Waiting for the bus

The sun is out and the weather is warm, the sky is clear and everyone is walking by with big smiles. Edward is waiting for his seven o' clock bus about half a mile from his house and while he waits he thinks about how life is good. He has a beautiful wife that he will be seeing soon and an expectant new comer who is going to make their little family complete. There's a puddle on the ground where he can see his reflection and a small rainbow just above his head. He smiles big and continues to look down at the rainbow as it over flows his body with warmth. He looks up and to his left staring down the empty road waiting on the bus, but it doesn't come. It's about two minute's late and his legs start to slowly get tired but he's so excited he forces himself to stand. He feel's something small and wet fall onto his cheek and his first instinct is to look up at the sky. When he does, he sees the sky is no longer clear, the bright blue color it had is now a light grey and the clouds have covered the sun. The birds stop chirping and fly out of the trees as fast as they can. There's a small wind in the air, strong enough to make his eyes close but light enough to keep him standing in place. A loud crack and boom sound comes from above and the rain starts to come down a bit faster. He reaches for his phone to call his wife and let her know he might be a little late but before he could call her his phone starts to vibrate and he answers. He can hardly hear anything from the other line but makes out most of it. It's the doctor and he's speaking fast, Edward try's to stop him so he can understand what he's trying to say but the sound of thunder only cancels the voice on the other end creating a static sound. The wind picks up and blows in his direction distracting him from trying to hear the doctor. He faces the opposite direction of the wind so that it's not blowing on his face. He asks the doctor to speak louder and he does, saying something about his wife and he tries his hardest to listen more carefully. The doctor talks about his baby and in the background he can hear screaming and someone mention not breathing. His heart starts to race and his body gets sweaty all over. He tries to ask what was going on and right when the doctor responds the thunder decides to yell in his ear and he completely miss what he said. He asks again what was happening, he asks about his wife and as the doctor tries to respond the phone starts to static more and he only hears parts of what the doctor says. He can hear his wife is fine, and then static, the baby was born, then more static. The doctor speaks softly in his ear and says "sorry but the baby-". The line went dead, Edward's heart races fast to the point he can feel it hitting his chest from the inside. The rain comes down heavier and after a while his heart shrinks and melts. He turns his body in the direction of his house and starts walking home, but before he makes and distance from the bus stop the bus pulls up to him and the doors open waiting for him to get on. In the end he does what he planned at first and gets on the bus to go see how his wife is doing at the hospital.

Reviews

[Ankit]

As the first reviewer said your plot contains many things confusion, happiness, excitement and many more things....
You tried to create suspense about Edward's baby and wife that is what the best in your story.......

[Wolfwind Words]

A powerful descriptive flow of writing. It's filled with a very well put together progression of events. Each event is small by itself, but adds to the blossoming tension of the story line. The plot brings many emotions, pain, confusion, frustration and many others, all adding to make the overal piece be one that sits long in the memory of the moment that it is read. Makes one hopes for the best, but fear the worst.

Great Ink
Aaron