H.E.R.

A Poem by William M

A poem about someone I love. It can't get much more cliche than that.

How could I continue to fight…?

…the passion that you ignite?

Why did I wait for so long?

Our relationship could have been further along.

I don’t want to lose you as soon as I’ve found you.

If I’m pulled away from you it won’t be pretty.

I can’t leave this town with you around.

Lost and stranded without you in the big city.

I went from being suicidal to believing that I could handle any trial.

Maybe after all this life is worthwhile.

Because of you there’s reason to smile.

For you I’d gladly go the extra mile.

I promise I won’t go, I won’t leave.

Your pain I will always be here to relieve.

Without you a future for me wouldn’t exist.

I wouldn’t have bothered taking a risk.

Did I finally find something to live for?

That to this life there might be more?

More than the everlasting turmoil.

And the anger that ever boils beneath the surface.

Heather, whether you know it or not you make me feel better.

I just hope that that feeling can last forever.

I only regret that fear kept me paralyzed.

It kept me from realizing I need to hold you near.

© 2022 William M

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JayG

There’s a lot to writing poetry that’s not obvious, but is necessary. For example, if you’re going to rhyme then you need consistency in several areas

In general, the first stanza sets the structure. And in this you begin the first stanza with a line-to line rhyme structure of AABB. But Stanza 2 = ABCB. S3 = AAAA. S4 = AABC. S4 = AABC.

The number of beats, or feet, in the lines of S1, in most cases, should continue in each stanza. So S1’s structure is:
How COULD i conTINUE to FIGHT…? * Iambic, 4 feet, masculine (stressed syllable) ending.
…the PASSion THAT you igNITE? * Imabic, 3 feet, masculine ending.
Why DID i WAIT for so LONG? * Iambic, 3 feet, masculine ending. (I suggest dropping “for” to give smoother flow. The two unstressed words in a row can make the tongue stumble.
Our reLATIONship COULD have been FURther alONG. * Iambic, 4 feet, masculine ending.

The reader expects that stanza’s structure to continue. But S2…

i DON’T want to LOSE you as SOON as I’ve FOUND you. * Imbic, 4 feet, feminine ending.
IF I’m PULLED aWAY from YOU it WON’T be PRITty. * Trochaic, 6 feet Feminine ending.
I CAN’T leave-this TOWN with YOU arROUND. *Iambic 4 feet, masculine ending.
LOST and STRANDed withOUT you IN the BIG CITy. Trochaic, 6 feet (or 5 if you combine the last two words to a single foot), Masculine ending.
- - - - - - - -
The problem is, in our school years none of what I pointed out above was mentioned or taught, because there, we were learning the writing skills employers need from us, which is the ability to write reports and essays—nonfiction, in other words. And nonfiction is fact-based and dispassionate.

But our goal is to move the reader, emotionally. So instead of telling the reader we cried at a funeral, or for a broken relationship, we give the reader reason to weep. And that takes a very different approach—one not mentioned as existing in school.

Not the kind of news you hoped to hear, I know. But will we even address the problem we don’t see as being one? And to help with doing that, some suggestions:

Take a peek at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. What he has to say about the flow of words in language may amaze you.

Then, download Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook from the address below. Lots of people swear by it.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

And you might drop into the Shmoop site. Select Student, then, use the midpage button to select Poetry. They have lots of great poems, analyzed to show why and how they worked.

So jump in. Learning about something you want to do is far from a chore. And with the tricks at your disposal, writing poetry becomes more fun.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Posted 2 Years Ago

There’s a lot to writing poetry that’s not obvious, but is necessary. For example, if you’re going to rhyme then you need consistency in several areas

In general, the first stanza sets the structure. And in this you begin the first stanza with a line-to line rhyme structure of AABB. But Stanza 2 = ABCB. S3 = AAAA. S4 = AABC. S4 = AABC.

The number of beats, or feet, in the lines of S1, in most cases, should continue in each stanza. So S1’s structure is:
 How COULD i conTINUE to FIGHT…?   * Iambic, 4 feet, masculine (stressed syllable) ending. 
…the PASSion THAT you igNITE?       * Imabic, 3 feet, masculine ending.
Why DID i WAIT for so LONG?          * Iambic, 3 feet, masculine ending. (I suggest dropping “for” to give smoother flow. The two unstressed words in a row can make the tongue stumble.
Our reLATIONship COULD have been FURther alONG.   * Iambic, 4 feet, masculine ending.

The reader expects that stanza’s structure to continue. But S2…

i DON’T want to LOSE you as SOON as I’ve FOUND you.  * Imbic, 4 feet, feminine ending.
IF I’m PULLED aWAY from YOU it WON’T be PRITty.   * Trochaic, 6 feet Feminine ending. 
I CAN’T leave-this TOWN with YOU arROUND.   *Iambic 4 feet, masculine ending.
LOST and STRANDed withOUT you IN the BIG CITy. Trochaic, 6 feet (or 5 if you combine the last two words to a single foot), Masculine ending.
- - - - - - - -
The problem is, in our school years none of what I pointed out above was mentioned or taught, because there, we were learning the writing skills employers need from us, which is the ability to write reports and essays—nonfiction, in other words. And nonfiction is fact-based and dispassionate.

But our goal is to move the reader, emotionally. So instead of telling the reader we cried at a funeral, or for a broken relationship, we give the reader reason to weep. And that takes a very different approach—one not mentioned as existing in school.

Not the kind of news you hoped to hear, I know. But will we even address the problem we don’t see as being one? And to help with doing that, some suggestions:

Take a peek at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. What he has to say about the flow of words in language may amaze you.

Then, download Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook from the address below. Lots of people swear by it.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

And you might drop into the Shmoop site. Select Student, then, use the midpage button to select Poetry. They have lots of great poems, analyzed to show why and how they worked.

So jump in. Learning about something you want to do is far from a chore. And with the tricks at your disposal, writing poetry becomes more fun.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Rating /100

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback. I will look into what you suggested.

I hope I posted thi.. read more

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