Gay Men Got It Made!!!

Women suck!! They are so bi-polar and frustrating!!! I swear to God if men were headless, had breasts, a VaJay, and a nice a*s, I would be gay!!!!

"You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a b***h and I tell you when you are a pain in the a*s! Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings! You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-a*s thing!" 

                                Noah from the movie "The Notebook" 

 

Gay Men

     

Got It Made!!!!!

 

      by Bridgey "YouLookFabulous!!" Crewe

 

"Baby, what's on your

mind?"

 "Boy, where the hell

             you been?"

 

"Oh my God,

                         who is this b***h

 sitting on top

          of your chin!?!?"

 

 

Yeah, she at it again

and I need to be saved

And for this, I swear to God……

GAY MEN GOT IT MADE!!             

 

I just wanna watch the game without using my brain but that's when, you enter in & say the same damn thang that you said, early today & now I silently pray, that you finish in time before my team runs the next play!

 

Begin my, funeral arranging,

           contact my next of kin

I'm HOPING that's the case,

          Since I'm CHOKING on estrogen!

 

Lord, please take me today,

      or at least make me gay

 I'm just a suicide away

From us having this talk, face-to-face

 

 If men are from Mars

 Women are from

on Top of Mars'

Nerves!

With Kryptonite embedded

          in the throes of their curves

 

 Men are slaves to your RHYTHM

& the dirty attention you give’em!!

That’s why we "zombie" towards the corridors

Of monogamy with’em

But then, the women change

& the RHYTHM just ain’t the same

Now the dirty attention we got

Are distant memories in our brain!

First they, want you to leave,

then cry when you don't stay

They don't wanna give you sex

& get pissed when you masturbate!

 

**Sigh**....I need an aspirin the size of a plate

 To combat this.... exasperating headache of a mate!

 

gay men got it made!

Cause when men talk, they only say,

Who/ What/ When/ Where /and Why

Thing/ Person/ or Place

 

Men keep it short & really simple

        when we have something to say

Not a two-hour sermon when someone asks

  "How was your day?"

 

BUT I'M A SLAVE! 

I’m a SLAVE TO THEIR.....

       FEMININE WAYS!

Addicted to their charms

And "girly parts" that I crave

 

I just need a deaf, mute

robotic Beyonce'

With attention-deficit

who can cook like Rachel Ray!

Who really knows what she wants

before she goes to say...

        

"I want this."

But what she means, is

"I want this.....today."

  Because tomorrow she’ll want "that"

and so now you gotta change,

until she wants back the "this"

SHE HAD THE DAY

BEFORE YESTERDAY!!

 

I swear to Christ,

    I can't stand you!

You beautiful, sexy, bi-polar mind, fine, but so blind cause you can't drive, shopping all the damn time, feminine, sensual, gorgeous individual, with your dimples, that I'm in to, Goddess of my body's temple, you temper-tantrum professional, wallpaper changing, furniture rearranging, constantly complaining, forcing me to watch your stupid "Lifetime" movie specials, you special ed. needing, breathing "thorn in my lower regions",

I love you til I die, and I guess that's the reason......

 

I can't be gay......

With women,

you take the good with the bad

But I guess I'll just metaphorically

"Take it up the a*s!"

 

Author's Note

Yeah I said it!!!!! So?!?!?! Women suck!!! I said it! Gay men got it made!!! Yes! Women drive me completely crazy and if I were gay, I wouldn't have to deal with em!
But in all seriousness, I know there's no more drama with gay couples, but I just used the title to express my own frustration right now with a certain someone(SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!). I did this out of fun and I hope you digs.....


**1/30/09** Okay, this needs to be said apparently from some of the notes I'm getting. I have gay relatives and my best male friend is gay. No one argues that a homosexual lifestyle is a difficult one, even today. And I am as accepting a person of EVERYONE that you will find! This poem isn't to mock, but it's simply saying that dealing and being involved with other men is easier than dealing with women! It's done in fun and in parody. I never once even dipped into describing what it's like to be in a gay relationship rather than to poke fun at my own frustrations with women.

Reviews

[THE LOST ROSE]

Okay bro! You know you got a great poem when two people on this site stop in the middle of reading your poem (at two different locations) to text one another about how good it is. Man my stomach hurt! I needed that laugh in the worst way. I am marking this one down because I got a few friends who fit this perfectly and when I read them this poem I hope they get a message. Standing "O" after my stomach stop hurting and I wipe away the tears of laughter.

[Her]

This is actually really, really funny. The other day, one of my close friends said to me "all you lesbians have it easy." Your poem reminded me of that.
Anyway, this poem was a very enjoyable read. I've never really seen the whole font, size and color changing in a poem before, so that was refreshing and really cool too.
And, I agree. Women can be very suckish and hard to put up with.
You are a very talented writer. Kudos.

[bluessadmood]

Lord, please take me away,
or at least make me gay!
Cause she's gonna "b***h & complain"
me to death...If I'm a stay!
First they, want you to leave,
Then cry when you don't stay
They don't wanna give you none
& get mad when you masturbate
BUT I'M A SLAVE!
SLAVE TO THEIR.....FEMININE WAYS!
Addicted to their charms
And "girly parts", that I crave
wow ,how did i ever miss this,this is so wonderful write,but my friend if women were not like that
nagging and arguing all the time,a simple matter grows too much in their hands,and talk too much
but thats where their beauty comes,they are irrational fully emotional,they dont think with their
heads but with their hearts,very emotional human beings ,though from Mars,ha ha,
thats whats lovely about women,what ever we see as irrational making no sense,its their beauty that lies there
you just cant live without them ha ha..
and yes i love Beyonce,but Rachel Ray is my favorite,you see how much she talks,ha ha
lovely write..

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Well written, I heard you talking about me. I'm so hormonal I don't even understand myself sometimes. But a last this is why we are attracted to each other, the mysteries that can be unfolded.

I understand what you're saying, as a joke if you were in a relationship with a man, you may understand each other's needs and wants better. If someone didn't get that it's their problem, you shouldn't have to explain your work and never apologize for expressing how you feel.

[Mr. Deft Diction]

I love this joint, 'cause I'm always telling my woman that gay men have it made, LOL!!! All of those things that make a woman a woman....gotta take the good with the bad, and you said it quite well in this piece.

I like the flow and the wordplay in this. Well said, and DEFINITELY understood from THIS hetero!

Keep goin'.

1

[Rhan F. Sydney]

-smiles- Some women suck better than others...damn...I'm sorry..you set that one up. haha. But yeah, women are pretty bitchy and bitchin all at the same time

[Jinx's Heart]

Hilarious! Horrible, but hilarious.

[Collette]

Oh, the places you'll go when you stir up a little controversy, hm? I think people are giving this piece too much gravity in the serious realm, and not fully immersing themselves in the good-natured humor. Of course you're not gay. You don't want to be gay. You're just frustrated with the opposite sex and suffering from a case of the "Grass is greener". I'd be willing to bet money that sometimes gay individuals wish they were someone else, -but that is just it: WISHES. Not solid, concrete resolve. Just flimsy little wishes. It's like a woman begging for a hysterectmy during childbirth. Is that what she really wants?, -no. Just a little relief from the suffering, and some outsider attention to the problem.

/end rant.

Anyway, this is so typical you. The feel and the flow. It's like returning home after a long, long absence. Even though the topics vary, you always fufil that high role and part. The mastery is obvious, and the subject is humorous. I can't count on my hands how many times my girlfriends and I wished we were gay after a nasty relationship battle. It's only natural.

Men are slaves to your RHYTHM
& the dirty attention you give em
So we "zombie" towards the corridors
Of monogamy with em
But then, the women change
& the RHYTHM is not the same
The dirty attention we got
Are distant memories in our brain!
First they, want you to leave,
Then cry when you don't stay
They don't wanna give you none
& get mad when you masturbate!

haha, I think you've pointed out an interesting aspect of the "doomed" relationship. Maybe people should practice free love?

snap snap snap.

[Bud]

LOL! I love this line;
I just need a deaf, mute, robotic Beyonce' And,

I can't be gay......
With women, take the good with the bad
But I'll still metaphorically
"Take it up the a*s!"

Excellent!!!!!! I, also, love the way your words flow on the common subjects most dare not speak of!

[April Child]

Hehe I was reminded of a saying "I only have 1 nerve left and you're getting on it!" as I read this.

Yes we women are confounding creatures but then so are you guys, maybe God is the one with the real sense of humour.

The final stanza is just brilliant. You rant good!

[Starr]

Oh my goodness...LOL! I absolutely love this one. I had to chuckle hard at a few things. You did your thing! :-)