Self Medication

This is a poem I once planned to release as a spoken word piece but wound up just leaving on paper. Its personal but vague.

And you can't talk to me tonight,

All because of a pill that the doctor prescribed,

A little pill called "a waste of time"

Used to pull me and my memories out of the wires of your mind,

Forgotten, forgotten, forgot,

Detract one syllable and that's how you know she forgot,

The last minuscule grain of love shared,

Became a break away for her to grow and repair,

But I'm un-reparable and haven't grown an inch from where I last stood...

 

Space is the essence of the gravity around us,

The more space between makes it harder to breathe and I float away,

floating past the stars we used to share a view of every day,

and burning out, I'm burnt out, my lights fading,

Hold me high, but don't hold me at all,

cause I don't want to be invading,

I know space is the essence of wherever you are,

and I don't want you remembering,

cause space is the allowance to keep you safe,

when I was around we watched our inner mechanics break,

every gear churning so hard we felt the earth shake,

your face hurt from stretching your voice as loud as you could make...

 

How long does it take for god to see struggle?

cause I'm struggling and god damnit I wish he'd just show,

cause for a long time I lost faith, taking fate for face value,

like a prize you could hold on to but were too afraid to open,

so I sit broken, broken, broken,

and I broke into hysterics and began blaring,

screaming for a blessing or some sort of helping,

some assistance in existence,

cause I'm starting to lose my grip,

and if we all lose our grip who will keep us stumbling?

who would bother to catch us from falling?

when all we have is all we get and some aren't dealt the right hands,

no pairs, no flush, no straights, all the wrong suites and odd numbers,

so if I fold do I go cold? do i sit in the freezing snow,

or is hell real and painful enough to feel like home?

cause the space I have is not enough to be content,

her space is enough to let the whole world in,

except me.