This is a good poem and is indeed pieces of a person. Yet I see it as two distinct poems.
Taking the whispers out, it reads as a child's thought and dreams.
Reading the whipers alone, they come across as a reflection from someone a little older who does remember the voice and yearnings of youth but who is now prepared to accept that things are different, and in seeking those different perspectives will remain by your side - even by the side of the youth that was.
Again, I may be seeing more than there is, but this is what I get from this poem.
There is a strange rhyme scheme in here but it sounds good once you find it. This might sound silly, but the whispers and rhythm sound like the ocean to me...or maybe it depends on how you read it. A favorite! :-)
I have to say, this is a bit different from what I have read of yors before.
I read it twice, before I found my rhythm, though in the end I'm glad I took the time.
The imagery was good and I like the seperation of the whispers.
Well done.
Wowzers thats deep. But so insightful, it's notable! I love the parenthesis, makes a whisper louder. And the irony of your words, maybe only I can decipher?
A lot of thought has gone into this piece Brandon as the words in brackets give explanation to the preceding text. This is a novel idea for a poem (lol, no pun intended) Your thoughts here are true and beautiful. Your heart has much compassion and you speak of the children from two perspectives and several generations, not so much in terms of yourself (although you are in there) but you seem to have covered a few agegroups. I liked the flow of this...a nice read, thank you.
Cheers,
Helen :-)))
the middle is the part that really grabbed me. Throwing the stone, the invisible, the intangible. I don't find this simple at all.I love the complexity to it and how it weaves in and out. "one more dream, until she comes to be" your writing is always so delicious, like you can bite into it. It is so full of feeling and breath. Have I ever told you you are one of my favorite writers here? Ha, I know i have. lol
I love the simplicity and the sweetness of this... It as very tender. It reminded my of one of my favorite songs, "I'll Be Yours" by Placebo. Anyway, this was great, I especially loved the lines "Every day seems to me,/one more dream./ Until she comes to be./ (Ill be by your side)". Great work :)
Hey, my name is Brandon, and welcome to my page. I was born in merced California, then I moved to Germany, then to North Dakota, than to Minnesota, and recently back to the valley in California. I am .. more..