She Writes My Poem

She writes my poem,
She is my pen that dances across this page as I compose these words of infatuation over her.
As love lingers inside me I sit and contemplate what draws me to her.
Time and time again I am reminded of the disguises others have put on,
deceiving me into falling in deep sorrowful pits of love with them.
Yet I see through her like glass,
And as I look inside of her, I see gardens of succulent lips for when I thirst for her kiss,
I see rivers that flow passion, affection, devotion,
for me.
And as I gaze into those angelic eyes,
I know this sensation is a glimpse of stunning perfection.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like this...a woman can so easily be the muse that moves our pen...

i like the idea that "she writes my poem"

i am only the instrument..the words come through me onto the page...but i am not responsible...the woman or the muse or both...they are really writing the words.

look forward to more from you.

jacob

[J. J. Nightingale]

A good start ..
Many errors .. but I understand your thoughts ..

She is my pen.. and dances across this page.. composing these words of infatuation..
As love lingers.. I sit and contemplate what draws me to her. .

Good lines ... Take Care ... Jasmine

[Brett]

What are some of the errors? What would you suggest to improve my writing ?
Thanks

[J. J. Nightingale]

I changed Your lines a little bit .. hope that helped ...
I see gardens of puckered lips for when I starve for her kiss, ..What ?
Maybe .. I see gardens of succulent lips, and I thirst for her kiss...
Read and re-read till your eyeballs are in pain .. then re-read again ..
As I wrote.. Good start !!

[J. J. Nightingale]

Remember I before E except after C ......... deceiving

[Brett]

Ha. I guess it just made sense in my head. You worded it much better! Thanks. I need to learn to be able to figure out the best wording the way you do.

[J. J. Nightingale]

I have been writing for only 4 yrs. .. And I am old, read many poems .. it's how we learn .. sometimes .. .. I am still learning every day .. :) You r welcome .

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Awesome poetry lines. I like the idea and the way it developes.

Good grammar…

Great job, please, keep up the good work and keep on writing.

Good luck and God bless!

[Don Shaw]

Very deep feeling in this. You have passion which is a key ingredient for any writer.Great job.

[jdcdickenson]

Definitely a clever concept andnd extremely well written. Look forward to more.

[jdcdickenson]

Check out www.destructivebrilliance.com it's my site there's more samples up there you might dig it!

[Knightingale]

Love and affection expressed beautifully :)

[Knightingale]

My pleasure entirely :)