You Deserve Happy

Sometimes you just can't win. Keep those who you love close by.

The boy closed the front door, quietly as to not wake anyone up. The moon shone down timidly between the clouds, freckling the sidewalk. It was late in the night, around midnight, but the boy did not feel tired in the slightest. Just empty and alone. He rubbed his right cheek still sore from where his mother had smacked him just a couple hours ago. They had gotten into a fight again. The boys 6th grade teacher had called and told him mom how he was late to class earlier that week, and his mother went mental. He did not fight back though, he never did. Just nodded his head said he was sorry for being so rotten and accepted the brutality that ensued. Long ago, he learned the hard way that if he cried when he was being yelled at that it would be so much worse. So he kept on a loose grin and bit back hot tears. His bare feet crunched the rocks underneath the soft skin. He had to go see her, even if it was super late, she would understand. She always did. He walked in silence down the quiet road, no light shone from the broken fixtures along the sidewalk, no cars raced down the dirty asphalt, nothing dared break the silence of the night. Approaching the back side of a two story house, he picked up a small pebble, this is how he usually woke her up. Thank goodness she was such a light sleeper. Grabbing a couple more from the ground, he tossed them at a closed window, it was the only window on the side of the house. Tink Tink, he threw two more before the glass shuddered and the window was opened. A small girl stuck out her head from the frame, sleep still very present in her eyes, her name was Emily.  She grumbled at the boy who in turn smiled at her presence and waved his hand, motioning for her to come down. She obeyed and disappeared into the house. He heard a door creak and shut quietly and then feet running along the bricks. She came fast from around the house and barreled into him, giving him a giant hug. This was how she preferred to greet him, as if she hadn't seen him in months. It was the best feeling when he saw how excited she got just to see his face. Even if it was sad and bruised most of the time. Dark hair fell in messy curls around her face, illuminating her bright blue eyes. They were polar opposites in pretty much everything. He was a fat dark skinned kid with deep brown eyes and a thin smile, he didn't really have any friends, and spent most of his time drawing or following around Emily and her friends. She on the other hand was a slim girl with light blue eyes and a brilliant smile, she was very popular and had lots of friends around her. That made her pretty busy, but she always made time just to sit and hang out with him. That was his favorite time, they would steal ice cream bars from the convenience store up the street and eat them in the park. Her blue eyes were dull with worry, she knew why he had come to her so late in the night, it was happening more and more often. Emily reached down and took his hands into hers, the wind blew around them, but it was warm and pleasant. She looked at him deeply and asked

“Do you want to talk about it?” He stood in silence for a second then shook his head, he couldn't tell her yet, if he started to talk then tears would follow. He squeezed her hands, they were cold to the touch. She nodded her head in understanding and began to lead him away from the house, they walked together in silence down the sidewalk, beside the quiet road, lined with dark light fixtures. He stayed quiet as she began to talk, walking beside her as she held his hand and rubbed her thumb gently along his. It was a very soothing touch and he treasured every second of it. She told him a bad joke about an elephant and how her dog had jumped up excitedly when she came home today. This was how she helped him, she would just talk, and smile, and joke about the day and it would distract him until he could stomach the words to explain why he was there in the first place. Sometimes, he would get so wrapped up in her stories that he would forget to be sad, and he would smile and laugh and have a good time. They approached the pink Mountain park. It was his favorite place with her. They had a giant climbing ball, a moving circle thing, and these big round saucer swings that they would lay together on and just talk. These were the happiest memories he had. Just hanging out, laughing smiling, not having to fake his happiness. That's all he did now, every day at school, he would  wear a mask of a smile. To embody that he was happy to be around all the fuckers who did nothing to help him. But around her, he didn't have to pretend. His smiles were genuine and his laugh rang clear and true. 

The reached the park, and she went directly to the swings. She laughed and plopped down on the swinging saucer. The wind ran its fingers through her hair, tousling the curls around. He sat next to her on the same swing. They sat in silence, feeling the swing sway gently beneath them back and forth, slowly stopping. Emily jumped off the seat suddenly and stood on the ground, she pushed hard against the swings rim and sent the boy flying through the air. Warm air caressed his face as the swing swang out and in, a steady rhythm, calming his mind. He felt much better. When the swing came to a slowing stop, he sighed and said he was ready to tell her what had happened. Rubbing the spot on his cheek with a smooth finger, she listened intently about the fight, and that his mom hit him again, and how he had to come see her. Even though it was really late. She understood perfectly and gave him a little hug. Her hands gripped the back of his shirt with tight fists as if he would slip away if she held him any looser. He was enveloped by the closeness, pleasure filled his mind and drowned the events of the day. They talked for about an hour longer, but Emily was growing very tired. Her eyes drooped and words slurred as she fought the need for sleep. He decided that it had been long enough and everything was fine, so they should head back home. They walked slowly back to the house, and he received another desperate hug. They exchanged goodbyes and good nights. And he returned on the way home. Her frame never left the window until he was out of sight. 

He woke up with a start, what time was it? He was going to be late to school! Throwing all his papers into the ragged shoulder bag he used, he burst out the front door, not bothering to check the time or grab any breakfast. The sun was too high, too many people were out. He was surely late. Running down the corner, his big frame slowed him down significantly and he had to pause for breath several times. Down the street,he saw Emily waiting for him in their usual spot. They always walked to school together. She looked fidgety, but still waited patiently for him to come running up. He approached and she checked the watch on her wrist. “You're ten minutes late.” she informed him. It wasn't as late as he initially thought but it was late enough to make them walk a bit faster than usual. There was a comfortable silence that followed them along the street to school. They felt no need to fill the silence with pointless words and simply enjoyed the brisk walk towards the building they both despised. It loomed evilly as they walked through the front doors. The 5 minute bell rang warning them to get quickly to class. The teacher hated when they were late and held it against them in mean ways. So they broke into a run, zipping past kids meandering in the halls. Emily said breathlessly, “Hey I'll race you!” He found new speed in his heavy frame and held pace to her brisk jog. She could run a lot faster but then it wouldn't be as fun. Suddenly, a tall boy stuck his leg out in front of the running boy, they collided and he fell to the ground with a grunt of pain. Emily turned harshly and helped up the boy from the ground. The taller boy snickered to his ugly buddies and said, "Better keep running Fatso. "

Emily recoiled at the insult, even if it wasn't directed at her. She balled her fists and stood between the boy and her friend. Anger was visible in her blue eyes, but the boys were not shaken in the slightest. She angrily spat on the boys face and said,

”You don't talk to him that way.” Wiping the spit from his face, he back cracked his knuckles menacingly, but the intimidation did not work, she stood fast between the two. Ready for the boy to strike. “You're going to regret that sweetheart, and you Tubbs,” he pointed behind her.”You're gonna make your little girlfriend fight for you? Geez what a coward.” The ugly buddies all laughed at his jeer. The boy behind her grabbed her shoulder and dragged her from the ugly bullies, they turned the corner and she pulled away from his grasp angrily. “I could've taken them” she pouted at him. He said nothing but grabbed her hand and walked quickly to class. They reminded silent as they barely made it through the door as the final bell rang. They hurried to their seats, right next to each other at the back of the classroom. 

The day carried on as they usually do. They passed notes, giggles at jokes, got frustrated over the math section of the work. Then were released to recess.

Emily always left Him to go play with her friends, run around and play soccer or something. Strangely, most of her friends were boys, but that's just how she was. Weird. 

He sat on the steps to the playground, surveying the game between Emily and her friends. When suddenly, something blocked his view. It was the boy from earlier that morning. His buddies glared at the littler kids on the play set and they ran off, not wanting to make the boys angry. It was just Him and the brutes. The main bully was named Jason, he had seen Jason around campus but avoided him, until now. The friends surrounded Him and he stood to try and walk away from them. They closed in a circle around him, poking his fat, calling him awful names, pulling his hair, pushing him around like a ball. He was filled with anger and a blinding white hate, but he simply took deep breaths and stayed quiet. Allowing them to toss him to the ground. Jason put his boot on His chest and pushed down, The breath escaped his lungs and he started to tear at the foot. It held fast, pushing harder, causing him great pain. Jason glared down at Him as his buddies continued to jeer and poke. 

All of a sudden, his head was bent to the right, a red mark began to well on his cheek and his was looked shocked. Something had hit him in the face. He recoiled violently, holding his face, yelling at whoever had hit him. The boy turned his head and stood abruptly, ready to run from the bullies, when he saw sitting by the swing set, was Emily's soccer ball. He knew it was hers because she had taken a green marker to it and doodled all over the white parts with swirls. Turning, he saw she running over to them. She stood defiantly between the bullies and Him, putting her arms up to protect him. It was funny, he was 3 times her size and could easily see over the top of her head with how short she was, but he felt like a barrier had blocked him from the mean kids. Jason angrily approached her and puffed his chest in her little face. She looked straight up into his eyes, daring him to make a move. Unlucky for her, that's exactly what he did. He raised his arm back and smacked her hard across the face with the back of his hand. It was all his strength, but she did not falter. The blow wrenched her face to the side violently, but she did not step back or put her arms down. The boy behind her stood, unable to process what had just happened. He hit her? Did he just hit her? 

“Did you just hit Emily?” he asked in a monotone voice, his eyes digging holes into the sand beneath him.

“Yeah he sneered, You wanna be next fat a*s?” But the boy couldn't hear anything after Jason uttered the words yes. He Had hit her, He Hit Emily. That was not okay. His eyes when white and a rage enveloped his mind. His body began to move without control. He knocked Jason to the ground and punched him square in the nose. Jason began to cry, but the boy just smiled and continued to hit him. The buddies wrenched The boy off of their oh so fearless leader and kick him harshly in the sides, pain struck deep into him. A cry sounded through the air as Emily jumped onto the back of one of the bullies and was pulling his hair. The boys left him on the ground and proceeded to lay waste to her. Kicking his down, throwing sand into her face. Yelling obscenities like b***h. But the boy could not move. His body was numb and motionless. All he could do was watch her best friend get beaten for trying to protect him. Her face was contorted in pain, tears held sand onto her face, she did not make a sound though. Trying and failing, she tried to fight back and get up, but they pushed her down and kicked harder. His mind raced as he willed his body to move, it was a fruitless act. They broke away from the sobbing girl and picked up Jason who lay unconscious on the playground sand. They ran away from what they had done, most likely to tattle to a teacher that they were the two that started the fight. 

She lifted her head and unfolded her arms, with determination, she crawled painfully over to Him. She knelt next to him and held his head, urging him to get up. A smile broke her wounded face as he was lifted to sit, her voice was ragged and quiet,

“Okay fine. I couldn't take them. But are you okay?” An aid ran over to the two, anger on her face, Jason must have told her all about the bullies that beat him up. She lifted them to their feet harshly and dragged them to the principal's office. Every step was agony, all he wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep, at least for a little bit. They were reprimanded and scolded. Even though they pleaded their case, Jason being the principal's son played woe is me and they were held responsible for the attack. They were sent home early. 

They met again that night in the park. Their wounds still sore from the fight, and He had a few more from his gracious mother. They sat in silence on the swing, she didn't tell him any stories, or jokes. It was just quiet.

“I want to run away.” He said bluntly. “Away from the bullies, and my mother, and the school. My grades suck, i don't understand anything, and i cannot do anything right. I couldn't even protect you today. I am weak, just like they said. I’m sorry i couldn't help you, but i couldn't even move, i tried and tried but my body refused.” She turned and gave his a light hug, gently as to not hurt their wounds. 

“You're not weak. You're amazing, and wonderful, and smart , and everything that is perfect. Please don't run away, i cannot do this without you. I don't want to be alone.”

“But you have so many friends” he supplied

“That doesn't mean they make me happy,” she held his hand tightly, staring into his brown eyes. The moon illuminated his features, and he looked very handsome to her. She had never noticed that. 

“Come with me?” he begged, tears threatening to break his voice. She shook her head in defeat,

“We wouldn't make it. For crying out loud we’re twelve. I have no money, no skills, neither of us do. It would just give us more issues to try and go alone. Theses problems here may not follow us, but more worse problems will. I don't think  its a good idea, please get that out of your head.” she pleaded to him. Her eyes searching his face that he understood her plea. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Emily just watched him as he processed another plan for escaping the issues they had. Desperately, in a quiet voice just above a whisper, he looked up at her and said,

“There would be no problems if i just disappeared. Just went away, forever.” Tears welled in his eyes as they scanned her shocked face. He hated crying but there was no point to try and hide from her, it was all out in the open now.

Without pause, tears began to stream heavily down her face, they flowed with the sadness that filled behind her eyes, scared that everything she had was in jeopardy. The grip on his hand went numb and she just stared at him, unbelieving of what she just heard. Her voice cracked under the weight,

“I don't want to believe in what i just heard you say.”  Anger sat beside the pain and it showed through i her voice. “I won't let anyone else die, Especially not by their own hands. Please don't think about that, you cannot leave, that won't solve anything. I will be so alone without you. Please don't say anything like that. Don't even think about it. Suicide will never be the answer. Please just let me try and help. i can fix it, i can fix everything, and make everything better.”

The tears poured heavily down both their cheeks, and he wrapped her in a hard hug, ignoring the pains it caused. His body shook from the tears, Emily could barely make out the words he uttered in her ear.

“I’m sorry. I promise that will never ever happen. I won't leave, ill stay with you. You don't have to be alone, because we will always be beside each other.”

(Bit of backstory)- Emily was orphaned -lives at the orphanage- at age 5 when her father died of cancer, her mother was no grief stricken she killed herself and Emily’s brother. He was just a little baby. But she sees the act of suicide as a devilish act, because its unstoppable by those around the person. She has always been alone, besides the boy. He was the only thing that made her truly happy.

BACK TO THE THING

They say together for another half an hour, promising to stay, hugging, crying, just staying with each other. It was around 3:30 when He looked down to Emily on his lap. Died tears on her cheeks, but her eyes were closed with sleep. a smile still on her face. The swing rocked gently as he moved to wake her. They walked back to her house, and he went home. it was a long day, but he felt much better about everything. 

A couple years pass, they are still best friends, and even got into the same high school. Its sophomore year for emily, but He jumped ahead to Junior because he was smarter. They had no classes together, but they texted all the time in class, and had lunch together in the back of her pickup. Emily still had friends around her, but made certain that he was always number one priority. Something had been bothering him, something he had to tell her. He had to say that he loved her. 

Those words had always flounced in the back of his mind, but he could never put into words how she meant to him, so he thought why not go with something simple. At first he thought to tell her straight to her face, but it made him so nervous. Even though they had been through so much and she knew everything about him, it was still really hard to try and utter those words. He then decided to write a letter. But he ran out of paper trying to explain himself. It wasn't as easy as he thought it would be. After months of hyping himself up, it was today. The 5 year anniversary from the day they first met. That day, she made his life so much better, not so dark and foreboding. But brought him light. A sense of sunshine into his perspective. 

He closed the door to the apartment, his mother’s snores followed him out. She had gotten better about the beatings, maybe because he was stronger now, or that Emily was over as often as she could so that there wouldn't be any scene. Or maybe she was just tired of the neighbors calling the cops at her yelling. Whatever it was, he was grateful for it. Everything seemed to be going great. School was good, he had the bestest friend he has ever had. Only thing he would change was the bullies. He often got into fights. They still picked on him over being big. And that he had no real skills. But he never fought back against those bullies. The only ones he fought with were Emily’s. They would make fun of her for being his friend. saying she was stupid for being held back a grade. Even making fun of they way she looked even though she was absolutely beautiful to him. She would fight back against them, but could never quite win. But together, they could demolish anyone that made a joke about them. It always made him feel better that she fought for him, until she got hurt. He took it upon himself to swear that she would never be hurt under his name. 

The sun was shining brightly, there was a love hate relationship with the Arizona sun. He enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight, but by 8 it was stupid hot. It beat down on the people, draining their energy. The flowers in his hand paired cutely with the chocolates in his hands. Today was the day. He was going to confess to her, in person, to her face, that he Loved her. A shiver ran down his spine at that thought. Excitement pulsed through every foot step as he made his way to the spot they always met at. Maybe she would be his girlfriend. That would be amazing, it would be perfect. Joy never left his face as he thought happy would be thoughts. He didn't even notice that he had stepped into the road, a white van sped directly in front of his, snapping him from the day dream. The van clipped his flowers and half of them were ruined with the collision. He heard the horn sound as it sped away, angry at his interception of the path. He too was furious, he had saved  up for so long to get the biggest bouquet he could find. That meant a lot to him. He stomped angrily to the other side of the sidewalk, and grouchily continues his walk. He tucked the chocolates under his arm and began to try and fix the flowers while he walked. When he turned the corner to reach their spot, the chocolates dropped heavily onto the ground. 

Police cars lines the road, investigating the damage from what appeared to be an automobile accident. An ambulance sat with its doors away from him. The bench he would usually see her sitting on, smiling, was crushed under a black SUV. The driver sat in front of his car, a slight wound on his forehead. A shock blanket wrapped around him. The bench used to be wood, but the splinters around the tired were red.

He dropped the flowers and began to yell her name, tears threatened his eyesight. His voice cracked with frantic worry and panic. He bumped into a policeman who was rolling our police tape. The man pushed him away and said, 

“You cannot go in there son” And continues with his rolling. Behind the man, a gurney was rolled from the back of the black SUV. A familiar figure was rushed into the back of the ambulance, and hidden away by slamming doors. He knew it was her, It was Emily. She had gotten hurt. The ambulance siren sounded loudly and it began to pull away. He ran in front of the vehicle and held his arms out, halting its process. He shouted

“I need to go with her, that's my little sister.” Even though it was a blatant lie, the EMTs knew he wouldn't move, so they pulled him into the back and sped off to the hospital. A dim light shone over her frail figure, her favorite shirt, blue t shirt with a party of sock monkeys, was covered in blood. A man hurries around her body and fixed her arm with braces, and attached her to so many tubes and machines there was no telling what attached to what. He scooted across the seat to be beside her head. The smiling face he had come to treasure seeing everyday lay motionless and pale. The red drained from her face and she looked sickly. A gash on her eyebrow flowed blood onto her face, he reached a hand over to wipe it from her eyes. The touch was gentle but it was enough to stir her, slowly, her eyelids floated up. Her beautiful blue eyes were stained with red. The blood had seeped into the color, scarring the blue and turning it a muddy red brown. She looked around dazed, obviously in pain. The brace around her neck refused to let her look at him directly. Emily’s eyes burrowed into his, pain seared in them. Tears streamed down her face. She was very hurt. He took her limp hand and held it tightly. His face became wet with tears, his voice cracked as he forced out the words.

“You’re going to be okay.” They sounded weak and full of hope, yet distant and cruel. “We’re going to the hospital, and then they are going to fix you right up.” She smiled at his words. Glad to have him beside her in her time of need. He would always be there for her. The tears became red as it mixed with the blood on her face. She looked at him, a fire of survival fading in the eyes of his best friend. Her grip became weaker and her breaths shallow. this threw him into a panic. He squeezed tighter and cried harder, sobs choked his words as he promised she would be okay. That everything would be better. They could fix it. He could fix it. He had to fix it. Her face became soft and the pain faded from her. Her eyes never left his as she whispered gently to him.

“i will always be beside you, and keep your world full of sunshine.” She smiled wide and spoke louder, as if she thought he wouldn't hear her. “I‘m sure it will be fine. They can save me. It will all be fine. Don't worry so much about me.” Her words sounded unbelieving and fake. She was dying, and knew there was no chance. All she could hope for was that the last words she left with were happy ones. And that she would die smiling. “Don’t be afraid. You are strong. Don’t cry over me. I’ll be fine. Hey.. Hey listen..” Her voice grew quieter once more, her eyes were falling closed. “Promise you won’t give up. Promise you’ll live happy. And be the best you can be. Because you are amazing, and wonderful, and absolutely f*****g awesome. Try to be happy, because.. You deserve happy. The happy ending you deserve. Promise me.” 

Tears choked him, but he uttered the words proudly. 

“I Promise you.” He laid his forehead on her shoulder and whispered in her ear. 

“I love you. I have always loved you. You are everything to me. And will continue to be. Just get better and i will be happy. You can give me that happy ending. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. My sunshine cannot set yet. Don't give me a sunset. I love you. Please don't. Just don't.” 

He grew quiet from the pleas as his throat closed with sobs. His whole body shook violently, and his hand felt a soft squeeze against his. She closed her eyes for the last time and said without pause. “I will always love you.” As her words left her lips, her chest grew still. The world around him went silent, he was numb. The EMTs around him hustled to resuscitate her, but it was too late. Even though her hand still gripped his, she was gone. There was no getting her back. The sun had set and he was plunged into darkness. 

Days passed and nothing had changed. He hadn't had a dream in a week, nor a smile. There was nothing for him in the world he was forced to endure. School went on as normal, bullies still pestered him. His mother still came at his in a drunken fury. It was hell. Since Emily didn't have a family, there was no funeral. That didn't stop him from grieving everyday. He would still call her voicemail to hear her voice say, her sorry ill be back to you in a second. That tore him apart because he knew she wasn't coming back. The days were the same as nights, a monotonous blur of useless actions. Something edged itself into the back of his mind. A dark thought. An idea that he promised to never think about. But what good is a promise if the other end was broken. 

2 weeks after the accident, he laid down in bed, but did nothing but stare at the blank ceiling. The idea begged at the back of his mind, and before he knew it. He was standing in his mothers room, walking to her dresser and pulling out her gun. It laid heavily in his hand. This was what he had to do. There was no point to anything anymore. The last bits of sunlight shone through the window. It was 6 o clock. He decided to go for a walk. instead of turning right, he turned left. Down the broken street that he walked with her so long ago. The orphanage loomed in front of him. The light in her room was off. But he threw a stone at it anyways. It lifelessly tinkled against the window pane and fell to the earth. He sighed and continued to walk. The gun swung in his hand. Through his walk, he remembered all the good times he had. All the memories that the street invited into his mind. They used to skip between the broken brickwork of the ground. Making a game of not touching the dirt patches, or they would be burned by lava and loose. He did not avoid them now, because he had nothing left to lose. The park sat alone and empty. Not even the breeze dared to disrupt his journey. He sat heavily on the saucer swings. Images of them as children flew about the park. He remembered so vividly, that time they ran from the dog, the time she hit her head and started to cry, the time when they raced on who could go higher on the swing set. Emily had always loved games and competitions. The sun ducked behind the aspen trees. Spreading a grey shadow onto the ground in front of him. He said to only himself,

“Why does the sun always have to set?” There was no more sunshine in his life, and that was unbearable. What good was a promise if the other person couldn't keep theirs either. Anger filled him. He began to shout. 

“You promised! Why did you promise! I here now. alone. without you or anyone. You promised to never leave me. why did this happen why did this happen to you. There was so much you wanted to do. So much you could've made of yourself. don't you want to travel the world! its here waiting for you. just like i am. but we are both alone.” tears turned his anger to sorrow. His voice became choked as he stared into the sky, whimpering. “What about your dream. You were going to have that restaurant.” He smiled harshly and held his face in his hands.”I never told you this,” he said, “because i was embarrassed. But whenever you asked me what my dream life goal was, i lied. I don't want to be whatever i said. I wanted to tell you that i wanted to travel with you. Go on adventures with you. Make you smile everyday as i woke up next to you. Or have you come to me with breakfast in bed. Make in our restaurant. All i wanted was a happy ending with you. But now i cannot. None of our dreams will come true. Nothing can be done. I don't want to go through this world alone. i know i promised to be strong, but i'm not. I couldn't save you. I couldn't do anything. Now everything is gone. If I only,... If . Why. Oh god why.” His tears stopped him from speaking, the gun rested against his leg. A comforting feeling. He picked it up and looked into the soulless eye of the barrel. He closed his eyes and said, “I'm sorry. But i cannot do this. Maybe ill get to be with you. Anywhere but here. But here is where i cannot be.” The hammer clicked back as he closed his eyes. Putting it to his forehead, he thought of the day of the accident. When he had laid his head on her shoulder. He whispered to the gun, her image in his mind. “I miss my sunshine, i'm drowning in darkness. If i cannot have the happy ending i so deserve. Then why cannot i leave the hell i'm in now. Please don't be angry at me. I'm just not strong enough. I'm drowning. Please Emily. I love you.” 

His words followed the gunshot and his body fell back. The wood chips on the ground turned red and the swing swang slowly. Just how it had when they were together, laughing, smiling. Living carelessly. The sun set, enveloping the world in darkness. 

Author's Note

Sorry fro any mistakes, I cant quite catch them all. Please enjoy.