In the beginning

Chapter one *updated*

If you can, would you kindly attempt to fathom this darkness. This complete and utter emptiness which has possessed my soul. A shattered fortress just inches from the inevitable abyss. Now please imagine the painful heart gripping feeling of the realization that you can never turn back. Its hard to imagine, yet it's so much harder to place it into words. The words of which you are reading, is the evident calm before the storm. Alas I cannot make you understand them fully, but the way you exhibit comprehension throughout this is solely up to you. February 6, 2018


A child's life during the developmental years play a major role in dictating the said childs adult years. Many people experience this time differently, some for the best, some for the absolute worst. With that being said I'll begin.
While looking back over the years, it's almost like staring through a red stained blurry mirror, regardless of how hard you scrub and struggle to gain some clarity its is permanently blurred. I feel as if when most people think back. They somewhat feel comfort in knowing what was. When I look back I feel emptiness accompanied with the purest rage. When looking back now all that remains is a blurred self image of what life has changed into the person I now am. That happy child who was constantly in denial of his own reality is gone. I remember clearly one cold November evening. My siblings and I were sitting around in the living room watching the movie 'sister act'. My father had been gone most of the later part of the evening on this particular Saturday night. Moments before he had left I had overheard this heated argument over his frequent drinking binges at the local bar, just a few block walk away from our flat on the corner of Halstead street. I couldn't really comprehend the words at the age of six years old. I stood confused hoping it'd stop. I sat blankly staring at the Television. I could distinctly hear the old screen door which was rusty opening, before the foyer door opened my mom burst to the door, again shouting. "You've been drinking again, these kids have been through enough of this s**t!" She said as my father lunged in half sideways with that stupid a*s look drunks seem to have when they are attempting to be sarcastic. "I've only had a few with the family for dad's birthday." She snapped back aware of this lie"A few my a*s, you smell like a brewery!" Before she could finish he yelled "open this goddamn door, right f*****g now!!" At this point my oldest sister Desiree was rushing us into her bedroom. She was the mediator in most of these quarrels having been the oldest of the seven of us. This was becoming a frequent occurrence. We all sat quietly waiting in her yellow paneled room. 'destiny' the baby of our family was only two years old at the time sat shaking, crying silently beside the bed's footboard. I asked Desiree "why he acted like this Everytime he comes home?" when all at once it literally sounded like the door had been kicked in violently, Desiree jumped out of bed and ran into the Hall. My mother screaming "Stop"!! I glanced out the door and caught a glimpse of my father choking my mother. Desiree trying to get him off of her throat. That split second moment lasted an eternity in a child's mind, my mind raced and my heart fluttered intensely. I stood afraid shaking yelling "Dad please stop". The entire house which had been quiet before had erupted into chaos filled with the sounds of kids screaming. As he vanished into the hall, we all rushed to our mother. Her face purple, struggling to breathe. A forced smile on her face to comfort her babies. By the time we were able to help mom to her feet, he emerged from the kitchen. Yelling, "get in the goddamn bed!" My siblings did just that. With me refusing to leave my mom's side, he turned his attention to me. "Did you not just f*****g hear me?" My silence and refusal caused him to lash out again. I remember at my mom as he grabbed me by the back of my favorite shirt. I was screaming at this point, which made it worse. He grabbed my face and slammed it off of the wood paneled wall. I don't remember much of the hereafter just the ringing noise followed with the smell of blood, and darkness.. I had began to come back to consciousness around thirty minutes later. I sat straight up with this immense throbbing in the center of my forehead, followed with nausea and dizziness. Literally all I could smell was my own blood. The green shirt with a yellow skateboarding T-Rex that I was wearing had been saturated in blood. My mother was holding my hand crying "Baby talk to me please, please talk to me!" I could just barely hear my sister in the kitchen yelling "He needs to go the hospital, he is going to die if he doesn't!!" She soon emerged out of the hall with a cold wet rag, hastily handing it to my mother who promptly began gently dabbing it on my face. The cool white rag helped alot but the relief was just temporary. she handed me a cold glass of milk which I began to inhale it, when i paused to breathe. I had noticed that three drops of my blood had saturated into my milk, almost turning it a Pepto bismol color. Desiree had also seen it and again began arguing with my mother, about the hospital decision. "Damn it Desiree, go into the f*****g room!!" My mother yelled. "Mom.. why are you protecting that monster look what he just did to Brandon, he destroyed all of the plates in the kitchen and then leaves us to drink some more." Desiree cried. I belive that struck my mothers nerve she had began shaking and crying uncontrollably staring at me, her hands trembling trying to cover her face so that I didn't see it. Her beautiful eyes a blood shot shade of their usual green. Seeing my mom on the floor crying hurt worse than anything he could ever do to me. I got up and nearly fell over, but I managed to get on my knees close enough to hug her. I wrapped my arms around her, I could feel her warm wet tears running down my face. I had also began to feel bad because I had gotten blood all over her favorite two sizes to big grey chicago white Sox T-shirt. She wiped her eyes and nose then smiled at me and said in a broken voice "you protected Me my little man, I love you so much Brandon Michael." A few moments later we moved to the sofa, I rested my head on her lap and finally drifted to sleep. As I'm writing this now looking back I can say that the reason my mother didn't have him arrested is because he was the only source of income for our family of seven including me. I had two brothers and four sisters. We were a family of little means, we never had alot but we made it. Sometimes just barely but we'd get by nonetheless. I can also say that she had no one else to call for help, it seemed that both sides of the families seen us as burdens. My mom's side seen us as half Mexican, and my father's side seen us as half white. There had been a few times we had to stay with my mom's family, it seemed promising for all of two days. Once the newness wore off all bets were off. Everytime one of us would attempt to get a drink or something to eat people would make sly remarks, or roll their eyes and talk about us and my mother's shortcomings amongst themselves, but even a whisper in thin walls sounds like a yell. For example one morning while staying at my aunt's house I had come in from playing outside with some dirt on my shoes i had walked through the kitchen while my aunt whom isn't worth naming here was cleaning dishes. She turned and yelled "Take your goddamn shoes off!" I apologized and offered to clean up my mess. she just turned around and continued washing a blue cup, completely disregarding my apology. I walked into the room where we had been staying. A family of seven, our lives cramped into a small bedroom at the end of a hall. Before I sat down I had mustered up the courage to ask if I could please have a drink, having been parched from playing outside. So I proceeded back down the grey colored hall, with dirty tan carpets into the kitchen. I walked behind her almost changing my mind but proceeded to ask "may I please have something to drink?" She barely turned but I could see her jaws clenching with annoyance. With no response I just said "I'll just get some water out of the bathroom, may I please have a cup"? She turns to Me and says "You eat my food, you run up my power bill. Is there any thing else you don't f*****g want?" I had tears streaming out of my eyes knowing we were homeless, I had already felt not wanted and she has just verified my thoughts on it. I ran back outside by my mother whom was with the rest of the family grilling in the back yard. needless to say we left that day and stayed in a hotel until we landed the above mentioned house on Halstead. So as I've said before she had absolutely zero other options at the time. We literally would have lost everything again if his a*s would've went to jail that night. When he came back home the next night my mother gave him the Ultimatum. Before she let him enter again."It's either us, or it's the booze". He hesitantly agreed of course. He up held his promise for a little over two weeks. A short lived agreement that had an untimely ending. His shortcomings in his own sobriety led up to me watching my mother pack her and my sister's bags while crying, and begging her to take me with her. They were heading to her sister Mary's house just outside of the Chicago suburb of Aurora, Mary's house couldn't hold us all so she took the girls. She kissed my head on her way out the door, but he stood waiting. They had another altercation which led her to slap him in the face yelling that she had finally had enough of his bullshit. Immediately after she and the girls left and silence fell over the house. i was distraught, as you can imagine. She had left this puffy Chicago white Sox jacket on the arm of the sofa one in which she would always wear. I stuffed shirts in it and laid on the floor hugging it pretending my mother was with me, crying my eyes out wondering. why did she leave me? I was afraid, sad, and Alone. I kept hoping she wasn't cold....
When my mother finally returned after a couple of weeks out on the limb. They mutually decided that a change of scenery would be best for all of us. I was still too young to understand that the place isn't the problem, its the person. My parents found an apartment big enough for all of us a little over an hour away. It was a relatively nice, spacious apartment. It had very tall ceilings, a beautiful foyer window, And was outstretched with mahogany flooring throughout. We had began to become settled into our new home. when one day my father's sister telephoned him from a Town in the northern part of Alabama, she called informing us that her husband, our uncle Marty had passed away the night before due to several heart complications. The funeral date had been set for the following Monday. They all contemplated who should go with my father. It was decided that my youngest sister destiny and I should stay home with my mother while my siblings and father leave for Alabama the next morning . The next morning came in the blink of an eye I was upset at first that I didn't get to go with everyone but ultimately had gotten over my tantrum. I began to think since they were all gone for two weeks, I had time to explore this new place. I asked my mom if I could play in the hall. She agreed as long as I didn't bother anyone. I walked outside excited to begin. I found this small room in the back of the building, i technically shouldn't have been snooping around in. It was an odd room that was about thirty yards long, with one wall lined with dirty windows up to the ceiling. I had made it to the middle of the room and found an empty box full of empty MGD beer bottles, and began to look at them when this young girl had walked up, she had to of been at least thirteen at the time and said she was from Ukraine. She promptly introduced herself as Sydney, And was the first girl that I've really ever talked to for more than three seconds. Being only seven years old myself. At the time she was unlike anyone I've ever met Her hair was black, wavy, and sorta short she was kinda tall and she smelled liked Bubble gum. She had a black dark side of the moon logo T-shirt on with black jeans. I had thought that she was nice. We talked for a few minutes while looking around in this room. We mostly talked about her T-shirt while she explained who pink Floyd was. She grabbed the box of bottles and moved them beside one of the broken windows, I walked beside her and looked and the building over looked a scrap yard full of old cars, and metal junk. She smiled and said "Let's throw the bottles at that Volkswagen, the first to hit it gets a pop". I excitedly agreed and we began tossing them with neither of us hitting the target . A tall skinny man wearing a dirty white hat in the salvage yard had noticed what we were up too. He began yelling and cussing while waving his arms around. We both ran like hell back to the stairs at the entrance of the building, we were out of breath laughing at his skinny arms wailing away. "I think he was so mad he threw his hat" she said as we began laughing harder. After we were able to breathe again, with my side hurting I sighed. She turned to me and asked "have you met oh girl in there?" Still kinda outta breath I said "No, you are the first person I've met here." "Well she's a cool hang, you should lemme hollar for her". She insisted as she walks to the maroon door. She knocked almost rhythmically. After the fifth thud a teenage guy comes to the door, As soon as the door was opened I could smell the grease that they had been frying with. His hair was so blonde it was almost white. He was wearing a white collar shirt and blue school slacks. I thought to myself he kinda looked like a cabbage patch kid. "Hey Mike, is Tammy here?" She asked. He partly shuts the door, and yells "Tammy! Your friend is at the door". He opened the door back up "here she comes" He said. "thank you mikkeeeeeyy", she says almost in a sarcastic sorta flirty voice. Before Tammy had made it out the door I could hear her raspy voice telling her brother "She doesn't like you Mike". Hearing this made Sydney laugh. I stood waiting, when finally sydney introduced me to another girl named tammy. Tammy was Sydney's age. She smelled like that same burnt cooking oil, her face was covered in freckles while her hair literally stood up in the front, she had snot running down her right nostril. She had the same colored school clothes as her brother. The three of us stood laughing at that guys chicken arms from the salvage yard. I could tell that tammy was a bit on the timid side. She laughed but didn't say to much. I sat on the steps a few feet away amidst the laughter and thought to myself happily even though they were girls, For the first time I had friends. I was about to ask what school they had attended when out of nowhere "Brandon!" My mom yelled down the hall. "Its time to eat, come inside". I hesitantly said bye, and insisted that maybe I'd see them again later. We agreed that we'd meet on the stairwell again the following day after breakfast. I walked inside to the sweet surprise of aromatic bacon, eggs, and a fresh stack of flapjacks. Which had reminded me of the time that i had seen an animal crushed in the street after getting hit by a bus a while back, I laughed thinking it's name was probably flapjack, or possibly spot. I walked up to the stove while my mom was cleaning the papers off of the table. I attempted to swipe a piece of the heavenly bacon. Which was met with an unexpected smack on the top of my hand. We both laughed as I tried to play it off and sat down. "So what all did you do?" Mom asked. "I just walked outside looking for garden snakes." I implied. All the while laughing inside thinking of the guy and his hat. "Well did you find any"? She inquisited. "Nope but I found a couple old bottles and filled them with dirt". My baby sister who was now across from me was coloring on an old Yahtzee score card. I tried to figure out what she was creating but, all I could make out was a ton of light blue scribbles. "Well im glad you had fun" she says while sitting my glorious plate in front of me. The smell sent my stomach into an absolute frenzy. The following morning I waited impatiently on the steps, for my new friends to come outside. I started feeling down thinking they didn't wanna hang out with me until from the stairs above "Heeeeeeeeyyy brandon!" In that same tone as she had used with mike. I looked up and seen her looking down with her short hair in her face, as if she was upside down looking at me smiling from ear to ear. I happily greeted her and met her at the top of the eighth step. We sat talking about what type of things the three of us could do today. "We could ding dong ditch, or we could go in the alley and burn paper?" She said. "I can't my mom would ground me for a century". I said and immediately felt like a dweeb. "Awee don't be such a mayor Mcsquare!" She laughed. I just put my head down feeling embarrassed. "Fineeee......". she said with one of those fabricated frowns. We sat in silence, I had no idea what to say. "Well have you ever touched a girl?" She asked Not really understanding her meaning i responded "do you mean like wrestling"? She just sorta grinned at that response. "I mean like touch....touch her..".Before she could finish My mother walked out to check the mail box. The conversation immediately shifted to baseball teams. She seemed to become bored quickly at the topic. She took a deep sigh then stood up and knocked on Tammy's door again, with no response. She walked back to the steps and insisted that we should go play her new gameboy on her sofa, while we were waiting for jenny to get home. I had to ask my mother for permission which was granted after much debate. The walk to her apartment seemed alot further away than I imagined, considering I had never been to that side of the building alone. Upon entering I had to wait in the hall for what seemed to be a year for her to ask if I could come inside, and then finally she opened the door grinning. While Looking back now I vividly remember walking into this apartment to the smell of dirty clothes, trash, and a newly lit cigarette. Her mother sat on a purple arm chair, staring blankly at the morning news. She was a very heavy set lady, she was wearing dirty socks and a worn down cotton night gown with stains all over it. Her hair looked unwashed and frizzy, reddish brown with grey on the sides. Her face looked as if the years hadn't been kind. She had freckles just below cold eyes, accompanied with wrinkles and a shadow of a mustache. We walked past her without so much as a glance. We walked into Sydney's bedroom. I sat on the bed waiting for her to find the gameboy. She headed for the living room saying "I've gotta get the charger, wait here". The apartment she was in was morbidly infested with roaches. It was to the point that they were falling off the ceiling. Not long after I noticed the bugs I also noticed that she had an infatuation with the backstreet boys. She had posters on every open inch of her walls. She returned in moments claiming she couldn't find the charger. "But I have a mini trampoline too", she says. This made me excited from never have before used a trampoline. I excitedly insist that she gets it. It was alot smaller than I imagined. it was no bigger than a small end table. it was also kinda rusty. Her idea of a trampoline was a thing that women use to work out their glutes in their living rooms. After about fifteen minutes of dissatisfied jumping around, I sat on the floor near a white vanity. She sat beside me and asked"have you ever played doctor"? "What's that?" I asked.
"It's when someone lays on their back, whilst the 'doctor' examines them". She explained. "Do you wanna play? It's so much fun!" She insisted. She then stood up in front of me whispering "doctor I need you to examine me". As I was getting to my knees to play this game. She unbuttoned her jeans, slowly pulling them to her ankles fully exposing a white pair of pink trimmed panties, with the hello kitty cat all over them. She laid flat on her back in front of me while pulling her panties to the side saying "This is wear it hurts". She proceeded to grab my hand guiding my index finger slowly into her. I tried to pull my hand away as I turned to her and said "Im not supposed to be touching a girls private parts", I stood trying to wipe off my finger as she laughed and attempted to grab my hand again. "No" as I stood up and said "I want to go home". She looked at me confused and jumped up, and began fix her white panties. She was trying to put on a pair of bright orange ruffled shorts.I thought to myself, how the front of her white panties were sort of yellow?She quickly attempted to explain that what we just did was okay, that it wasn't bad, it's just that parents don't want us to have any fun. "Squares right?' Her argument was ultimately cut short due to the fact that her mother's heavy echoing footsteps headed toward the door. Without notice this mountain of a mother comes in saying "we've gotta run to the grocery store, tell you're friend it's time to go home for the day" in a raspy almost Russian sounding voice. I saw myself to the door. I couldn't help but thinking on my walk back home, that my mother was going to kill me if she found out what i'd Just done. I didn't want to go in just yet, I couldn't face my mother so I sat on the steps outside the door for just moments. When in came Tammy walking with an older man, a short overweight greasy looking guy, who was probably in his late forties due to his terrible complexion. He glanced at me expressionless and with a bag as he walked into her apartment. She came back out and sat next to me asking "where is syd"? "She had to go to the store", I hesitantly replied.... I broke the awkward silence after with "was that your dad"?
She tilted her head and said "who him? no that was my mom's friend Bill." I had to help him". We sat silent for a few moments, when she asked "you okay?" having really not known her I quickly replied "im fine, Im gonna go in and grab a juice, do you want me to ask if you can have one"? She stood up and said"No thanks, im gonna head out front. if you wanna come out after you get finished". I nodded and went inside. Halfway down the hall I was intercepted by my mothers hand. "Who are these older girls you have been with"? I explained who they were, and she insisted she needed to meet the parents of the two. I was beyond afraid at this point not knowing if she somehow knew about Sydney's game. I quickly grabbed the juice and walked towards the door. Before I made it out my mother was already in the hallway speaking to Pam, who was evidently Tammy's mother. I attempted to slip by unnoticed when she grabbed my jacket and said "you have an hour young man". Jenny's mother seemed like a nice woman, also in her late forties. Had weathered jeans and a grey polyester pullover that was too tight. She had a kind smile though. I continued outside, tammy was standing beside a tree looking at the ground strangely enough. Walking up I ask "need help finding something"?
"Oh no, I was looking for a good cigarette butt". I stood confused thinking that's absolutely disgusting. She searched for a few minutes and finally found one that met her standards. She stood smoking in front of me with a dirty ciggerete butt that had been rained on. I couldn't help but notice the snot that was still inside her nose. The wind was blowing the stale smoke towards me along with doing no good for her already crazy hair. "so are you sick?" I asked due to the snot. "No, it was because I was in the cold all day with Bill." I watched the crooked smile, run completely off her face. She lit up the last butt which was all of one puff, throws it down while places her dirty white untied shoes on top of it smothering the cherry. "I have to go in". She says as she hurried up the steps. I stood out front for a few wondering if I had said something wrong. I attempted to sit on the outside steps but the breeze was relentless. I ultimately decided to head into the house. I plopped down on the couch. I had forgotten to turn the TV on, i had to get back up and switch it on and then to the PBS channel. My mother entered the room with a basket full of clothing and sits beside me. "son that Sydney girl is a user". She proceeds with explaining to me for an hour what pam had informed her of. I tried to comprehend it, but all I kept thinking about was the game. "Pam informed me that she was using her son Mike to steal ciggeretes and wine coolers." she says. She hasn't asked me for anything. So I couldn't understand why or how she could be 'using' me. She continues explaining "She isn't anything but trouble honey, just be careful" and concludes with "If you are gonna be around her, you aren't to go into her house." I attempted to respond instead "you can go next door with her to Tammy's house that way Pam can watch when I can't." She exclaimed. I agreed, stood up upset and confused. "Honey I just want the best for my son, I don't want some alley cat trying to make use of my child." she adds as she hugged me. After I agreed I began walking to my room. I ran my fingers on the wall, it was one of them sandstone looking walls. I couldn't help but think it was awesome that our walls were made of rock. I opened the door to the room I shared with my brothers. I crash landed into my bed upset, but before I drifted to sleep I noticed my brother had left his dirty gym socks beside the pillow. They were so stiff that they could've been used as a bat. Promptly after eradicating the funk I drifted away. I had the strangest dream. I had began to float out of my bed, the difference was is that it was nighttime in this dream. I had floated into the dark living room. I was stuck up near the window and noticed that all of our furniture was floating as well. The sofa was upside down with the cushions beside it. I yelled for help with no response. When all at once the dream shifted to another place. It was also dark and I was still alone. I remember standing in the middle of this little room with absolutely no light in it. I had this terrible feeling of dread, as if I knew without a doubt that something was coming. It wasn't just out there it was out there looking for me. I seen the orange street light glow through a set of sheer curtains. I slowly approached the curtains and moved them and peered outside. I could see a street with no vehicles on it, just this one orange now flickering light. The faster this light flashed the dimmer it became. When in the distance I could make out the shadow of something walking up the sidewalk toward the light. My eyes traced its steps with critical detail. I stood paralyzed in pure fear. I wanted to scream, I desperately wanted to run but all that came out was a whisper at best. Everytime the light went out it was closer. The closer it got all I could see was a silhouette of something dark. It made it to the walkway in front of the building I was in. It stopped and it seemed to know I was watching it. This thing had turned and began to walk up the walkway. The light flickering had slowed down. The buzzing noise the light rang out had almost became deafening. It had made it to the door and began to scratch on it. When all at once the light stopped flickering and it was gone. I still couldn't move from the window, I stared assertively but couldn't see it anymore. I almost felt relived. When all at once the light blew up. All that was left was the sound of silence and the footsteps behind me running towards me. When all at once it grabbed my shoulder, I could feel it's cold breath on my neck but still was unable to move. I screamed as hard as could in the dream and it finally woke me up. I was sweating, screaming, and gripping the covers. I had immediately regretted not turning on the light before I fell asleep because it was now actually really dark. I was afraid to get off the bed, thinking that thing was underneath my bed just waiting to grab me. I yelled for my mother with no response. I literally was in the same house but felt like I was stranded on an island. I sat for atleast fifteen minutes trying to get the nerve to dash to the door. When finally I just wrapped the covers around me and darted to the door and tripped over my brothers basket. I scrambled to find the light switch having still been new here. When I found the doorknob i had that unsettling feeling that something was going to grab me until I finally bursted into the hall, looking like a chubby nun all wrapped in blankets flinging socks everywhere. I ran to kitchen looking for my mother, and noticed the smell of fried pork chops and coffee filling the room like smoke. My mother's radio blaring the baseball game. I walked somberly to the living room. As I sat down I could hear laughing in the hallway, and quickly realized My mother was in the hall. She was talking to Pam over a fresh lit Winston red, and a cup of coffee. Winstons have a distinct kinda smell. I sat down on the second step staring at the dirty grey ceramic floors. The hallway reeked of multiple dinners and winstons. The worst was the crazy old lady who was always cooking curry. The aroma of a combination of too much onion, armpits, and a pound of garlic. I sat briefly watching a black Beatle with a bluish tint, struggling to move a twig into a crack in the wall. Tammy walked out to hand her mother her windbreaker and noticed me nestled in my usual spot which caused her to walk out. She sat a couple steps above me. She promptly began apologizing about her abrupt departure from earlier in the day. "I just don't like talking about bill". She whispered to avoid our mothers from eavesdropping. They were too busy discussing the "tramp"on the third floor, that constantly has men coming in and out all hours of the night. They paid us no attention. "Why?" I asked. "Well my mom gets her medicine from him, and sometimes she has me go and help him with things if she can't afford to pay". She's continued to whisper. Her chubby face had absolutely no emotion on it, her eyes almost glazed over. Even I could tell something was wrong at this point. I just sorta pretended to listen to our moms endless conversation about the "tramp". My mom would occasionally break off topic "you need to go eat before it gets cold!" I agreed after the second time. I turned to tammy and said I'd be back. I walked through the smokey house running my hands across the coarse wall, in the same motion that your hand makes if you place it out of a moving vehicles window, pretending to fly. I painstakingly avoided that dreaded room. At the table I sat starting at my plate, not really interested in green beans. I ate the burnt pork chop and feed the beans to my sisters cat Amadeus. When I was finished I quickly walked back outside.I sat back down and asked Tammy "is your mom sick?" She responded with an almost sly tone "if she doesn't get her medicine she shuts down, she's angry, she becomes sick". Now when I thought of sickness I thought of the cold, or the little green alien guys from the commercial partying in our nasal cavities at the time. "She has been this way since my father left last August". She hesitantly says. I laughed inside at the thought of the little green dudes. All the while remaining stoic and concealed on the surface. After a pack and a half of cigarettes between the two, and that same cold cup of coffee later, we unfortunately headed into the house for the evening. I laid on the couch one which had been brown leather, the wear and tear had caused little rips throughout its surface, almost as if it had veins pushing through its shiny leathery skin. I watched Dexters laboratory but kept thinking back to Tammy's somberness toward the subject of 'bill'. I just kept hoping she was alright. I convinced my mom to let me sleep out in the living room. There was no way in hell I was going back into that bedroom after that. After some convincing she reluctantly agreed with the demand that I don't leave the TV running all night. I laid around watching TV for most of the night until I finally was able to fall back asleep. The next day seemed to drag on ceaselessly, with no regard to my thoughts on it's apparent slowness. The same can be same for the days that followed. They mostly consisted of me sitting on the steps with no sign of tammy or Sydney. It had been almost a week since I've had contact with my new friends. The following Tuesday My mother and I had just returned from getting groceries. I always loved the vibrant colors of all of the cereal, all of the happy faces on the boxes. The succulent aroma of the produce aisle, a sweet intoxicating smell of ripe bananas. I had especially loved that I got to pick out a toy. which doesn't happen much with seven kids in a house. I browsed all of my options for about twenty minutes and choose a yellow alien that I had to place in water to let it grow. I sat in the car staring at my new toy the whole ride home. When we had arrived back home and just made it to the top of the steps and walked into the building. We noticed that pam was hunched over on the steps, more specifically the step I thought was mine. She had a look of absolute distain on her face, her greyish brown hair hadn't been brushed. Her eyes almost hallowed, her skin pale, without an ounce of care that we seen her that way. "Hey girl, you feeling okay"? My mother hesitantly asked. "Im fine" she responded brashly. "Well if you need anything we are right next door, you should come by later and have some coffee". Which was quickly met with "Im just sick to death of these f*****g children of mine, they don't mind my rules, and half of the time tammy just acts like motherfucking retard!" She snapped with almost a snarl. I remember thinking she kinda looked like an shaved cat, super cold and pissed off at its baldness. I was quickly pushed inside our apartment after this,with the door shut promptly behind me. I attempted to place my ear to the cold door to listen. I couldn't really make out what was being discussed When all at once my entire head was rocked. My mother unknowingly forced the door open knocking my little nosey a*s into last week. She rushed in to make sure she hadn't just knocked me out. The spot where my father had slammed me off of the wall had began to hurt again almost immediately. I walked it off and anxiously awaited a glass of water to place my new alien in. After she had finished cleaning up destiny's milk mishap, while putting groceries away. She excitedly came into the room with a bowl of green water. I excitedly carefully placed 'Zeke' the alien into his "Magic" fluid. I sat for about thirty minutes watching and waiting for something to happen, until my mother offered me a doughnut. I quickly changed my mindset to the glazed goodness being presented to me.
The following day my family had arrived back home a few days early. I was excited for all of fifteen minutes. I was mostly upset that I didn't get to roam around the building aimlessly anymore. I was happy they made it nonetheless. I sat on the sofa listening to my family talking about the trip, and all the neat things they seen on the way. I heard all about the drama at the funeral. after a few moments my father had grabbed his jacket to step out and smoke until he realized he had forgotten to pick up more ciggeretes on the way home. He refused to drive anymore after driving fourteen straight hours. He would've sent mom but she was cooking, and entertaining my brothers endless stories about the way southern people talk. So instead he tossed me my shoes "put your shoes on pop, we are gonna walk to the store on the corner". I excitedly strapped my brown Velcro laced shoes. As we began walking I had immediately regretted not bringing a sweater. It was fifty eight degrees with a steady cold chicago breeze. I carefully walked avoiding the cracks thinking about how much trouble I'd be in if I caused my mother to receive a broken back. He asked if I had had fun, and told me how much he missed us. "so your mom tells me that you have a girlfriend now". He says with a grin. "Im too young for a girlfriend dad". I said halfway embarrassed. I began thinking about the Sydney and the almost gooey stuff which had been on my finger. This thought ultimately led me to wondering if my alien had grown. At about the halfway point we had stopped to re- strap my left shoe. We thought we heard something in the distance. like the sound of a girl crying indistinctly. We may not have payed any attention to it usually, having lived in an apartment complex. Hearing strange noises was a normal thing for us. To our immediate right was a McDonald's billboard residing beside an overpass with a small dirt trail going through a undercut wooded area. We waited beside the trail. Seeing if we had heard it again. Surely enough we heard the muffled cries. My father turns to me immediately "stay right here" he sternly says as he begins walking up the path. Being a kid I didn't listen and followed just behind him for about fifty yards. Getting slapped by branches and stabbed by prickly thorns on the way. By the time I caught up with him i was pretty upset. He stood frozen looking through a small opening beside a tree. I walked around his left side. Peered through the prickly shrubs and seen a man with his blue work pants nestled sloppily around his fat hairy ankles. This man's left arm around the front side of a girl with his right arm inside of the backside of her dirty tan joggers, which were pulled partly down, his hand was moving rhythmically back and forth while she struggled to gather her footing. My father yelled "Hey m**********r stop!!" When he began trying to pull his pants back to his waist, while my father grabbed him by his jacket collar almost throwing him onto the tracks. I stood shaking, the girl had walked further away holding her face sobbing with her pants falling further down revealing blood running down her back thighs. She turned just enough to meet my stricken gaze. Her broken expression displayed red baggy eyes. When I finally realized it was tammy standing there with 'bill'. Looking back now I can honestly say looking back that for the first time at this pivotal moment in my life, I felt absolute rage. My eyes cried, my small fist shook, and my heart was breaking for this sad exsistince just feet from me. 'He had gotten his pants up just enough to make his way out of the wooded area. He ran without looking back. My father gave chase but stopped because the Southside of chicago obviously isn't the best place to leave a child. With this being a prime example of why. Tammy had attempted to gather her composure long enough to walk back with us. My father asked "is that not your father?" she quickly responded "he gives my mom her heroine, sometimes she makes me go with him as a form of payment." With a shocked look upon his face he asked "so this has happened to you before? She knows about this?"
"My mom has been out of her stuff for the past week and a half, she has been really ill, this has happened twice before, but this time was different he was trying to hurt me." She cried as snot poured out of her nostril and almost touched her lip. This sight made my already twisted, stomach turn further. "Where is your father at?" He asked as we were opening up the gated stairs. "My father left us last August, my mother said he moved off to North Dakota with his drug buddies". "We haven't heard a word from him in over a year, he could be dead at this point", She said. My father paused before opening the door into the building and asks "who is going to take care of you after we call the police?" "Do you have an aunt or an uncle, just anyone"? She looks down and whispers with her voice hoarse from crying "we don't have anyone here, its just the three of us".
"Please don't call the cops, i don't wanna have to be taken from my mom and brother." She was absolutely distraught and we could barely make out her sentences. She was crying so hard that she actually blew a snot bubble.

Author's Note

What do you think of my rough draft?

Reviews

[Raven Goodpaster]

This is awesome. I really enjoy your vocabulary and grammar perfection. The wording is brilliant. Well done. Keep going, this is a story I would buy and recommend. Thoroughly enjoyed.

[Bmmed94]

Many thanks!