OH, QUEEN

dancing on your toes, the wind between her knees, crawling up the caps, silently eyes blazing in the night air, leaning closer, will you open your gates oh queen, when your bridge has been lowered, will you let me in?

 

like feathers flying off into the clouds, i will spread my wings, and fly

 

over these walls, to the other side, through the gate, to the other side,

 

the garden is only for those that be ready for such ease, why, if one was to fling the gates of hell open these roses would have too small of leavs to run off to the hills, to excape so many grasping hands, for the words of love are the locks, and this truth if be saught into more be found the key to the kingdom,

 

you have seen this, yes,

 

when eyes of the greenest sea cast their gaze down to such a pesant as me, such a lowly person as i

 

how could i prove anything if this world makes me stumble and cry out to every stubbed toe, how could i right myself of all the wrongs, when this grave i lay in is too full of the flys of lies,

 

oh queen have pitty unto me. 

Reviews

[ShaneBerry]

a classic ode, very original for writers cafe lol. and finally someone makes a color connection of the sea and green eyes :D there was nothing cliché about this, a very well thought out piece. only grammatical problem i could find was that you did not capitalize you I, besides that this was Grade A material here, looking forward to reading more by you!

[x]

This is straight out of a fairy tale. You will be Orlando Bloom in your suit of armour, back from the crusades and dreaming of your maiden and she is there, waiting for you atop the wall. Such a speech, such affection. The imploring. And now you drop to your knees (squeeking) but she gave you her heart long before you knew it and is amused by your not knowing how much she loves you...so she teases, knowing you (your heart) is safe within her love and the tease is designed to make you fall, so that she may catch you...ahhh, nice.

[Tori]

It sort of reminded me of Alice in Wonderland. It had a very mystical dreamy feel to it. I enjoyed the imagery and description very much. You're a very excellent writer, and I will definitely read more. Very good.