The Beast Under My Pillow: Adulthood

 My words have not been expressed since I've found myself in limbo. Dangling between adolescence and womanhood. My words have been locked away. expression is for the young and the dreamers. Words of optimism are only meant to leave the lips of those whose haven't been kissed by cynicism and worry. 

Love is only a tale we tell our children when they're young. Prince charming will come, he will slay the dragon and you will live happily ever after. With his kiss we will be set free from all that entraps us princesses. 



And yet, this is 2013 and the dragon has morphed into something so heinous, but regardless of fear we dig our heels into the sand as this dragon drags us through the mud. We pray for prince charming, in fact, we pray for any fairy tale to be true. 

But then we realize that there comes a time where when you lose a tooth it's YOU who pays. You who must pay some man with drills and degrees and enough valium to knock out all of San Diego. And yet, for a moment you look under your pillow hoping for a dime, a penny, some proof that the tooth fairy hasn't forgotten you too, but you only find a monster who wraps itself close around you and you and this monster engage in a dance of tongues and intimate touches. This monster reveals itself to you as: ADULTHOOD. 

An entity that is so terrifying that you do everything to conform to its soul-sucking embrace. You are locked away in a cubicle or a school desk. Learning, studying, writing. Chained. Chained by debt, responsibility, and the allusion that by pushing pencils from 9-5 you're changing the world. And that soon, Prince Charming will come and you will ride off into the sunset of your happy ever after. 

Yet, he has yet to come. My chains are only tightening around my ankles and my youth wilts away every day as adulthood enraptures me in the most carnal way. Adulthood takes me to a place where SEX doesn't always equal LOVE and LOVE can be borrowed for a night. 

Adulthood brings me to a place where worry consumes my brain more that happy. This new beast has brainwashed me to believe that happy equals money and money = this prison and so this prison=happiness. Yet, I don't feel happy and prince charming hasn't come. 

Now, not only am I realizing how ****** up this place is that i'm locked away in. I'm realizing that maybe I'm not WORTH saving. Prince charming has decided that XBOX and beer are more worth while than human connection and he's gotten too fat to even climb back on hist trusty steed. And so have I. We both have become so consumed by adulthood's nasty cycle of LUSTGREEDGLUTTONY LUSTGREEDGLUTTONY LUSTGREEDGLUTTONY that I've become stuck in the middle and maybe he just can't find his way in. And I'm babbling like a schizophrenic and if my shrink read this he would have me committed and popping so many pills that even a self-loathing teenager couldn't keep up. 

I never dare to question the complexity of life because it is SO ******* simple. Yet, in the midst of all this story telling we've forgotten to add the truth: Prince charming may FORGET to come for you, so learn to deal with the prison you're in, and you don't get presents for being good all year, in fact being good won't even get you noticed and while your trying to grow up so fast your youth is running in the opposite direction away from the scary entity you're about to throw yourself into. And when you find that you just weren't ready for all the responsibility you were running toward, you find that adulthood doesn't care and will throw even more your way.