Vodka and Pink Lemonade

I am them and they are me.

The drugs have never called me quite like tonight. The alcohol has never sounded so soothing to my swollen, aching vocal chords. The women never quite as alluring. The darkness has never called me quite like tonight. Tonight I want to shower myself in everything I know will destroy me. I’m a masochist staring into a torture chamber, broken glass littering the floor, whips and chains begging to bite me. The urge to step forward, feel the cuts on my bare skin from the glass on the floor, to feel the whips tear my body apart, unzipping me one lash at a time.

I’m alone, and in the worst way possible. I’m a walking cliché, stranded in a room full of people. It’s not the sense of loneliness that gets me this way, it’s the sense that I’m pathetic enough to have fallen into this trap. “You never know what you have ‘til it’s gone.” Why does that saying keep coming back to me? I can’t get it out of my head, and I know it’s because I can remember every time that those words have been spoken to me. Even worse- I can’t stop reliving every single occasion in which I gave those very words to friends who probably didn’t need to hear them. I thought that was the right thing to say, sure. Every single time, same situation, I have the profound words that will make them see their wrong and change their ways. The stupidity in hindsight triggers a gag reflex. I am them. I am every single, pathetic, blinded by ignorance, piece of s**t human being who ever lost it before they even know what they had.

Except I am different. I still have what they’ve lost, and unlike them, I know what I have. I see what I have done, I see what I need to do, and I see what is holding me back. Can I break these shackles before my inevitable demise? I am a simple human being with a simple drive toward simple failure. Don’t call me complex or artistic or…

We are all just wandering through life, until we inevitably walk into someone or something that accidentally kills or maims us. Along the way some of us bump into one another, and it’s convenient to link arms and hope that now whatever we come into contact with kills the both of us simultaneously.

Author's Note

Am I wrong?

Reviews

[WhyYesIamaMoonchild]

This is a really complex and beautiful piece. I especially love the beginning where you talk about the allure of things that are especially alluring at that moment.

And side note: Even though my profile says I'd prefer not to critique poetry it doesn't mean I won't. I will if you ask me! :) I'm usually not up for it because poetry to me is so hard to critique compared to a story or novel.

But anyways, great job. I really look forward to reading more of your writing and hope you'll enjoy some of my writing! Have a fan-freaking-tastic day and happy writing! M'kay, m'bye!

[Brian Jeckler]

Thank you tremendously for your feedback- I certainly did enjoy the few pieces of yours I have read so far.

[Dogbomb3]

Very nice opening!
I was enjoying the darkness so much I was almost disappointed with the philosphical last para.

[Nicole Schuster]

Beautiful and real. You bring in so many real emotions, so many crossroads that we all face, in a really great way. I write similar pieces, but you shined a new light on familiar topics. Very well done - I really enjoyed reading.

[Alex James Strickland]

This is a lovely, complex piece of writing. The imagery throughout the piece is excellent and I only wish I could write like this - I write about similar things. Thank you for sharing this with us. Please carry on.

[Brian Jeckler]

If only the process wasn't quite so painful, I would bid you good luck. But alas, I know the emotional drawbacks to such a style of writing, and in your best interest I can only advise that you not try and mimic my method. For the sake of your sanity. But I thank you deeply for your compliments, and I hope that you can find more self confidence in your own work. Confidence is truly key, sir.

[Alex James Strickland]

Thank you for the advice. You are a talented writer though.

[Lalochezia]

Impressive imagery in the beginning: shower myself, unzipping me... that last one is so cruelly beautiful. You have a gift with mood and emotions.

Then your tone changes abruptly - did you mean to do that? The first part sounds self-confident, reckless and daring and then the narrator beats and condemns themselves in a way I did not expect.

That last paragraph: Although the phrasing is admirable, I'm not sure I understand: Do you mean to say that sometimes it helps if we can drag others down with us?

[Brian Jeckler]

The tone change is definitely not an accident. The tone reflects the narrators emotion as he reflects on his own thoughts. The narrator's mood shifts from more confident, reckless and self deprecating to pathetic and weak, like a wounded animal.


as far as the end, I don't want to give any exact interpretation, but I will say it is not to say that it helps to drag others down with us, just that if we do end together, it is less painful than one of us going down, and leaving us alone.