Again & Again

Again & Again

A Poem by Skai Rain
"

So on top of dealing with PTSD I was trying to reconnect with my mother, who of course soon had one of her vicious freak outs and I was forced onto the street again. This is about that.

"

Again & Again


Here I am again,


I have been betrayed by you once more.


Our relationship is one I tried to mend,


Tried to mend, to bend, again and again,


But now I see that I could never be...


I could never be someone you care for.


I hate that you take the responsibility for raising me,


When in reality... I did it all myself.


By myself, without you, in frozen nights


No shelter, no food, my heart was torn.


Again and again I would play pretend,


Just to pretend that you might love me.


And again and again I realise when I cry,


I cry on my own with no one to tell me it will be alright.


No one to even say good night.


I cry again and again, for the mother I never had.


For the warm, loving woman who doesn't exist.


And the sick thing is that I still want you back,


Again and again after all the venom you spew,


the venom I once thought was true.


That I should die.


That my worthless blood would never know love,


The more I breath the more you hate me like a drug.


No matter how much I struggle to be good for you.


To be the only child you have to protect and care for you.


If only you knew...


That again and again, I wait here and prove...


And prove you're not going to show.


So again and again... I stand alone.


I stand alone to raise the best woman you will never know.

© 2015 Skai Rain


Author's Note

Skai Rain
I am okay now. I was forced last minute to pack a small bag and start my life anew hours and hours away from everybody I know. But luckily, I have good people here to help me :)

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Reviews

The ending is spot on perfect. I think it's a beautifully tragic sort of sentiment, and it speaks to your strength to write it. And even more to display it. I applaud.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Emotional poem. I really hope you are okay. This poem is really powerful and though I don't know you, I hope that you will be the best woman your mother ever knew.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Emotion oozed freely here as it should. The maternal connection is the strongest biological one and when that goes awry a piece of us dies. Thanks for sharing...hang in there :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Very good poem here, and the words held so much emotion and I could tell that you poured your heart and soul into it! Well done!

-Mila

Posted 10 Years Ago


Sometimes to stand alone pains but is needed...love n light to you Brit xo

Posted 10 Years Ago


I like this poem very moving and one I can easily relate to. I love the emotional value it carries, very well written indeed. To the writers i say write on!

Posted 10 Years Ago


I cry on my own with no one to tell me it will be alright.
No one to even say good night.

So again and again... I stand alone.
I stand alone to raise the best woman you will never know.

It was threatened but then you came back with lots of confidence which is Great.
I love this.

Posted 10 Years Ago


In absence of love and understanding all relationships become venomous no matter how close they may be by blood. I could completely relate to your poem.

Posted 10 Years Ago


That last line shows the resilience of your spirit. I feel your pain in this and a sadness that your mother doesn't realize the gift she has in you. Life shapes us in many different ways but ultimately we become our own artist and you have done a magnificent job. This is a heart-wrenching poem and I wish you could have the relationship you long for.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on January 20, 2015
Last Updated on January 20, 2015

Author

Skai Rain
Skai Rain

Canada



About
My name is Brit and I've been writing since I was about eleven. My skill still isn't magnificent, but that's why I have come to this site. So please give me as much support as you can and I shall do .. more..

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For Love For Love

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