Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye,

I hoped it wouldn't be forever

As tears ran down my face and yours too,

I said goodbye,

No you said,

it'll never be goodbye

I'll see you later,

With a smile I was able to say it back

but in my head, I am sorry to admit,

I said goodbye,

You let go of my hand,

After taking a quick glance at the ring

I promised the day you put it on my finger

to never leave you,

So I'm sorry but…

I said goodbye,

I thought I couldn't have felt a pain worse

when you walked away waving your hand,

I was wrong.

The soldiers showed up at my house months later

and I knew.

But don't worry dear,

I had already said goodbye.

Reviews

[Bill Grimke-Drayton]

Somehow I get the feeling that you have had direct experience of this. There is a constant refrain: I said goodbye. It is final. You know it is. Sometimes two people say things which they know are untrue, but they are said to shield each other from the pain and grief which they realize are inevitable. In French, there is "au revoir" and the more final "adieu". The former is more commonly used. With the latter you are submitting yourself to fate. This poem has a simple message which is expressed in a very evocative way.

[Brittany Bostic]

Thank you so much for your words. It's so great that you've understood finality and message.

[Not here]

this is very touching. i liked reading it. great job :)

[Brittany Bostic]

thank you :)

[Kreative Kana]

This is a beautiful poem. That's all I can say. Beautiful and sad and touching.
100/100

[Brittany Bostic]

Thank you for your review.

[Kreative Kana]

You're welcome.

[Richard🖌]

Oh, Brittany,
This is so poignantly beautiful!
I've heard it said, "There is a certain beauty in sadness!" and by virtue of this excellent, moving Free Verse offering, you've proven this is so very true.

In particular, though the essence of your tale is not original, the ambience of those moments so vividly and emotionally deep your words portray swept me up into the moment, and this is the true original hallmark of a poet's power over their readers … excellent, Brittany!

On the more techy side, there are a few issues needing to be addressed in making this work the virtual masterpiece it deserves to be. In poetry, as in most any writing, conservation is the heart of excellence, ie; the more said with fewest words, the better for writer and reader, alike:
V1L3 "As tears ran down our cheeks" (or some-such) / V2L1 "No", you said, (etc;) I'll see you later." V4L1 omit "that".
There are several grammar issues you need to revisit and correct throughout, namely: punctuation, word arrangement for a more effective poetic voice, unnecessarily and incorrectly beginning every line with a capital.

Whatever, there is no denying your splendid poetical potential to become a master composer of poetry, and it will require so little for you to be there.
Thank you, Brittany, for sharing your amazingly wondrous mind, heart, and soul with an olde bard … smiles 'n hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

90/100 … easily made 100/100

[Brittany Bostic]

Thank you very much for your critiques and such kind words of my writing. These words will help this poem as well as other poetry pieces I have written.

[Richard🖌]

I truly hope I've helped you better your skills and that you'll apply the corrections to this excellent poem, Brittany … I genuinely enjoy your poetic efforts and see in you a great potential.
You are so very welcome … it is a pleasure to help my fellow poets and poetesses. : )

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that terrible moment, when the soldiers show up at the door with the news...makes us wonder if goodbye is ever enough---but sometimes in relationships even when it is not about war...we say goodbye before the actual endings...

[Brittany Bostic]

Thank you for your words. I am always so happy to hear your reviews.