Logos Apatheia

(the last words of a stoic poet)

Into my soul, I could not see,

a serpent, hidden within me.

Down in the depths, of this planetary sea.

There lies the Leviathan, born of men's dreams.

To be in at the death.

To speak with this last breath.

I bled a debt.

To promises, men have never kept.

(To this I must confess, before my body will rest)

Clothed in cloth sown of a common thread.

We all live tributes to the dead.

Thor, during the battle of good and evil,

killed the serpent with a final blow.

Only to survive nine paces before

succumbing to its poison.

Pray in behalf of  those who bleed, 

For they are the ones who are in need. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Annalisa]

Oh wow. This is..... amazing. It's powerful and one of the best things I've read in a long time. There was one line that was awkward "To be in at the death" and didn't make sense but other than that this was amazing. I love the allusion to mythology, it gave this a old world feel almost. This was amazing. I'm steeling it for my favorites.

[Ed Rector]

nice... we should all care for the ones who bleed... anyway... nice write and have a great one... - ed

[Wondering Mind]

I don't know why I've missed this excellent write! Wonderful poetry.

[Seriana]

Fantastic piece! I love the darkness, and the subtle rhyming. The title completely rocks! I'm with Kena on this, I knew within the first 3 lines that it was good. It grabbed my attention and kept it. Nicely done!

[Ed Rector]

not what i expected, which is good. Written sufficiently. i don't think you should use the ( ) in the middle of the poem... didn't seem right to myself...

[Lady Lazarus.]

To promises, men have never kept.
(To this I must confess, before my body will rest)
this line is pure lyrical beauty.
your write with a sad elegance which makes each line dance.
wonderful work.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Excellent! I knew this by first three lines. I can usually tell if I am going to like the poem that early on.

Into my soul, I could not see,
a serpent, hidden within me.

self-explanatory. anyone would want to read more by those two stanzas. I favorited it too, because I thought it was a strong poem, with strong metaphors, and very enjoyable. I look foward to reading more of your works. thanks.

kena

[Catrinka]

This is really a good write, Brandon! Your first line grabbed my attention, because it is so universal - I think everyone knows they have a 'serpent within'. Only line I"m not clear about it is: To be in at the death
Not sure quite what you want to say with that line. My favorite lines are last two, they really bring the message home - good job!!!

[BrightEyes]

Pray in behalf of those who bleed,
For they are the ones who are in need.

These two lines struck a chord in me - though this entire piece is beautiful and majestic. the imagery here is fantastic; painting pictures of forgotten heroes and foes. wonderfully done.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A bit erie and haunting but also conveys a bit about humanity and the sacrifices we need to make to keep it strong... Very cool, thank for sharing it with me.