What We Should Never Know

The second draft of 'A Loss For Words', re-titled.

Alone

in this cell

with every

one else

unsuspecting,

unsuspecting

the stolen treasure.

It’s all they know.

Why do we

have to speak?

Sitting together

waiting for the bus.

Certain you're

unaware

of the picture

we created at

bus stop 15

in a red jumper

unwitting

emitting

indecipherable

codes

They would

see each other

sitting together

for one

last time

Waiting in dread

for the bus

to take you away

He asked her

to close

his eyes

Horses still

run wild,

(somewhere)

We’re miles away

from each other

Your eyes

against gray

clouded

mountain

summits

sealed,

hidden

(sacred)

so top

secret antics

could take

place there

separated

from the view

of we

lesser

mortals.

Dreaming?

That's

just

the brain's

way

of not

dying

when

one

sleeps.

Strikes upon

each other’s

homelands.

“We have sugar, so keep back!”

He dreams

your hair

reaches

all the way

to your waist.

It has been

so long

since that

last week.

They didn’t know.

Finally,

the answer

came back:

“No, I can't even say it.”

We found out

what we should

never know.

Reviews

[Muse]

A train wreck on water. As I read this...the synopsis in my mind' shakes from the uncertainty of your words. Is it so trivial to consider this is how the mind actually works? I've only had a seizure once, but it reminds me of this. Flash backs and tidbits of this and that. While none of it really made any sense, it some how made perfect sense.

[Brett Hernan]

'A train wreck on water.'
Succinctly describes the entire emotional scenario.
At times, like one of those United Artist' Love story' genre inspired 1970's foreign language subtitled tragic romance film in which it rains all the time.
Sometimes though, moments where a sublime, and cosy familiarity hinted at a palpable affection of one for the company of the another and was at certain moments of stillness shared.
This put hold to the diving from each incomprehensible scenario to the next, as you correctly noted in your 'fitting' comparison. Such was the background static in my altogether overtly chemically altered consciousness.
The notion within this poem reminds me of a particular afternoon of this when a clarity of absence was shared, in silence. That which was sought and rarely glimpsed, as a memory of a long since forgotten hope.
Much like emerging from a seizure, memories sought with an ignorance to the understanding that they would never again be sighted.
Really, exactly like tiny, twisting, patches of mist as they momentarily disperse for the last few times, above the open lips of a dying man.

[Muse]

Exactly right...

[Brett Hernan]

Thanks! That was the third version of about a page of comments which contained all kinds of insights into your critique which, by the time they'd all inevitably accidentally been erased, became a piece of 'creative writing' through the sheer force of its imperative within me to need always to rise to the fore of my consciousness!
I couldn't imagine doing nothing but critiquing work, (tho it'd beat my current earner, cleaner, not the, 'Harvey Keitel' type, but what is frequently known in the US as a (part-time) janitor!

[mattavelli]

Hello, Brett! :)
I read it twice, but couldn't catch the message.

[Brett Hernan]

Hi,
Really?
Perhaps, (honestly and with every respect), that in itself was the message.

[Brett Hernan]

Thanks!
Sometimes, everything one wishes to say is so well understood in the reader that nothing it tries to say makes any relevant point to them. However i prefer to favour my former comment.

[mattavelli]

So I did get the message? Haha
I'm not good at interpreting.

[Muse]

That's what makes poetry so much fine. It's word art, one must be open to interpretation.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for the advice, matches! :)

[Brett Hernan]

Everyone's right.

[E.Jay]

"Dreaming?
That's
just
the brain's
way
of not
dying
when
one
sleeps."
I really loved that line. I love how this tells a story, and I love the way it is written. There is imagery, and that is the best kind of stuff to read. Nice write, I very much enjoyed it.

[Brett Hernan]

Hi E.jay! I very appreciate your comments, which are wholly encouraging to me as it is the creation of mental visual images which I seek to achieve when writing. I am a visual artist also (and that pays just as well!) I try to create meanings and emotions when I create visual images, so it's a vice versa type of thing! I hope that all of these images evoke a certain emotion or sentiment in the reader although what that emotion is is not something I seek to control the dessemination of, only to evoke, and in so doing the reader can connect to what they feel is their moist poignant personal interpretation. Actually, as far as I can remember, I hadn't really thought about that before in literal terms, so thanks for saying.