Self-infliction

I wrote this so I would stop doing those things to myself

"You have to study,"
"It is just a game,"
Bla, bla, bla.
They're always yelling about something.
It makes me so mad
Then those thoughts come in my head,
Those ugly thoughts.
That wil make you shake,
But you will never have them
Only people with sad minds like mine
It is not what you are thinking
It is more terrible then that
I us want to grab something sharp
And let it slide through my skin.
But I'd does not go as I planned.
My hand shakes and cannot cut.
I try with many things
But it seems like it won't budge
Then sometimes I will try to hit
But them my hands will not go hard enough
Against my leg.
I need help, yes I know
But I do no know now to tell people
And when I do it is in a letter.
Then at the end it says not to tell
I want to know what they think
But they are to far away
Then again I may not want to know
Because they will not say
Just be aware about it
So please help me
I need to know
How to stop
These ugly thoughts
From coming to my mind.

Author's Note

I wrote is October 31, 2012 and since them I wrote a letter to my parents and put it farther in their books and later I got a therapist.
And as I typed this up it made me cry.
I am happier now, but slightly have some of those thoughts.