Savior

A girl laments on the hardship she has faced.

When she is at her worst, her world crumbles. Everything she feels become nothing more than pain. She begins to drown, sinking into a darkness she can never escape. She screams for help but is not heard. She tries to claw her way up, fight to resurface, to become whole again. Each time she believes she will escape, the darkness drags her down further than she has ever been, dragging her to a place where once she is in she can never escape again, can never be free. She begs mercy, she pleads to be let go, to be allowed to climb back up, to piece herself together so she can go on. All she wants is to be okay, to be happy, to escape the tormenting agony she is put through. Terrible desires surface. Urges that she believes will be the only way to make her feel anything other than the sinking, consuming chaos that plagues her makes her want to put thought action and she does, Her mother forces her to wear sleeves over her arms, to wear pants to hide her legs. She is not cared for, she is property. For her, there is no hope. For her, she will forever be the worthless pathetic creature that was never meant to be born, the creature her mother wished was dead. Day by day she was told she was not good enough. Day by day she was treated like she was anything but human. Day by day she is told to die. Her prison became the only thing she knew, she had no choice, but to shrug it off and laugh at it as if it were nothing, She did day by day, month by month, year by year smashing all her emotions deep within her, breaking her. That is not a solution, that is not the way to deal with constant internal pain, yet it is what she did until finally, she cracked. "If you want me dead, then I will die." She planned to leave this world, to escape the feelings she had never expressed before, the feelings that were consuming every bit of her, that were drowning her. She believed that nothing out there was worth it. Nothing was worth being her mother's slave and punching bag. The day she decided to finally take away the pain, to end everything she never felt more at peace. She read as she always did, waiting for the class as she always did, knowing this was her last day and never again would she have had to experience everything that hurt her. That changed when he came. Despite the barriers she put up, he sat with her and talked to her. She visited her when he could and smiles with her, talked with her. Something about him made her want to stay, just a little bit longer until he inevitably left her, as everyone did and yet day after day, he never failed to come. He became something that saved her, he became something important to her. He became her shining light in the darkness urging her to come toward him, to help guide her out and escape the feelings she had by simply being there, talking to her, and treasuring her as a friend until he became more. Her feeling for him surprised her, they were far different than anything she had felt for others in her life. She realized that he was the only person who could understand her and accept her regardless of the scars, regardless of her meltdowns, regardless of her swinging emotions, he accepted it all. It did not take long for the feelings to come. The were not reciprocated. She knew and accepted it because as long as he was there, even as just a friend, it was what she wanted, needed. Him. He saved her, she loved him, he took care of her and treasured her, she no longer felt she needed to leave this world. Then, it was her turn to save him.