Again & Again

So on top of dealing with PTSD I was trying to reconnect with my mother, who of course soon had one of her vicious freak outs and I was forced onto the street again. This is about that.

Again & Again

Here I am again,

I have been betrayed by you once more.

Our relationship is one I tried to mend,

Tried to mend, to bend, again and again,

But now I see that I could never be...

I could never be someone you care for.

I hate that you take the responsibility for raising me,

When in reality... I did it all myself.

By myself, without you, in frozen nights

No shelter, no food, my heart was torn.

Again and again I would play pretend,

Just to pretend that you might love me.

And again and again I realise when I cry,

I cry on my own with no one to tell me it will be alright.

No one to even say good night.

I cry again and again, for the mother I never had.

For the warm, loving woman who doesn't exist.

And the sick thing is that I still want you back,

Again and again after all the venom you spew,

the venom I once thought was true.

That I should die.

That my worthless blood would never know love,

The more I breath the more you hate me like a drug.

No matter how much I struggle to be good for you.

To be the only child you have to protect and care for you.

If only you knew...

That again and again, I wait here and prove...

And prove you're not going to show.

So again and again... I stand alone.

I stand alone to raise the best woman you will never know.

Author's Note

I am okay now. I was forced last minute to pack a small bag and start my life anew hours and hours away from everybody I know. But luckily, I have good people here to help me :)

Reviews

[Jamestown]

I enjoyed this poem, I can't say enough about it, great job, thanks for sharing and very happy to know your doing ok.

[Skai Rain]

I am glad you enjoyed. Thank you :)

[Emily]

I like I started it, it sucked me right in!
Well done!

[Skai Rain]

Thank you for reading.

[Brooklyn]

Theres a lot of pain in those words. :( Very heart breaking.......

[Skai Rain]

Yeah... thanks for reading.

[Lizardo]

I feel the sentiment here, I hope everything worked out!
What a great piece of poetry you have here, I really love it

[Skai Rain]

Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the read.

[DoormanDan]

I really really could feel the pain being expressed through every word of this poem. You really go me with the lines I cry on my own with no one to tell me it will be alright, no one to even say good night. I'm really sorry to here that you're going through such a hard time, and I'm glad to here that you are okay. I really hope everything continues to go well for you. Take care :)

[Skai Rain]

Thank you. I am glad you could feel the words.

[AaronFreitas]

Great work Brit. I really enjoyed the detail and passion behind your feelings. I feel a lot of people can connect to these words as at times we try so hard to please others and be what we assume they want us to be only to be let down. I went through a similar thing with my step dad. No matter how hard I tried no matter what i did it was never good enough. So needless to say your words connected with me. I really enjoyed reading your work... keep it up :)