I Love You And I'm Sorry

I realize you may already know everything I’m about to say, but for some reason I felt it necessary to reiterate it.  Something about this just made me want to scream out, to ask you not to leave and to stay by my side. I suppose, in a way, I  did, but I could’ve done it sooner. I’m not really sure why, yet I know that this feels so right. But, is it really? I want to think that it is and I want to think that you’ll finally understand because I honestly don’t know what to do should this not get across to you.

Love’s something that I’ve never truly experienced, but then again, what really is love? All I know is that it’s something I want, something I need, something I want you to give me. These words have never been easier for me to say, but doesn’t that mean they’re just as easy for you to second guess? I love you. Three words that mean too little, three words that just aren’t enough to express my emotions. I can’t fathom how else I could tell you, though, so they’ll have to do for now.

You and I haven’t known each other all that long even though it feels like it’s been a lifetime. I feel like telling you now is pointless, maybe even a betrayal, because I could be derailing our friendship with a simple, stupid, uncontrollable emotion. “You and I”. “Us”. Things I never thought could be broken and hopefully it stays that way. Hopefully, it becomes more than superficial attraction and lust. At least I know, that if I need to, I can let go.

And I know you’re probably not going to take this seriously.

I’m sorry that I’ve told you all of this, I’m sorry that I’m leaving right after confessing. I’m trying my hardest, but the hardest part is letting go of what we shared. I don’t want to let go because you’re all that I’d hoped I’d find, in every way. I need you. So let’s face it, I love you and you don’t love me.

Sorry won’t cut it, I know. I would give you everything, but everything I would give you can’t take. I just wanted you to see the way I felt, the way I feel. At this point, seeing you happy without me makes taking breaths to stay the hardest part of living. I know that I’m good for something, I just don’t know what it is yet so while I try and find it, please stay. Even if you hate me, stay next to me because I can’t do it without you. Even if you wanted me to leave you alone I wouldn’t be able to do it, I’m not that strong. I’m not strong enough to leave you because I love you, and I’m sorry.