Prologue

A thousand emotions and thoughts tear through my mind at maximum speed, as I am split in two, torn, ripped, by this man. I feel a tear escape and run down my cheek, in between my parted lips.

I concentrate only on the salty taste of my tears. I close my eyes tight, and wonder if this is how the typical experience is when losing one's virginity. As much as I hate this, this man who I thought I knew so well, but I now understand is different than everything I'd assumed he was, I cannot help but feel as if I am betraying my mother, the woman who sat me down and specifically said "You are different than the other girls at school. I know. You will not go off and lose your virginity to a boy who means nothing. You are smart, Madison."

I let this happen, I think to myself. I'm not smart. I could've kept this from happening and I didn't. So therefore, I betrayed my mother.

And as I lay there, this man's weight pressing me down as he groans on top of me, his body like a cage that I am stuck in, I think for the thousandth time, the question that has been haunting me the most, more than how I betrayed my mother, Does he love me?