Gay Men Got It Made!!!

Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!

"You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when you are a pain in the a*s! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-a*s thing!" 

                                Noah from the movie "The Notebook" 

 

Gay Men

     

Got It Made!!!!!

 

      by Bridgey "YouLookFabulous!!" Crewe

 

"Baby, what's on your

mind?"

 "Boy, where the hell

             you been?"

 

"Oh my God,

                         who is this b***h

 sitting on top

          of your chin!?!?"

 

 

Yeah, she at it again

and I need to be saved

And for this, I swear to God……

GAY MEN GOT IT MADE!!             

 

I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang that you said, early today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

 

Begin my, funeral arranging,

           contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case,

          Since I'm CHOKING on estrogen!

 

Lord, please take me today,

      or at least make me gay

 I'm just a suicide away

From us having this talk, face-to-face

 

 If men are from Mars

 Women are from

on Top of Mars'

Nerves!

With Kryptonite embedded

          in the throes of their curves

 

 Men are slaves to your RHYTHM

& the dirty attention you give’em!!

That’s why we "zombie" towards the corridors

Of monogamy with’em

But then, the women change

& the RHYTHM just ain’t the same

Now the dirty attention we got

Are distant memories in our brain!

First they, want you to leave,

then cry when you don't stay

They don't wanna give you sex

& get pissed when you masturbate!

 

**Sigh**....I need an aspirin the size of a plate

 To combat this.... exasperating headache of a mate!

 

gay men got it made!

Cause when men talk, they only say,

Who/ What/ When/ Where /and Why

Thing/ Person/ or Place

 

Men keep it short & really simple

        when we have something to say

Not a two-hour sermon when someone asks

  "How was your day?"

 

BUT I'M A SLAVE! 

I’m a SLAVE TO THEIR.....

       FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts" that I crave

 

I just need a deaf, mute

robotic Beyonce'

With attention-deficit

who can cook like Rachel Ray!

Who really knows what she wants

before she goes to say...

        

"I want this."

But what she means, is

"I want this.....today."

  Because tomorrow she’ll want "that"

and so now you gotta change,

until she wants back the "this"

SHE HAD THE DAY

BEFORE YESTERDAY!!

 

I swear to Christ,

    I can't stand you!

You beautiful, sexy, bi-polar mind, fine, but so blind cause you can't drive, shopping all the damn time, feminine, sensual, gorgeous individual, with your dimples, that I'm in to, Goddess of my body's temple, you temper-tantrum professional, wallpaper changing, furniture rearranging, constantly complaining, forcing me to watch your stupid "Lifetime" movie specials, you special ed. needing, breathing "thorn in my lower regions",

I love you til I die, and I guess that's the reason......

 

I can't be gay......

With women,

you take the good with the bad

But I guess I'll just metaphorically

"Take it up the a*s!"

 

Author's Note

Yeah I said it!!!!! So?!?!?! Women suck!!! I said it! Gay men got it made!!! Yes! Women drive me completely crazy and if I were gay, I wouldn't have to deal with em!
But in all seriousness, I know there's no more drama with gay couples, but I just used the title to express my own frustration right now with a certain someone(SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!). I did this out of fun and I hope you digs.....


**1/30/09** Okay, this needs to be said apparently from some of the notes I'm getting. I have gay relatives and my best male friend is gay. No one argues that a homosexual lifestyle is a difficult one, even today. And I am as accepting a person of EVERYONE that you will find! This poem isn't to mock, but it's simply saying that dealing and being involved with other men is easier than dealing with women! It's done in fun and in parody. I never once even dipped into describing what it's like to be in a gay relationship rather than to poke fun at my own frustrations with women.

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

Okay bro! You know you got a great poem when two people on this site stop in the middle of reading your poem (at two different locations) to text one another about how good it is. Man my stomach hurt! I needed that laugh in the worst way. I am marking this one down because I got a few friends who fit this perfectly and when I read them this poem I hope they get a message. Standing "O" after my stomach stop hurting and I wipe away the tears of laughter.

[Farrah Grahm]

Well good Lord!
You and my exboyfriend share the exact same sentiments. It's sad really. Because we as women, most of us, don't realize these flaws, we don't exactly know when we're being bitchy, whiny, needy, bossy, flip-floppy, and annoying. Yet, you all need us, you do!
But, it has been said that when a man falls in love, he falls deeply in love, and if he was there for the sex, he would leave the b***h as soon as he was done with her. The fact that you are still with her proves that you love her and her craziness.
I like this. I'm adapting to your style and I love it. I love the climax of each poem, the wrap up where you just throw adjectives around and it becomes real fast paced and snappy. It's what I call 'wordplay', note: jason mraz. It's throwing the idea at your audience so quick and suddenly that they're either forced to believe what you say, or too dumbfounded to come up with their own opinion. It's cynical, smart and funny. Great, great job.

[QuietPoet]

Wow.. lol

I dont know if i should be offended or to agree with you. lol. I understand woman can be crazy sometimes, thats why I dont have much girls as friends... But i liked how you summed it up and said you love her anyway. Nice write.

[Gandré]

must be food what makes aggressive. LOL.
in my opinion, all promiscuity is insecurity.
A secure person does not need to experience many partners.
Such a person looks for a friend first and then falls in love with the person behind it.
Perhaps I am just totally boring in my ways. I would never watch MTV, I would not desire
to be like everybody else, I would not give my money away for movies, I hardly watch TV,
I could not fall in love with someone who is womenizer or anything superb body, I think,
I would love to fall in love with an amazingly charming mind that undertands my thoughts.
all this about appearance things - and this decadent society - you described it perfectly.
I enjoyed this poem. I also like gays: But I would not want them to be the teacher of my
future child. great poem, your rant.

[DaWonAndOnli]

Great poem! I enjoyed it because you cant live with'em but you cant live without them. It's like they're the cause and remedy at the same time. Talk about irony.

[Shards]

"Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!"
HAHAHA!!!
very classy Bridge the imagery this evoked made me laugh till tears were streaming
as for the piece itself
another great write sir, humorous and intelligent words
as always with a great flow

[Amanda]

i had to laugh hard with this one...rolf....but seriously, i realize that we, women, can be a royal pain on the arse....but it's good that you admit that you can live without us. ;)

...but on the flipside, you men are just as bad sometimes.

it was a good write anyway, Brjden. :)

Amanda

[Rebecca Rogers]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This is hilarious! I don't take this personal because women gripe and complain about men all the time too =P

Nice work!! :)))

[Cynari]

What else can I say? Truer words have never been spoken. I admit we can be "crazy" at times LOL. I'm proud to be a woman, look at the power we possess, although I myself would never abuse it ;-)

Men can be just as much work!

All jokes aside I really enjoyed it! Take care.

[(no es) maria]

HAHAHA! WoW!

Spoken like sooo many other straight men that are frustrated.....with the women that aren't just "I got you under my skin"... they permeate into your DNA!
I know so many people that wish sexuality was like insurance policies... you know, like you could just change it. But unfortunately we can't. We're wired the way we're wired the way we're wired and... that's what makes love and lust so frustratingly beautiful and complicated.

Kudos for saying what comes from the heart!

[Walkingblind]

Haha! I love this, dripping with sarcasm. This poem is a killer I almost died
from laughing to much! Yeah we do pound on a brotha sometimes. But you have
to admit we boss hard baby! And thats why you love us! We are beautifully
complex creatures and it drives guys insane. I loved this man I can't believe
I've never read your work before! After that poem I don't see why you had
to explain yourself so many times I guess people just don't get it!
I'm luvin it keep'em comin!