Please Don't Leave Me

A Story by It's_Sky_lmao

Please, listen to what I have to say. I need you. I don’t think I could deal with you leaving again. I know what I’ve said in the past, but that really doesn’t mean a thing. All this time I’ve been denying the truth, that I can’t do it alone. Honestly, I’ve only seen this from the narrow viewpoint of a child and that’s cost me. The thoughts I’ve kept inside were the ones that should’ve been heard, the ones that actually meant something. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn and I doubt I’ll catch onto any of this anytime soon, but I guess I’ll keep trying. This’ll have to do for now, won’t it? Actually, don’t answer that because I’m afraid if you do then it’ll mean it’s really over.

Don’t do it, okay. Don’t trust what I’ve said, none of it. Not the good, not the bad. Don’t trust it because I’m not sure which parts I believe myself. I act like I have a clue, but in all reality I have no idea what I’m going to do now. It messed me up. I can’t even sleep at night anymore, yet during the day that’s all I want to do. It’s bad, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk to people. I know I didn’t talk much to begin with, but I never completely isolated myself. I’ve wanted to reach out to you, but I don’t know how. I can’t figure out what words to use and I feel like I’m walking on glass. I want to make it better, but I know that even if I put a band-aid on it, the scar will still be there.

Leave if you want to, I can’t stop you. It’s your choice and no matter what I think, I have no right to ask you to stay. I’m not the same person you fell for, anyways. She’s gone, probably. She got lost in the maze of my mind, you won’t be able to find her even if you look for the rest of your life. At one point, I thought maybe one day I’d be able to smile like that again without faking it and sometimes I did, when I was talking to you. But those days are over now, I don’t think I can go on talking to you acting like it doesn’t hurt. It does, it hurts so much that I want to break down and cry. But I can’t. I have to keep the aura that nothing’s changed and that I’m fine like I always have been.

Me, just me. That’s what I’ve got now. I didn’t realize it until you were gone that I really don’t have many people to talk to. Sure I’ve got friends, but that doesn’t mean I talk to them like we did. I always looked forward to the nights that I didn’t sleep, the ones where we talked for hours and didn’t have a care in the world. Now, my sleepless nights are filled with thoughts of “What if” and you. It always goes back to you and I hate it. I hate that I can’t do anything about it and I hate that I just have to sit on the sidelines and watch as you move on. I hate that all I want to say is “Don’t leave me” but I can’t because I’ve painted this smile on my face and if I try to speak, the tears might fall out. Scratch that, just knowing you’ve got someone else makes it nearly impossible to go on. But I’ll stay here, hoping one day I might be able to move on too. I’ll stay hoping maybe you’ll need me for something, even if it is just to talk about something stupid and trivial because I don’t want to lose you. I’ll stay because I still love you.