I COULDNT SAVE MYSELF

i was on the road, chest burning, my hand is stained with blood, wheres the sky, i look up, no clouds flying past on this day, as i lay there for a while, chokeing on the blood in my mouth, is this it, i reach over to you next to me, and youre gone, but how, everything is so blury, my ears pick up no sound, as if fingers were shoved in, what do i do now, i look down to my feet, our eyes meet once more, what happened, darkness.

 

you always looked for me to protection, we were having a good time, smiles, laughter, as we sung along to the music on the radio, i didnt see him comming, im sorry, i didnt see, i couldnt move fast enough for you, please believe me, im sorry,

that i died.

Reviews

[Alicia Schroeder]

Greatly written peice.

[MiidniightSoul]

Such a beautiful and emotional piece. Dark and very well written. A vivid imagery and a great flow. A few grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. Brilliant, keep it up.

[luciddreamer]

I have read this many times, and honestly have tried not to comment on it, for myself it invokes that type of emotion that I prefer to run from....but I can no longer run and I am just going to say thank you...your writing has brought a validality to my life that was needed...and that, to me, is poetry

[Karen666]

very dark i like

[Deanna]

this is more of a short story.. if you're going for the free verse poem type, you still need a flow, and rhythm.

[Cats Eye]

Great write, flowed well. Why such a grusome topic though?

[OT]

interesting take on a poem, though I'd call it a short story! and content wise, you've dealt with quite a dark issue well, not too graphic, but enough to make an impact.

[+Naomi+]

Car crash. Even though it is not stated, I can picture it clearly. A few grammar mistakes but nothing that bad. I like how at first you describe the incident and how you feel at that moment in time. Then, when you described what happened before the incident, all smiles and happiness, you really impressed me with the sadness of this piece. You did a great job, bro. :] Keep up the good work.