Presence(poem)

I'm kinda new to writing, any constructive criticism would be amazing!!! Thanks!

 

Presence

Gliding through the fields

Fields of time and space

The joyful kiss of Presence

Is drawn to my embrace

And as I take her in my arms

Her innocence so true

I come to realize at once

That I am Presence too

 

We join our hands and sing our songs

Of who we choose to be

We make a world so full of life

For everyone to see.

And through our dreams, our work, and play

And for our love of youth

We readily forget ourselves

And our eternal truth!

 

And in this manifest of life

Complexity our creed

Our thoughts of joy and hope and love

Turn into pain and greed.

The wars begin, and death does spread

Across the fields once pure

Denying all that we had known

In times that hope endured

 

And as I fight, alone and weak

My body, blood does lace.

I glance up toward my only foe,

Hatred in her face

But in her eyes a passion glows

That’s unlike any creatures

And as she swings and strikes me down

A change o’er takes her features

 

At once behind her hateful eyes

A light begins to glow,

A light that strikes a memory,

And impression I should know

And as the recognition grows

And fills my mind with splendor,

I gaze upon her sun-lit face

And I start to remember;

 

Before the wars, the lies, the hate

The love that we did share

Before the making of the world

our fear lead us to bear.

I remembered, far and wide

The fields of time and space

And every beautiful event

That led me to this place

 

And as I take my final breath

It all becomes so clear

The story has transpired

And brought us both right here

 And in the final moment

Her heart so fir’y strong,

I smile, accept, and understand at last,

She was Presence all along.

Reviews

[Edalene Connell]

Wow this was great. It flowed very well.