California Sunrise

It was in a moment of fear

Not knowing which voice to hear

They all spoke and I listened

Til one idea began to glisten

I was tired and lonely that night

With no solution in viewable sight

So I calmly grabbed the car keys to go

Walking 'neath the street lamps glow

Put the keys in the car ignition

Then started up the transmission

Upon hearing the gentle motor hum

I opened the glove box to grab my gun

Pressed the button for the skylight top

Then drove for miles without a stop

I kept on and on all night long

Thinking all about what was wrong

I grabbed my gun to c**k it

But placed it back inside my pocket

I wanted to wait a few more hours

Until the sun in all of its power

Shined forth throughout the valley

The beautiful mountains of Cali

And as I drove up to my destination

I could just see the sun peak out

And I finally saw what this was about

I turned off the car and stepped out

Fingering the gun with my right hand

As I looked across the entire land

I pulled the gun out of my pocket

Brought it to my head and cocked it

Took one last look at the sunrise

And it looked to be a good day to die

And this is how I say...goodbye

 

Author's Note

This was a therapeutic poem that I wrote about suicide many years ago. If nothing else, let this serve as an example of a healthy channel for an overdose of emotions.

Reviews

[ivizarx]

Great work bro, I personally would give some critiquing if it were needed, but as I can tell it's pretty good as it is. Quality work mate

[C.N.Moore]

Deep dark and powerful - a great start to a not so easy style of poetry !!

My only suggestion - and this is an in general suggestion not a pertaining to the piece suggestion - when putting together a rhythmic poem that rhymes - I often speak the words aloud - not only playing with the rhyme scheme but the "melody" of the piece. Syllable count is often something that can make a good rhyming poem a GREAT rhyming poem - but this is just the sleep deprived ramblings of one poet in a universe of millions ;)

Happy Writing - and keep up the great work !!

-C.N.Moore

[sugar]

Damn that was awesome! it doesnt look like you need much help:) keep it up!

[Tainted Ink]

Ouch!! I was so hoping you would unload the bullets from the gun....you got style.... and depth...hello darkness my old friend....