That's Not Me

Occupation

Sometimes I wonder why people just wouldn’t leave me alone,

Play like I’m not there or like I disappeared. But it seems dreams

Don’t ever come true if you’re me. I’ve bee wishing for months now

To get away from this place, this four minuscule yellow walls that

Hold me hostage by a s****y pay and this name tag with my pride

On it that I wear every day, even on my off days.

 

It’s so unlike Brenden Lamm to quit because of something so innocent

But innocent it is to the eyes and tongue of the beholder. Someday,

Morbid is the only word I can use to describe how I feel here, and that’s

Not me, I’m joyful, happy, and enthusiastic. I don’t let things get to me

But these walls, these four walls just know how to peel under my skin.

Skin that for years I’ve worked to keep as rugged as the skin of an alligator.

 

But who says that what we practice will pay off? Some idiot who thought

They had life figure out when they had no clue of the dreadful dead hopes

That they fed to people that fell to believe that Tom-foolery. What I feel

Cannot be diagnosed or thought about, this is something real, something

Close to hate. That’s not me and I refuse to make it me. Don’t want to quit,

But also don’t want to become something I would never recognize in a mirror.

 

 

These names that I hear every other second of the day began to make me sick

Sometime back when they felt as if they could speak to me anyway they felt,

Almost like a raffle to see what could hurt Brenden today, not knowing Brenden

Had the patience of the world behind them, too bad the world has to die someday

Which would ultimately carry my patience with it. Friends that tell me “Oh we’ve

Got you” are the same friends that listen and eat up the little untruths they hear

About you. But, yet again That’s not me. So I think its best that before I blow up,

Make a scene, or get really explanatory about how I feel, I’ll leave, but not because

I’m a quitter but because it’s to walk away rather than hurt some people that I care

About, they would only get caught up in the cross fire of this un-weilding wrath built

Up inside me. That’s Not Me.

"That's Not Me"

-BAL