Light in the Dark

We’re all cynical souls now.

The current paradigm of society, the incumbent template from which we’re all cast is so very tired, so very near collapse, that we can’t even be bothered to panic. 

We aren’t often moved. We aren’t often given to moments that make us stop, take stock, count the blessings of life and appraise all of their meanings. Meaning itself in such achingly short supply these days, that to coin a phrase; one doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  It’s a mess.

But there is still magnificence.  Despite all of this, despite the gradual diminishing demise of the bigger picture, or at least the latest bigger picture, by the grace god; there is magnificence.  It’s quiet, it’s modest, in a comparable sense; perhaps it’s even small.  It is there however, and there will be moments if you’re lucky in which you can stop and see it.

 

I believe that it’s important to record our experiences in some manner.  In a sense, we’re always doing that I suppose. What with our hi-tech communication devices and social media, to say nothing of the fact that we are all walking talking repositories of knowledge, emotion and memory.

 However, as with our very life spans themselves, memory is finite, in some ways imprecise, and at times perhaps distorted.  The purity of the written word while by no means without its own inherent drawbacks holds something meaningful and special for me.

And so I write.

The cynicism and bleak atmosphere of the modern world and its related modern life at times overwhelms me.  It beats me up, it batters me, it hurts me and once the sting has passed, I feel nothing but numb; a void laden feeling of utter envelopment.  I can often be left as a result feeling dissociation with the pain of others, with the problems of the world, and with the suffering of so many.

Some might say that on paper as it were, this seems like a good thing does it not? Better the numbness than to be overwhelmed. Better the dissociation than to squirm in the cold light of complete awareness of people’s plight?  What say I to that? I say no, purely and simply no. Comfortable emptiness may be preferable to some, but comfortable or not, emptiness is emptiness, void is void, there can be no value in nothing.  Equally it must therefore follow that there can be no value to feeling nothing, recognizing nothing, weeping for nothing.

 

I work in healthcare recruitment for a living, I interview prospective carers.  That means that every day of my life, I meet multiple people. Every year of my life I must interview hundreds of them.  As with life, as with the world, there are patterns.   I’ve met the same person, in the same mould, the same attitude, and so many times, that it can get boring.  You’re left thinking that people just come in types. Like shoes, or trainers, or shower curtains. Point is it starts to seem that as with the above, you have a lot of different brands, a lot of features and headlines.  But ultimately you can divide them up into groups, each has his or her place with their fellows, they will say what you expect, act how you expect and think how you predict and that is just the way of the world….

This is a bleak, barren, banal philosophy but in many ways it is perfectly true and it gets to you. Just like the world and this is the parallel I’m getting to; the predictability of the breeds of people, as with the relentless deterioration of civilisation and society can leave you numb, cynical and unfeeling.   Points stop hitting home, feelings cease to register and empathy becomes ill and weary until it nearly dies within you.  Then you get days like today, days that humble you.

 

Today I chaired an interview.   I carried out several in fact, recruitment by the numbers, business as usual. But then one of them wasn’t….  Today I interviewed a young person who was born prematurely and as a result has partial cerebral palsy. She also experiences shortness of breath because her windpipe is too thin. As a babe in arms, she obviously had a lot of health issues, and so needed round the clock support from healthcare professionals. She received this support, and through the dedication, hard work and support of others, she lived.  She’s still living, and she was here today to tell me all about it.

It was as a result of all this, that this young woman decided that she wanted to care for other people. So thankful was she for the life-saving support she’d had, so utterly grateful and (key word) inspired was she that she wanted to do the same thing with her life as those who had saved and sustained hers.  I think that is so utterly beautiful, poetic even.  Setting to work right away, as a youngster this person wasted no time. Work experience in care settings was quickly acquired.  Scores of training courses in anything and everything, from food safety to manual handling and medication awareness were attended. Even Management of Actual or Potential Aggression (MAPA) " which is no easy feat believe me, especially for such a young person, was to her credit.

As this humble young example showed me her frankly mind blowing list of achievements, she saw fit to apologize for her low GCSE grades.  I assured her that she had nothing to be ashamed of. Her attainments within the field so far were quire spectacular.

Professional experience while no doubt valuable was not to be the only source of knowledge and development to this fledgling young professional.  As it always does, life had trials of its own in store.  Her grandfather grew will.  That dreaded disease and reaper of millions; cancer took hold of him.  How it hurts me even to write that damned word….   In time, the cancer spread to her grandfather’s brain, encumbering him in ways that are considered a threat to one’s welfare.  It was deemed by those in the know that he was not safe to live at home without 24 hour round the clock support.

Was this unfortunate man to live out the remainder of his finite days in an unfamiliar setting, his life to be overseen by people who (at least initially speaking) did not even know him?  Not if our inspirational young subject had anything to do with it. No she did something I truly remarkable; she made a difference while also taking something so sad, so negative and turning it into a positive opportunity.  She needed experience while her grandfather clearly needed looking after.

 She moved in with him.

She lived with that man day in day out, night after night, from the early days of him gruffly and belligerently refusing his meds, right the way through to the later and declining days of palliative care, as he ultimately was overwhelmed and passed on.  She saw him through that, she made it alright for him and within the process gained valuable experience and credit to her chosen career.  That ladies and gentleman moved me.  I’m a jaded and often cynical man, and it moved me in such a way for so many reasons.  I find it frankly humbling.  If this wasn’t enough, the young persons Mother has since received a diagnosis of terminal cancer, a heavy burden not least for the diagnosed, but also for our subject.  Not a bit of it on her face at this meeting; bright, smiling, warm and full of gratitude and joy, not a hint of bitterness or resentment, only absolute serenity with all that the world holds.  Tough not to be envious of that…

 

What a world, what a life, what a lesson.  In so many ways it’s all just bull and white noise isn’t it? So much is without focus that you can almost become lost in the senseless waste of it all.  But then something like this, it wakes you up, it makes you come alive and think; my god, that person had so many reasons to give up, to make excuses and surrender and yet look at them.

 

Life is a gift; don’t waste it.

You have the power to do it all, so do it now.

Do it today.

 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, please feel free to leave any reviews.