARE

a very Beautiful... Mind

           like Russell Crowe

A mind, I didn't mind

mining inside to get to know

 

You unequivocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent day, but then your rays ricocheted right off of the shade's grey destroying it, coincidentally blinding me anyway

(HICCUP, BURP)

 

 When you're gone, I question 

    IF, WHEN & FOR how long?

Before I can see your face again,

The melodic song you sing in conversational form, plays blatant and adjacent to when we converse as you...

       make me smile without trying

           and laugh until you start crying

If I said "I'd be fine without you in my life."

           I would be lying   

                            

 

    

  I love how when I say "I miss you"

           You tell me to "Prove it"!

And how you dance like there's no one else in the room except for the music

 

I know you wish your parents could see just how far that you've come

But I SEE a great woman who's greatness has only just begun!

 

I know you wish your friends could see and appreciate your selfless love

But I SEE a friend who loves them like they were your own "blood"!

 

I know you wish that your boss could respect your hard work

But I SEE your intelligence, your skills and know exactly what you're worth!

 

I know you wish men could see just how much you have to offer

But I SEE a woman that's deserving of nothing short of the alter!

 

 

I SWEAR TO GOD,

     I CAN SEE YOU!

   AND I SEE WHAT YOU DESERVE

         A man who really loves you

And who's not afraid

of the words!!!

   A man who doesn't just talk it

      He says it and does the s**t!!

A man who loves your WHOLE body

  And not love you because of it!

                                          I'm not afraid now,

    so I tell you who I want to be!

 I want to be the one who passionately gives you exactly what you need!

You're everything to me!!

             I WOULD PUT

        NO ONE ABOVE YOU!!!

          AND MARIA,

YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW....(**sigh**)

 

THAT I LOV BEEP!!! 

(mailbox....is full)

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not really big on conventional stories of romance and romantic poetry. It may be a reflection of my own life, but rarely am I moved or entertained by overdone words of "climbing mountains" and "everlasting love and feelings" and shit. I like quirky tales and original expressions of telling someone that they are special to you. The subject "SEES" the woman. Everyone else in her life doesn't, but with getting to know her he really "sees" how wonderful this woman is and he falls in love. He just needs a little "liquid confidence" then decides to call her and tell her!

Reviews

[~angelalala~]

hey i've gotten a few voicemails like this, minus all the 'i love your mind' parts & mostly just the 'i wanna f**k you' parts. i loved this & despite the fact that it is an amusing write, hidden within is a beautiful love poem!
"You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent "day"" this is beautiful! i love your explanation too about how everyone else in her life doesn't see who she is. everyone wants someone to love them like this. i think deep inside you hides a very romantic lovey-dovey soul ;) i like the humor mixed in with this what is overall, a truly beautiful love poem. great write.

[Rhan F. Sydney]

Again Work as Movement. Wonderfully original and different. Very very good. I agree with you. I like the quirky, dirty side of love...But what do I know..I'm just a kid. Keep writing.

[Kenji Light]

I think this is a good write. You really set up an individualized way of being romantic that is unique to the speaker. You have a natural flow to this piece which I have come to expect of your work and that works well for me. I like that you are so unconventional in your style of writing about love. This poem really speaks to me and the beginning and the end of this piece perfectly frame the middle section and creates a powerful narrative that drives the point home even more. Good job. -Kenji

[Spoken]

Now I've had a few drinks, but that's not a facade
And before you ask me it......
I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK
I AIN'T GOD!!!

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY INTRIGUE IS INDEED
VERY MENTAL!
I MEAN OF COURSE I WANNA F**K YOU!
WHO WOULDN'T WANNA F**K?!?!
S**t, I do! I wanna f**k!
BUT!!!......
as much as I wanna f**k
I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE F**K
IS ON YOUR MIND JUST AS MUCH!


these were clever and so funny! Reminds me of Eminem style wise... he was white trash who said it proudly but he knew how to twist words in true metaphoric poetry. Props

[Spoken]

Now I've had a few drinks, but that's not a facade
And before you ask me it......
I SSSWEAR TO DRUNK
I AIN'T GOD!!!

AND I BELIEVE THAT MY INTRIGUE IS INDEED
VERY MENTAL!
I MEAN OF COURSE I WANNA F**K YOU!
WHO WOULDN'T WANNA F**K?!?!
S**t, I do! I wanna f**k!
BUT!!!......
as much as I wanna f**k
I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE F**K
IS ON YOUR MIND JUST AS MUCH!


these were clever and so funny! Reminds me of Eminem style wise... he was white trash who said it proudly but he knew how to twist words in true metaphoric poetry. Props

[Phibby Venable]

you have such a way with words!!! brilliant.
i like how you have woven in such fine, gentle depth of understanding of someone you love,
while also getting to the physical facts.

[R J Askew]

You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy

........that was the line for me.........I cld hear the voice sort of flagging at that point as if thinking to itself in its cups, but the offfffff it goes again! full on! very dramatic....great read

[Atlanta Carter]

This is attractive in its simplicity. As a reader, I can see the intoxicated narrator going on about love like that, but is it worth telling that to an answering machine? I could see it going on and on to the inevitable beep. That, perhaps, was a little too predictable, and it seemed to me to go on a little too long, as I started tuning out. Because it is an answering machine message, that cheapens the sentiments a little, and I wonder if you intended that. Frankly, I've never known a woman that I could tell that I wanted to f**k them (especially over the phone) and get away with it...maybe I've been married too long...and maybe that's what young people do these days. (Come on! I'm not THAT old!) Of course, you never know who might hear that message, too!

I like what you did with the typeface. It doesn't work in all poems, but I thought your use here was appropriate. Overall, I think it is still good work.

[THE LOST ROSE]

My brother you shared the romantic side of you within your own style. Can you write love poems? Yes! Can you write them more amazing then any other writer on this site? Yes! This was really creative. Your poetry has blown me away many times but with this piece your mind went in another direction. This was a movie short and a love poem all work up in one. If you shot this sequence and threw it on you tube it would makes waves across the country like "Marc Ryan's material with Steve". I enjoyed this I can say despite my many laughs before with your material the creativity in this make this my favorite piece of yours.

[THE LOST ROSE]

My brother you shared the romantic side of you within your own style. Can you write love poems? Yes! Can you write them more amazing then any other writer on this site? Yes! This was really creative. Your poetry has blown me away many times but with this piece your mind went in another direction. This was a movie short and a love poem all work up in one. If you shot this sequence and threw it on you tube it would makes waves across the country like "Marc Ryan's material with Steve". I enjoyed this I can say despite my many laughs before with your material the creativity in this make this my favorite piece of yours.

[Shards]

"You inequvocally have a true & cunning ability to blind me immensely with your radiant energy, a radiation displayed that made me run for shade because your shine's so divine, it could cast permanent "day", but your rays ricocheted right off of the shade's gray to destroy it and coincidentally blinded me anyway!
(HICCUP, BURP)"

Dod gamn I dig your style!!!
this was thoroughly enjoyable (as always)
the humor was perfectly balanced within the context of the piece
the words flow like a river of unstoppable hot magma
a commendable piece of writing Bridge!