Gay Men Got It Made!!!

Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!

"You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when you are a pain in the a*s! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-a*s thing!" 

                                Noah from the movie "The Notebook" 

 

Gay Men

     

Got It Made!!!!!

 

      by Bridgey "YouLookFabulous!!" Crewe

 

"Baby, what's on your

mind?"

 "Boy, where the hell

             you been?"

 

"Oh my God,

                         who is this b***h

 sitting on top

          of your chin!?!?"

 

 

Yeah, she at it again

and I need to be saved

And for this, I swear to God……

GAY MEN GOT IT MADE!!             

 

I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang that you said, early today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

 

Begin my, funeral arranging,

           contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case,

          Since I'm CHOKING on estrogen!

 

Lord, please take me today,

      or at least make me gay

 I'm just a suicide away

From us having this talk, face-to-face

 

 If men are from Mars

 Women are from

on Top of Mars'

Nerves!

With Kryptonite embedded

          in the throes of their curves

 

 Men are slaves to your RHYTHM

& the dirty attention you give’em!!

That’s why we "zombie" towards the corridors

Of monogamy with’em

But then, the women change

& the RHYTHM just ain’t the same

Now the dirty attention we got

Are distant memories in our brain!

First they, want you to leave,

then cry when you don't stay

They don't wanna give you sex

& get pissed when you masturbate!

 

**Sigh**....I need an aspirin the size of a plate

 To combat this.... exasperating headache of a mate!

 

gay men got it made!

Cause when men talk, they only say,

Who/ What/ When/ Where /and Why

Thing/ Person/ or Place

 

Men keep it short & really simple

        when we have something to say

Not a two-hour sermon when someone asks

  "How was your day?"

 

BUT I'M A SLAVE! 

I’m a SLAVE TO THEIR.....

       FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts" that I crave

 

I just need a deaf, mute

robotic Beyonce'

With attention-deficit

who can cook like Rachel Ray!

Who really knows what she wants

before she goes to say...

        

"I want this."

But what she means, is

"I want this.....today."

  Because tomorrow she’ll want "that"

and so now you gotta change,

until she wants back the "this"

SHE HAD THE DAY

BEFORE YESTERDAY!!

 

I swear to Christ,

    I can't stand you!

You beautiful, sexy, bi-polar mind, fine, but so blind cause you can't drive, shopping all the damn time, feminine, sensual, gorgeous individual, with your dimples, that I'm in to, Goddess of my body's temple, you temper-tantrum professional, wallpaper changing, furniture rearranging, constantly complaining, forcing me to watch your stupid "Lifetime" movie specials, you special ed. needing, breathing "thorn in my lower regions",

I love you til I die, and I guess that's the reason......

 

I can't be gay......

With women,

you take the good with the bad

But I guess I'll just metaphorically

"Take it up the a*s!"

 

Author's Note

Yeah I said it!!!!! So?!?!?! Women suck!!! I said it! Gay men got it made!!! Yes! Women drive me completely crazy and if I were gay, I wouldn't have to deal with em!
But in all seriousness, I know there's no more drama with gay couples, but I just used the title to express my own frustration right now with a certain someone(SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!). I did this out of fun and I hope you digs.....


**1/30/09** Okay, this needs to be said apparently from some of the notes I'm getting. I have gay relatives and my best male friend is gay. No one argues that a homosexual lifestyle is a difficult one, even today. And I am as accepting a person of EVERYONE that you will find! This poem isn't to mock, but it's simply saying that dealing and being involved with other men is easier than dealing with women! It's done in fun and in parody. I never once even dipped into describing what it's like to be in a gay relationship rather than to poke fun at my own frustrations with women.

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

Okay bro! You know you got a great poem when two people on this site stop in the middle of reading your poem (at two different locations) to text one another about how good it is. Man my stomach hurt! I needed that laugh in the worst way. I am marking this one down because I got a few friends who fit this perfectly and when I read them this poem I hope they get a message. Standing "O" after my stomach stop hurting and I wipe away the tears of laughter.

[Joseph - Michael]

I was laughing my a*s off as I was reading along... You sure got some great points on how men should be with men as much as women should be with women, that way, everybody will be happy afterward...

Somehow, I refuse to do that, not just because I'm not gay, it's because I love the challenging with women... If I was gay and stayed with men; Then life's boring... It'll be nothing, but everything in commons and same old sex all the way... I want something different and the women are the perfect answer for me to put up with something different daily... Sure, I may hate it sometimes, but I f*****g love it anyway... Other than that, the women got something that men don't have; They got curves and asses and such which I've always adored and I still do now... Not trying to be a "sexist" or anything else like that, but that's how I am...

On the other hand, it's still a real thought-provoking piece I've ever read in so long, at the same time, it's still as funny as hell, so it's all still great, eventho I don't really agree with how you'd like your women... Wake up to the real world of the madness and enjoy them while you still can, bud...

[The DuchessPoet]

Darlin' you shouldn't have to explain anything if someone didn't get the sarcasm in this piece then THEY are "Special Ed" LOL!

This is one of my all time fav!
You had me in the floor!
I would stand in line in the cold, then pay to get in and once I got in have to stand, (because there weren't any seats)
to see you perform this piece!
You had me cracking-up!
You are too much ... lol
I thought I would die when you wrote:
"I just need a deaf, mute, robotic Beyonce'

With attention deficit

And can cook like Rachel Ray

And knows what she wants

Before she goes to say ..."

You say I'm and an inspiration BABY you've got magic and it is OFF-THE-CHAIN!
Keep em' coming darlin' keep em' coming!

I LOVE IT
Bravo,
Very well done!

[Lady V]

WOW. WOW WOW

Well....First things first.......You are a mess. lol
Second this piece will go down in history as the truth in a akward way. I had to smile and all who read should know why. Men are just as much a pain as women but its in so many different ways. Yeah yall.....Yes I said Yall.......Have your ways about you that women would like to mute or delete. lol I can appreciate this piece with all its sarcasm because it is very true that women can be annoying. We as women know that.


Third..... Let no one steal your laugh. Let people say what they want. It is for our soul that we write. If no one else likes it then oh well. Honesty goes a long way but it doesnt change reality. lol

Live, Love and Learn

Lady V

[~angelalala~]

this made me smile. it's a good write with good flow. very witty & full of dark humor. i took no offense. i can understand. & i think it goes both ways. both parties change after they've been together for a while. "Begin my, funeral arranging, contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case, cause I'm CHOKING on estrogen" cute ;) & i didn't find it offensive, but i can promise you this, knowing first hand, gay men can be just as 'bitchy' as any woman, so i certainly don't think gay men have it any easier. :) it's not easy in ANY relationship, gay or straight, & eventually we all take the other for granted. this is an entertaining rant & we all get tired of our partners from time to time, so very relatable. overall, i liked this write, very creative & witty.

[Shelly Araujo]

Ok Bridge, all these words and emotion over not getting to watch the game?! :-)
You better get to attending before the big game on Sunday or you will be posting a book next week! :-)

Find myself in here cause I know I will repeat things over and over til I feel they are given the proper attention. Enjoyed it, thanks for the invite.

[Drew Wade]

"If men are from Mars

Women are from on Top of Mars' Nerves!"

That line made me laugh so hard. You've got a great style. this was very entertaining.

one question, does your significant other know you wrote this?? was this based on real life? hahah.

[Jinx]

Men suck, too! =p Entertaining. Good job!

You should listen to this: http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=45349032865&h=v68xR&u=Rd8l0

Let me know if it doesn't show up.

[Jewels]

Good times this is like the sum of all relationships :P

[Tonya]

This was too funny and cute, but I believe you mean't "metaphorically", but I could be wrong. I really enjoyed reading this. I loved the twist at the end.

[Starting Over]

That was funny! I loved it!