You're Finally Gone And There's Nothing I Can Do

You’re gone. I’m not sure why I even tried. I guess I thought that somehow it would all be okay, but it never will be because you refuse to put it behind you. I understand that it hurts, believe me, I do.  That still doesn’t mean you have to make it impossible to mend what’s been broken. I know you know that I understand that it’s not going to go back to the way it was, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the obstacle that stands in the way of it. I always thought that you’d be the one to want to fix what we had no matter how far gone it was.

Finally you’ve taken me down from the pedestal that you had me on, I’ve been waiting for that, you know. I knew it would happen eventually, you’d find out that there’s no such thing as perfection or at least you realized if there is, I’m not it. Maybe I’m just wasting time, but I don’t care. I know you don’t think I want to be friends, but I really do. It’s over, but I wanna see you again because you’re still important to me even if you don’t want to be. You can call me anything just as long as we’re still friends.

Gone with the wind, as they say. I thought I’d be the one left behind, but I never thought that you’d push me to leave. Tell me that you’re alright, because I really care. At this rate, I’m scared you may end up closing yourself off to anyone who tries to come in. Don’t be arrogant, I beg of you. You love yourself so no one has to, but your friends aren’t better off without you.

And you know this is true, even if you try to deny it.

There’s not much left when all that remains is your memory, at least for me. Despite the trust, I’ll just smile and make believe that I don’t feel a thing. The truth is that it doesn’t work for me. I wanted it to be okay, just like you said, but I won’t put forth the effort if you’re not willing.

Nothing will make this go away, no matter what you say or do. I’ll be back for you because I’m not losing you again. I went through enough pain because of this and while I thought avoiding you would be the best decision, I was wrong.

I really am sorry for being so wishy washy about all of this. I’m not a very decisive person, but you probably remember that.

Can you just take a moment to see that I have suffered? If that was your goal in the way you’ve been acting, you did it. Congrats, but just know you didn’t have to do anything extra, I was in pain as it was.

Do you realize how much I’ve thought about this? It’s been over two weeks and I’m still hung up on this. It’s almost funny how I worried about how I felt about you and then my reaction to losing you. Am I depressed? That’s something I don’t know the answer to, maybe I am, maybe not. Either way, this really messed me up. But I need to stop trying to get you back because you’re gone and there’s nothing I can do.