Gay Men Got It Made!!!

Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!

"You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when you are a pain in the a*s! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-a*s thing!" 

                                Noah from the movie "The Notebook" 

 

Gay Men

     

Got It Made!!!!!

 

      by Bridgey "YouLookFabulous!!" Crewe

 

"Baby, what's on your

mind?"

 "Boy, where the hell

             you been?"

 

"Oh my God,

                         who is this b***h

 sitting on top

          of your chin!?!?"

 

 

Yeah, she at it again

and I need to be saved

And for this, I swear to God……

GAY MEN GOT IT MADE!!             

 

I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang that you said, early today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

 

Begin my, funeral arranging,

           contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case,

          Since I'm CHOKING on estrogen!

 

Lord, please take me today,

      or at least make me gay

 I'm just a suicide away

From us having this talk, face-to-face

 

 If men are from Mars

 Women are from

on Top of Mars'

Nerves!

With Kryptonite embedded

          in the throes of their curves

 

 Men are slaves to your RHYTHM

& the dirty attention you give’em!!

That’s why we "zombie" towards the corridors

Of monogamy with’em

But then, the women change

& the RHYTHM just ain’t the same

Now the dirty attention we got

Are distant memories in our brain!

First they, want you to leave,

then cry when you don't stay

They don't wanna give you sex

& get pissed when you masturbate!

 

**Sigh**....I need an aspirin the size of a plate

 To combat this.... exasperating headache of a mate!

 

gay men got it made!

Cause when men talk, they only say,

Who/ What/ When/ Where /and Why

Thing/ Person/ or Place

 

Men keep it short & really simple

        when we have something to say

Not a two-hour sermon when someone asks

  "How was your day?"

 

BUT I'M A SLAVE! 

I’m a SLAVE TO THEIR.....

       FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts" that I crave

 

I just need a deaf, mute

robotic Beyonce'

With attention-deficit

who can cook like Rachel Ray!

Who really knows what she wants

before she goes to say...

        

"I want this."

But what she means, is

"I want this.....today."

  Because tomorrow she’ll want "that"

and so now you gotta change,

until she wants back the "this"

SHE HAD THE DAY

BEFORE YESTERDAY!!

 

I swear to Christ,

    I can't stand you!

You beautiful, sexy, bi-polar mind, fine, but so blind cause you can't drive, shopping all the damn time, feminine, sensual, gorgeous individual, with your dimples, that I'm in to, Goddess of my body's temple, you temper-tantrum professional, wallpaper changing, furniture rearranging, constantly complaining, forcing me to watch your stupid "Lifetime" movie specials, you special ed. needing, breathing "thorn in my lower regions",

I love you til I die, and I guess that's the reason......

 

I can't be gay......

With women,

you take the good with the bad

But I guess I'll just metaphorically

"Take it up the a*s!"

 

Author's Note

Yeah I said it!!!!! So?!?!?! Women suck!!! I said it! Gay men got it made!!! Yes! Women drive me completely crazy and if I were gay, I wouldn't have to deal with em!
But in all seriousness, I know there's no more drama with gay couples, but I just used the title to express my own frustration right now with a certain someone(SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!). I did this out of fun and I hope you digs.....


**1/30/09** Okay, this needs to be said apparently from some of the notes I'm getting. I have gay relatives and my best male friend is gay. No one argues that a homosexual lifestyle is a difficult one, even today. And I am as accepting a person of EVERYONE that you will find! This poem isn't to mock, but it's simply saying that dealing and being involved with other men is easier than dealing with women! It's done in fun and in parody. I never once even dipped into describing what it's like to be in a gay relationship rather than to poke fun at my own frustrations with women.

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

Okay bro! You know you got a great poem when two people on this site stop in the middle of reading your poem (at two different locations) to text one another about how good it is. Man my stomach hurt! I needed that laugh in the worst way. I am marking this one down because I got a few friends who fit this perfectly and when I read them this poem I hope they get a message. Standing "O" after my stomach stop hurting and I wipe away the tears of laughter.

[Taylor H]

the only thing i didnt like about this is you kept emphazing that you hate ALL women and you made is sond like all you care about is the way they look....that kind of mad me mad. but other then that i really liked this

[Yereziah]

haha stop complaining darn it!!! I love the sarcasm of it though, the reality of it is that men and women have evolved so much that one cannot live without the other...so there...Ha

kuddos mistah

[Jacqueline]

I like this.
It was very funny, and even though I'm female, I can see what you mean.
I mean, whatever gender you are will usually be easier to understand.
That's why I guess I have a hard time understanding guys even though so many people say they aren't as complicated as women.
At any rate, this made me laugh a lot.
Great write!
=D

[poetic soul]

true in some parts, but believe me, none of you men, who say women are crazy and b*****s and blah blah blah, can live without them anyway!!! so its okay.. not offensive at all... was sarcastic and was simply a gr8 "poetic piece of work.."

-Smiles,
Poetic Soul...

[Kenji Light]

I dunno if I agree with everything, but there are definite differences between the male and female mind in a general sense. Men generally are more precise in communication, with only needing to know the necessary details and leaving the information that they did not need out of the conversation. Women, on the other hand, need to know every detail when they are in a conversation, even the things that will not affect them in any way. What it all boils down to is a communication barrier in which men are less open about their issues because they are unimportant to the man experiencing them, in some cases. However, I also believe that everything depends on the individual. Surely there are women who are perceived to have a male's communicative style and plenty of men are able to sit down, share their feelings, and crave all of the information that they can get. Though this piece makes a hasty generalization that can come off as being "woman-hating" you communicate well about the differences between men and women. You wrote a poem that speaks and you aren't in control of what your piece says, so remember that and don't apologize for what the reader gets out of it. The truth of the matter is, they determine the meaning of everything they read and your meaning for the piece may not be anything close to what they get out of it, but that is their fault and not yours. You said what you needed to say. No apologies.

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Here's the note I sent to "The Purple Kazoo" in a personal message. I'm posting it just in case another "youngin'" who obviously didn't read this piece or my statement in the "Author's Note". **Sigh**

You completely missed the point of this entire piece and you're the only one who has. If you read my disclaimer at the bottom of the poem and if you read my reviews, you would see that I spoke nothing of homosexual relationships! I am completely in support of all human rights and you giving the comment that you did, not only showed your age, but also your immaturity. This poem was a comedic farce about it being easier to deal with men as oppose to women. Gay, straight, and even females found it to be a funny piece. I don't question how tough it is to be gay or lesbian(if you read my piece at the bottom, again you would've understood that), but this poem had absolutely nothing to do with the nature of homosexual relationships and it's seriousness. I'm glad you read it though.

[The Purple Kazoo]

not to be mean or anything, but when i read this, i was vaguely disgusted. you think gay men have it made?? what is between your ears, AIR???? in case you haven't noticed, gay couples--male or female--can only get married in two states. in most states, someone can be fired for being gay or lesbian. something called HOMOPHOBIA (have you heard of it?) ruins lives and forces people to lie about who they are. worse, talking about homophobia is taboo pretty much everywhere. thousands of people die because they are gay or lesbian, whether it's from suicide or hate-based murder. in fact, LGBTQ-related suicide in teens is such a huge problem that WE HAVE OUR OWN SUICIDE HOTLINE!!! (i say we because i am a lesbian teen.) it's called The Trevor Project--look it up if you don't believe me.

and even if you were gay, you would still have to live with women. as long as you're not going to try to kill all the females in the world, we're not going anywhere. you can't just run away from half the world's population.

just to wrap it up, being gay is nothing to desire, and wanting to be gay is not something to joke about.

[Lalli]

*snap snap*, Clever clever...

ya know, I hadn't even realized you had sent me this read request before i heard about it. I was told this was a poem i needed to read, then ironically this morning i glanced at my RR list and there it was.

Magnificent write broski! I grew up with 3 sisters, and have watched many of their relationships and how they unfold.

I think somethings we just are not meant to understand and women.... well that certianly one of them! lol!

much love n' respect

-Lalli

[R J Askew]

Arf, arf! Great stuff cos it made me laugh. I like the way you smash all the PC rules...you take all kinds of swipes at all kinds of things. But, unlike many othes who can only ram their views down others' throats until they surrender out of bored exhaustion, you strutt your stuff with elegance and flair and, above, all humour, humour, humour. I'll say it again cos I love the word...humour!

[Mel]

Haha so true! This is a great piece, it would be amazing to see this performed. It made me laugh a lot. Nice one!