Prologue

 

10 years ago, in a galaxy quite far away from ours, a new star rose upon space. The star was headed for Earth, definitely, as it crashed purposely right in its atmosphere, in a jungle far from any civilisation. Where did it come from? What was it doing on Earth?

A couple of light years away, other forms of life exist. There are planets with inhabitants even more developed than earthlings. The majority of planets in the universe have species with the physique exactly like or resembling that of an earthling human. There are thousands of different versions, with different colors and different amounts of limbs and organs, but they all share the same general anatomy. The earthling human’s body is one version of this ideal body structure. The Ahnés Owrkasia organism, as it is referred to throughout the multiple inter-communicating galaxies, roughly translates to “erect superior” or “standing supreme”. It is said to be the most common body structure of a living organism because it is, according to diverse experiments and research from across the universe, the most capable and efficient body for an organism. Those species are, almost always, the most powerful and reigning species of a planet.

Six galaxies farther from the Milky Way stood the Daï-Taï, which to earthling comprehension would translate to the Yin-Yang Galaxy. The galaxy was named that way because among the devastating amount of violence and destruction across that galaxy, there was also an equal amount of wisdom and prosperity. Among the five inhabited planets of the galaxy, the two most powerful and famous ones were complete opposites. One was of generosity and peacefulness, while the other one was of cruelty and corruption. The good and evil influences from those two planets were so strong and overwhelming that they reached every corner of the galaxy, therefore forming the common culture. This balance of good and evil was what made the stability of the galaxy before its fall 10 years ago.

            Nemus was the planet of goodness and purity. It was the biggest planet of the galaxy, at least four times the size and population of Earth, and it was by far the most famous of Daï-Taï and unarguably the strongest, perhaps, of the whole universe. The planet was known through multiple galaxies because of its numerous achievements and because of the benefits they brought to societies with their technology. Apart from their discoveries, they were also universally renowned for their exploits in sciences, arts and sports. There was a legitimate reason behind the planet’s success: its inhabitants had a gift unique to their species.

            Long ago, in the beginnings of time on Nemus, the planet governed itself without any outside or inside force leading it. Governments were inexistent and everyone was treated equally. The dominating species on Nemus, referred to as nemusians, were anatomically identical to humans on Earth. But what made them very different from earthlings was that every one of them was born with a gift called a “Birth-Power”. Every single nemusian had this power inside of him at birth, but only one type. He would develop it through puberty, and then master it throughout the rest of his life. There were limitless numbers of different Birth Powers, including lightning speed, super strength, magnetism, and telekinetic powers to name a few. Some powers, of course, needed more mastering than others. Some nemusians were born with the Birth Power to define people’s powers. Those “power specialists” were very fundamental to society because they could find “indirect” powers, like for example, immortality, resistance to fire, or the ability to stop breathing for prolonged periods of time. Those indirect powers, which most often cannot be discovered by the person on his or her own, need to be distinguished by such a power specialist.

 Birth Powers were the symbol of Nemus. It was part of their culture, their daily life and an integral part of every person’s identity; it was who they were. People identified themselves with their powers and all powers were treated equally. There were even schools and seminars for training and better mastery of certain Birth Powers. It was a worldwide custom to celebrate every teenager who would uncover his or her Birth Power. After a Birth Power develops in a teenager, that person must then complete his secondary school and find a job suitable to his power. For example, a nemusian with the Birth Power of healing open wounds with a touch of the finger would probably go on to be a doctor or do any sort of other medical job, while someone with inhumane strength would probably work in construction, moving, mining, or any other physically demanding job. And so, a Birth Power was also a responsibility, a specific way in which a person could contribute to his society. No nemusian could change or alter his Birth Power, and neither was it possible to lose it, or to get another one. The only way a nemusian could be born without a Birth Power was if he would be a cross-breed with a biologically compatible species of another planet. Only purebred nemusians had Birth Powers.

 If not only for Birth Powers, the ancient nemusians also shared another common and unique gift, and this one was the gift of true wisdom. Their hearts were loyal and straight, and their intentions were honest and pure. Never would an ancient nemusian have intentionally committed a selfish action, or something that might have harmed another person. Because of its uncorrupted inhabitants, Nemus was called the “Flawless Civilization”. Without corruption existing in their beings, no act of inequality was even thought of, like having unique rights, or disrespecting someone else’s. This was the secret to Nemus’s ability to possess such devastating powers without feeling superior and using it to dominate and control. Above their equalitarian nature, the nemusians did acknowledge that their Birth Powers gave them a unique privilege among other planets. Species from other planets found this limitless power unjust, and it progressively created a general bitterness and jealousy from the rest of the galaxy, to the point where Nemus ended up being secluded from treaties and alliances.

In order to get peace and cooperation with other planets, and also to prevent conflict, hate and jealousy, Nemus decided to promote equality by promising protection and aid to the whole galaxy as an attempt to compensate for its unique advantage. The treaty was signed, and Nemus was officially designated as protector of the Daï-Taï Galaxy. After proving themselves indispensable to the aid and protection of other planets and also by being revolutionary with their technological, scientific and artistic advancements, they gained acclaim and were praised by all. As time went by, Nemus’s contracts expanded and they started helping planets from other nearby galaxies. Planets offered pieces of land, sometimes even a whole country, dedicated to the nemusians for them to settle on and improve the security and well-being of their planets.

Having nemusians settled on other planets inevitably led some planets to be more protected than others, and planets were then becoming valued by how many nemusians lived on them. It had become a common thing for the government of a planet to treat the nemusians better than its own citizens. Influenced by invitations and donations, nemusians immigrated to other planets to promote peace and equality. It was not long after that that Nemus became omnipresent around multiple galaxies. But it would be incorrect to think that consequently, Nemus gained more power or control over the galaxies. On the contrary, they have always refused any position of authority given to them on any planet. They turned down all offers and positions granted to them by civilizations, and only considered themselves to be normal citizens. They respected and followed every all the laws that any other citizen would have to follow.

 When nemusians began to immigrate to other planets, species from other planets also wanted to start immigrating on Nemus, which was by now already claimed to be the safest place in the universe. The ironic “Flawless Civilization”, by treating everyone as equal, had accepted immigration on its planet, and it became a century in which Nemus was everywhere, and everyone was on Nemus. Nemus’ advanced development in technology, science and martial arts had started to become the main martial security to a planet. As time went on, nemusians were considered to be an unbeatable weapon to have on their side when in war. Gradually, the nemusians realized the greediness of the other planets. They noticed how throughout the years, they had been often used as a tool of war for one planet to show superiority over another. Nemus had failed to create the intergalactic peace it had aimed for when signing the protection treaty. In realizing their failure, most of the nemusians left back for their home planet, and no more Nemusian armies or settlements existed on other planets. 80% of Nemus was back on its own planet, with about 10% living on other planets in the galaxy but only as regular citizens, not soldiers. The other 10% had either found a job and/or raised a family somewhere out of the galaxy. After the withdrawal of their colonisation treaty, Nemus then stated to the universe that if their people really needed that much help and protection, then they should be the ones immigrating on Nemus. Nemus then became home to multiple genders and species, making it a multi-cultural planet.

With Nemus having become home to many different people, it could no longer govern itself because of all the various cultures, customs, beliefs, and values opposing each other. Different opinions on morals and politics arose surprisingly quickly, and conflicts broke out. The interrelation between Nemus and other cultures had also affected the minds of many nemusians, and problems began arising from nemusians too as they accepted or opposed values and philosophies from different cultures. Now that the planet was multi-cultural, the planet was not so peaceful anymore and became more of a common planet with the usual crimes, conflicts and racism. Nemus was still helping out other planets in distress, but their planet was now also filled with civils wars and other problems. The planet that had always functioned as a peaceful equalitarian anarchy was on the verge of chaos. Despite the planet’s reputation, Nemus found itself desperately needing written laws, security patrol and intervention forces. What they needed was a leader, a savior able to contain all this chaos. There was an old legend on Nemus that one day, a nemusian would rise and save the whole universe. It was the legend of the Hero.

Before chaos could fall on the once pure planet, a governmental system was finally introduced. It was developed by a nemusian man with the unique power to change the world. He was able to assemble many friends and followers, but what helped him the most was his unique gift, never seen before in all nemusian history: the possession of two Birth Powers. He had the power to transport himself anywhere in the universe in a mere second. Furthermore, he could not die. It was a perfect fit to rule the world. With the help of all his friends and followers, he was able to form a worldwide socialist aristocracy. With world peace re-established, he was symbolically crowned as “King” of the planet. The King commanded the nemusian military. He was also the president of the Council, a legislative assembly composed of nemusians elected by the population. The King was the person organizing all the democratic assemblies around the world, and also the one who societies would turn to when in need of help or orientation. He was a watchful eye, a helping hand, a formidable advisor, an excellent organizer, an incredible speaker and the greatest known motivator in the history of Daï-Taï Galaxy. This double Birth-Powered nemusian, after his extraordinary deeds, was considered by most as the Hero foretold in the prophecy. This revolution that suddenly changed the chaos into order was from then on called the Miracle.

 Military and governmental occupations were only to be given to nemusians to ensure a more loyal, unbiased and efficient system, and most importantly, to have a government with minimum chances to become corrupt. The nemusians’ purity may have had tainted a little from all the past events, but they were still considered the purest and most peaceful species in the known universe. With absolute serenity gone from the planet, the nemusians now needed to be able to solve their inner conflicts, as if their outer conflicts with other planets weren’t enough, especially from the most menacing planet of them all: Lizaross.

Lizaross was the planet of pure evil and cruelty. Even though it was the smallest planet of Daï-Taï, about twice the size and population of Earth, The lizaards, the dominant species of Lizaross, were the most troublesome species the universe had ever known. A lot of races varied, but they all resembled a hybrid breed between the Ahnès Owrkasia organism and the organism of a reptile, with their heads looking a lot like a gecko. Their ears had the shape of a wolf’s or a cat’s, sometimes really longer or wider. Sizes and forms of ears varied, and depending on some species they had long antennas instead of ears. Lizaards had threateningly large, long, and sharp teeth; the teeth one would see on a predatory reptile like an alligator or a snake. They had green skin all over, sometimes darker or lighter, some with a smooth belly and chest, while others would have their whole body covered by rock solid scales. They had a long dragon-like tail which held a dangerously sharp exoskeleton at the tip. That exoskeleton had various shapes and sizes and was called a “skeesh”. It was used for primitive defence before weapons were invented, along with their claws and teeth. The size and shape of a lizaard’s skeesh was always unique; it was the best way to differentiate two similar-looking lizaards.

 The biology and structure of a lizaard body always remained a scientific mystery. Their bodies had millions of tiny and extremely sharp bones that could pierce through multiple types of metal. Their bones were very solid and durable, able to withstand a lot of damage. Their skin had extremely flexible and stretchable pores. They had the ability to move and dislocate their bones at will, so they could pierce them out of their body through their pores without pain, and they used this technique for fighting and for other survival purposes. It takes a several years for a lizaard to fully develop this ability and that is why at childhood they mainly use their skeesh. With practice, a lizaard could even combine multiple bones together to form shapes with them and use them as a tool or weapon attached to them. With their super solid bones, lizaards were tremendously robust, and with their skeesh and retractable bones as weapons, they were also very threatening.  On top of that, they were one of the most intellectually developed species in terms of scientific reasoning, and possessed some of the highest technology in the known universe, inordinately overcoming that of Earth, and even that of Nemus. This ability helped them invent the most performing weapons to create a military beyond the imaginable. That intellect, combined with their already very strong bio-structure, made the lizaards one of the most powerful species that had ever existed, with the second best military force ever known in space, and that is why Lizaross was also nicknamed the “Flawless Army”.

 Lizaards were the complete opposite of the nemusians. They were cruel and cold-hearted creatures who wanted nothing but wealth, power and supremacy. They were a very violent species born with no feelings of mercy or empathy. Unfortunately, such a planet was also one of the strongest planets ever known. Using that strength for its own selfish purposes, Lizaross was no doubt an extremely dangerous and fearsome planet through the eyes of the Daï-Taï Galaxy. By being merciless, cruel, and smart, it was no wonder they were called the “Flawless Army”.

On Lizaross, society was ruled by a monarchy. The king wanted one thing and that was ever-growing dominion until he could rule over the whole universe. The king made half the population become warriors, while the other half became scientists. Every day, starting at a very young age, lizaards trained to fight and kill so they could annihilate oppressing forces that could hinder their way to rule the universe, just like they believed it was meant to be. It would be that way until every single planet was theirs, so they could then have eternal joy and peace in their realm of immortality.

Pyranism, the religion of Lizaross was created by the first king of the planet. He invented pyranism so he could use it as a way to control the population. He continuously engraved those thoughts and beliefs into every aspect of the lizaards lives until it led the whole civilization to show complete abidance and faith. Pyranist thought was founded on this principal: the Creator of the universe kept experimenting and making planets over and over, being unsatisfied with each one until he finally achieved the perfect planet, which was Lizaross. The Creator descended upon Lizaross and talked personally to its first king, saying that the creation of a perfect planet was too difficult to repeat twice, and that instead of destroying and redoing every other planet, he wished that their species would render every other failed planet to become perfect. To do so, the lizaards would have to eradicate the defective species of the other planets and replace them by lizaards, so as to make all other planets like the first Lizaross. This would make every planet perfect with perfect beings, until Lizaross was no longer the name of a planet, but the name of the universe. When this would be achieved, every lizaard, alive or dead, would then be granted an eternal life of joy and peace. As times went, with their belief of perfection and ethnocentrism, they developed merciless and cruel minds.

            Lizaross began to invade other planets, killing all the living creatures on them, and then claim them as part of their property, just like the Creator had instructed them to do. On rare occasions would they let a species live from a planet they had invaded, and if they did, it was to use them as slaves or as scientific experimentations (especially for cloning) until the universe would be theirs. Once the universe would fall into their hands, then they would kill every non-lizaard captive left. As time went, the satisfaction of killing and gaining power was getting higher and higher, and the lizaards were becoming more and more evil, almost completely forgetting about their religion; it was now mostly a goal of dominance and selfishness. At first the mission was executed by erasing every other species as quick as possible, but after a while, they found it entertaining to slowly bring a species to extinction, while torturing and exploiting thousands upon thousands of innocent victims. Even as they progressively increased their wickedness, they always kept the one ultimate rule, dictated by the creator himself and held strictly by the king, which was to never kill another lizaard. Such an act would condemn a lizaard to an eternity of torture and suffering after they die. Murder was thus very low in Lizaross and it made them even more dangerous, long-lasting, and ever growing in terms of population.

            Lizaross’ “Flawless Army” was only second to one, and that was the flawless civilization of planet Nemus. Time and time again had they tried to invade this robust planet but never had they succeeded and not only was Nemus making it harder for them to rule the universe, they were also preventing them from invading other planets by assisting the other planets in their efforts to withstand lizaard invasions. Those Birth Powers proved to be quite the obstacle for lizaards, to a point that of all the five planets in Daï-Taï, they had only been able to bring one planet into their hands, all others impossible to conquer because of the nemusians. Nemus and Lizaross quickly became arch-enemies, and the struggle between these two opposite forces continuously shook the whole galaxy, until one last shake ended it all, and that’s when the story of the Hero begins…

 

Reviews

[JayG]

Obviously, you’re working hard on this story, given all the chapters you’ve produced. But there are some things you might want to address before going further, because they’re issues that are the reason you’re not getting lots of glowing reviews.

First, your science. There’s no nice way to put it: you’re making it up, and you can’t do that. You say, for example:

• 10 years ago, in a galaxy quite far away from ours, a new star rose upon space. The star was headed for Earth, definitely, as it crashed purposely right in its atmosphere,

Right here is where most readers will turn away. Why? Because a star is HUGE. Our own sun is 864,340 MILES in diameter, and it’s not a particularly large star. So the “new” star you mention can’t-be-a-star.

And, the distance to the galaxy nearest to our own is 146,643,601,368,010,816 miles. Given that nothing can travel faster than light, no matter what you call that object, it’s not going to travel that distance in ten years.

In general, you’re treating a galaxy as if it’s a neighborhood. But there are more than 1,700,000,000 stars in the Milky Way alone.

How long did it take me to get those figures? About five minutes research time for the numbers, via Google, though anyone who graduated high school within the past fifty tears will, like me, know the kind of numbers involved.

• A couple of light years away, other forms of life exist.

There are no stars within “A couple of light years.” Alpha Centauri is 4.2 light years away (a light year is about 5.88 trillion miles, which makes the nearest star more than 24.5 trillion miles away). Bernard’s Star is 5.96 light years, and Wolf 357 is 7.78. It grows from there.

Bottom line: You need to get your science under control.

Next: Your presentation.

• Where did it come from? What was it doing on Earth?

Seriously? You ask two questions the reader assumes you’ll address next, in paragraph one. But do you? No. You drop that subject and turn to the history of a fictional empire for 3,357 words, or thirteen standard manuscript PAGES in which NO story takes place, just trivia the author MIGHT want to know on story’s history. We’re talking about nearly an hour’s reading BEFORE any story begins.

Do you want study a history book in order to read a story? Of course not. Does anyone? No. So…I know you worked hard on it, and that you’re proud of this chapter. That’s a given. But it’s history not story, and readers come to fiction for story, so flush it. Or better yet, put it aside so you can write the stories inherent within the world-line you’ve created.

Here’s the deal: It’s not that you’re doing something “wrong.” You’re doing just what you’ve been taught, and writing in the book-report/essay writing style which is all we’re given in our school days. Great if you’re writing an essay or book-report, in order to impart information. But those skills are useless for fiction, whose goal is to entertain. So no matter how hard you work with those nonfiction writing skills, the result will read like nonfiction.

And THAT’S what you need to fix. Fiction-Writing is a profession. And like every other profession, the skills and special knowledge of it are learned IN ADDITION to the nonfiction skills you’ve been given in school. You learn those skills to make you useful to future employers—a part of the set traditionally called, The Three R’s: Reading, w‘Riting, and a’Rithmetic. And to fulfill the mission of nonfiction, that of informing the reader, its skills are fact-based and author-centric, as is this chapter, and the others. You, the narrator, explain what’s going on.

So there you are, standing right between the reader and the action, blocking the view, and talking TO the reader in a voice they-can’t-hear because only you know how you want it read.

Have your computer read the story aloud. It’s a great editing tool, and in this case it will show you how different what the reader gets is from what you intend.

Fiction’s goal isn’t to inform the reader. Its goal is to entertain the reader by making the story seem to be taking place in real-time as-they-read. They don’t want to KNOW. They want you to make THEM angry, to make THEM fall in love, flinch in fear, and experience every emotion the protagonist does, as they do. They want experience, not knowledge. And that takes a skill-set very different in approach from the one you now own. Punctuation stays the same, as does grammar, and such things. But the approach switches from fact-based to emotion-based; from author-centric to character-centric; from informing to entertaining.

And how much of that set of skills will you learn from reading fiction? About as much as you learn about how to cook from eating.

So…is it a matter of talent? No. Talent is only the ability to learn and use the tools of the profession more easily than most. A untrained talented writer and one with no talent are exactly the same—and no more likely to produce readable prose. So that’s your first objective. You already know how to write as an English teacher defines that act. Now learn how to write as a publisher defines it.

It won’t be either easy or quick. After all, we practice our nonfiction skills for twelve years on our school days. But it’s worth the work, because you’ll LOVE the results. So will your readers. And if you’re meant to write, the learning will be filled with, “But that’s so…so obvious. Why did I never see that?”

Want an overview of how different fiction’s objectives are from what you use now? Try the articles in my writing blog. Many of them were written for one of my publisher’s newsletters to their hopeful contributors, and may give you a feel for the issues you need to work on.

For a deeper knowledge, the fiction-writing section of the library (but not usually the school library) can be a huge resource. A book I’m currently recommending is James Scott Bell's, Elements of Fiction Writing. It will ground you in the nuts-and-bolts issues of creating scenes that sing to a reader, and linking them into a coherent story.

But read it slowly, though, with lots of practice time for each issue as it’s explained, so you make it yours, as against reading about it and forgetting you did, three days later.

But whatever you do, don’t be discouraged. Hang in there, and keep on writing. Writing isn’t a destination. It’s a journey, one that lasts a lifetime.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/