Introduction

Introduction

I can hear the Nocturie approaching us.  They are coming towards us quickly, their every step echoing as they get closer.  My heart feels like it is ready to pound right through my ribcage.   Every sound is intensely acute to my ears.  Adrenaline is pulsing through my veins causing my hands to shake. 

“Jodaya, how close are they to us?” a voice asks and I jump.  I have been ignoring them as they talk about how to get us out of this situation.  I am not going to be of any help, after all, so why even try.  Even as a vampire I am useless.  “Jodaya.   Which way are they approaching from?  How close to us?”

My eyes look at the speaker, Audric �" my sire.  Then I look at Grace who is still covered with cuts and bruises.  She looks horrible but she still has more strength than I do.  There is little vampire in my system.  I’m not strong, or fast.  My healing is slower than theirs. 

Still, I have my hearing which has always been good.  With that thought I focus on listening for the Nocturie. 

I can hear them approaching. 

“A mile, maybe a mile and a half,” I say while pointing to my right. 

“East,” Audric says as I open my eyes.  “Okay.  Jodaya, when they come and the fighting starts I want you to stay behind us.  If things get too bad I want you to hide yourself away.”

“But...” I begin but he cuts me off.

“No, Jodaya.  You are not yet strong enough to defend yourself.  Maybe with time,” he states and I glare.  I can feel he is concerned for our safety but he’s trying to keep a level mind.  I know that arguing won’t help so I decide not to. 

“I know,” I tell him as I hear somebody outside the door.  “They are here.”  I turn to the door while Audric, Grace, and Richard all get between me and the Nocturie.  That’s when they come in shattering the door...

 

 

 

Author's Note

This is just the introduction, a little excerpt... but would you think? Would you continue reading from this alone? Any problems that you can find? Thanks for reading...

Reviews

[TAO]

I don't often review on the mechanics of one's work, but I find your approach...intriguing, if only for how difficult I can imagine it must be to write from 1st person POV. The only problem I could say I have with it, mechanically, is where the tense is concerned...

Example: “Jodaya, how close are they to us?” a voice asked and I jumped, having been ignoring them as they talked about how to get us out of this situation since I am not going to be of any help.

My eyes look at the speaker, Audric " my sire.

These seems to go from speaking in the past tense to speaking in the present tense. Is this intentional? If so, disregard. If not, do you see my point? The continuity of it is disturbed, some.

Overall, very well done for the introduction. I mean, it may need a little more flesh, so to speak...but then again, coming right into the action might work out very well, too. Great work. We'll definitely be keeping up.