Circles

 

 

 

I can see his reflection in the bathroom mirror, as he stands in the doorway. "You're not clean enough. Keep going until I say 'stop'." I'm sitting in my bathtub. The water is so hot- everything below my pre-pubescent chest is turning red, while everything above is goose-bumped. I squeeze some Johnson and Johnson into my palm and lather my head. He studies me and grunts, leaning against the bathroom counter. My arms start to get sore from shampooing. I make circles with my elbows and try to think about something else. There's an old, rubber ducky on the corner of the tub. It's turned over on its side.

 

I can see a crack spidering from its chest to its belly. Over the years rubber ducky has made many a bath enjoyable. Now it watches me as I scrub my head. Hoping in the end, we both make it out without drowning. Circles I tell myself. Circles. He suddenly shifts in the doorway. I stop for a moment. He nods his head. With my thumb and pointer finger I plug my nose. Take a deep breath, and fall back. I forget to close my eyes.

 

I can see him move to stand over the tub as I glug around under water. The soap and ripples make everything distorted. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand...I count off and hope that I'm doing this right. I surface faster than I should, my hands flying to the sides, sloshing water out of the tub. He jumps back and angrily smacks rubber ducky in.

 

I can see ducky plop into my bath-water. And like a slow-motion movie moment, sink towards the bottom.

 

I can see he's mad. He points to the bar of soap. Then, to the wash rag over the faucet. I dip the rag in the water and make suds with the soap. Motioning for me to stand, he steps back, resuming his lean on the counter. It's so hot. A sweaty film of condensation has collected on the mirror. I can no longer see his reflection. Steam is hovering over me, around me, on me. I try not to pass out and stand up.

 

I can clearly see my legs are lobster-red. I pass the rag over them, over my chest, under my arms. I try to get my back but can't reach it all the way. He points to my privates. I wash down there and audibly choke on a sob trying to surface. I wash my backside, my hands, neck. He reaches in the tub and pulls the drain.

 

I can see him take his shirt off. I lower my head. I can feel the soap drying on my skin. The little bubbles pop and tickle me. The water makes a long sound- like a sluuuuuurp. In due time it disappears. Leaving me standing in silt. Just me and rubber ducky.

 

I can see soap coating the rubber ducky. A bubble has formed perfectly below its faded, blue eye. For a moment I think it feels like I do.

 

I can see he's naked now. He steps into the tub with me, pushing me back. Pulling the shower curtain he fumbles with the taps. Half hot, one quarter cold. I stand shivering as his body blocks the flow of warm, clean water. I watch him shampoo his own head. I watch as he puts the bar of soap to his skin, and rub it around furiously. I'm eye-level with his back-side. I don't want to look at it so I look at my feet. The water is pushing rubber ducky around the bottom of the tub. I imagine myself in conversation with it. It'll be over soon, I think. Ducky just stares back, emotionless.

 

I can see he's done washing himself. He turns and his groin is in my face. I step back and slip. Grabbing the shower curtain I steady myself. I make eye-contact with him for the first time. He smiles. Not a generous, inviting smile. No, a smile like sharks would have in confrontation with a small fish. Stop. Stop, stop, stop. I chant in my head. As if by a miracle or telepathy, he finishes rinsing off and gets out. Eagerly, I rinse myself off. Savoring the warm water as it slowly cools. I turn off the taps and put rubber ducky back on the side of the tub, upright. In my mind, ducky is apologizing - I'm Sorry forming on his beak. I pull the shower curtain back and am relieved that he's gone.

 

 

Reviews

[TheReal]

I had no intention on reading this.... But I couldn't stop. I was captivated and intrigued by not "knowing"... if that makes sense. This was really good. You left no room for escape.

[roarke]

The last sentence is what sets this whole piece on edge. I don't know if I would include it or not. It does its job. I'm not criticizing, it's that it just with one sentence affects ALL the other sentences in the piece.

Should this piece have this last sentence, should it have a different one, should it have one at all?

In one consideration, the sentence, "I pull the shower curtain back and am relieved that he's gone." frames this piece as one condition.

the last sentence, "I can see now what happens when I play in the mud." shifts the motivation to the weaker person, that they might have instigated the intimidation of the other.... I don't think that's what you intended from your other pieces, but if this was the only piece someone read of yours, they might get that impression.

It's almost as if these two sentences are opposites of each other, possibly tending to cancel each other out.

I agree, an intense, brave and daring piece. As an artist, you certainly evoked a reaction from your readers. Kudos.

[Leap]

Chills. Goosebumps. Chicken flesh. This is one of the most captivating things I've read in a while.

[Tim M]

This is brave and beautiful.

[Jibey]

This was a power and intense write, with a tension throughout as the girl in the bath is subjected to bullying and abuse, as she obeys and fears, hoping to get through, somehow... Very dramatic, very tense and impelling... I was somehow relieved that he made n further demands on her, but the menace was always there..

You capture it all with consummate skill...

[DavidRyanM]

Wow....heavy s**t. The way you wrote this is so real and gritty and disturbing. Almost like a scene from "Happiness". Even though it's a tough subject to tackle, you did is masterfully and kept me interested the entire way, while, at the same time, flirting with disturbing the reader completely. Well done, dear.