Toss: Chapter 3

Alex makes a decision, is it good or bad?

Chapter 3

 

I quickly hid the note back in my pocket. I decided I wasn't going to tell Alexandra. She knew I was gay, but she was one to make a big deal over stuff like this. She's a gay fanatic. I started listening to my iPod and tried to appear normal. On the inside I was freaking out. I couldn't wait to get home. I wanted to read the note so bad. I couldn't believe how excited I was. I just met Chris. Why was I so excited?

When the bus reached  our stop, I said the quickest goodbye to Alexandra and sped walked home. I didn't see my mom's car in the driveway and I was relieved. I didn't want to talk to her today. She would be able to tell something was awry and would get me to confess about my Lunch Detention. I threw my bag on the floor and sat on my bed holding the note. My hands were shaking. What was wrong with me? I stared at the "From Chris" on the front and noticed for the first time how neat his hand writing was. With nervous excitement I opened the note.

"It was nice getting to talk to you twice in one day. Care to join me in Lunch Detention again? If not I understand. You gotta keep that Mr. Number Five reputation squeaky clean :P", was what he wrote.

I sat on my bed frozen holding the note in my hand. My mind went completely blank, but at the same time it felt like it was racing. When I felt my paralysis wearing off I laid back and started to smile. I didn’t stop smiling. I even laughed to myself. I couldn’t believe that a person, Chris, could make me feel this way. I barely knew who he was, but the fact that he wanted to see me again made me smile.

Drunk from happiness I went downstairs to make myself something to eat. I made a small sandwich and as I ate, I came crashing back down to sober reality. My thoughts were clear this time. You don’t know him that well. You don’t know a single thing about him and he doesn’t know a single thing about you. Why would he start talking to you out of nowhere? He probably just wants to use you. Is this stranger worth going through all that pain again?

I eventually stopped myself. My mind is my own worst enemy. I went back upstairs and buried myself in my bed. I decided my homework could wait. I needed to sleep. The last thing I remember thinking about was Chris’ smile.

I was awoken to the sound of my mom slamming cabinets shut as she was making dinner. I looked at the clock; 6:47. I had slept for almost four hours. I figured it was the nice thing to do to go downstairs and greet my mother. I felt so groggy when I walked . Aren’t naps supposed to restore your energy, not leave you with less? My mom was frantically racing around the kitchen preparing dinner. I wondered why she was so agitated. She looked up and saw me standing there with a puzzled face.

“Hi honey. How was school? Can you help me with dinner? Aunt Denise and Uncle Tom are coming over”, she said gasping for air after every sentence.

I had completely forgotten my aunt and uncle were coming over.  I guess it was my subconscious acting on my feelings. I couldn’t stand them. After I came out to my parents, I came out to my whole family. From the way they all acted, they all seemed supportive. It wasn’t until later that day that I heard their real opinions. My aunt was going off to my uncle about how I was an abomination and that I was going to hell. He agreed with her. They didn’t know I heard them and I didn’t tell anyone what they said. I figured I would have to get used to people not liking me because I was gay, but I didn’t expect that kind of animosity from family. Whatever.

My aunt and uncle also have two kids, Benjamin and Jackson. I couldn’t stand the either. What they lacked in intelligence, they made up for in sports. My aunt goes way out of her way to make everyone aware of how amazing her boys are at soccer, lacrosse, and track. She only showed them off because I would get all the attention for being Mr. Number Five. I figured I would make an appearance for the length of dinner and go back upstairs.

My mom and I finished making dinner when my dad got home. He asked me how my day was and I told him it was the same as usual. I must’ve had a weird look on my face because he made a face that showed he didn’t believe me. Thank god he didn’t go any further with his parental interrogation. The table was set and the food was ready and my aunt and uncle were unsurprisingly late. I hoped they wouldn’t come. Sadly, they did.

My mom went outside to greet her sister and her eyesore of a family. I can’t be the only one who thinks family members look good or not. Anyway, my Uncle Tom was a hideous mad. He had a partially bald head and a long, bird-like nose. My cousins were equally as ugly except that they had my aunt’s beady eyes. That unfortunate genetic trait made the two of them look even more bird-like than their father. They were an ugly family. I guess it fit so well with their personalities.

When they came inside my aunt gave me the fakest smile and a half-hearted hug. She reeked of cheap perfume. I didn’t hug her back. I understand that she is family, but I just couldn’t.

“Oh my god. Look at how handsome you’ve gotten. Not as cute as MY boys though. Are you still in the top five, or did you slip down a few places? Ben and Jack are captains of the track team now. I’m so proud”, she said in an annoyingly high pitched voice with an even more ridiculous smile plastered across her face.

My uncle shook my hand and didn’t say a word to me and my cousins just glared like two vultures. Why did my mom keep inviting them over? She knew I hated all of them; SHE even hated them. I never understood her reasoning behind it. We all sat down to dinner and my aunt went on for over an hour about how amazing Ben and Jack were. My mother tried to talk about me, but my aunt just kept cutting her off. This got me mad. I hated my aunt for many reasons, and she disrespecting my mother was one of them. Let’s get the record straight, I’m the ONLY one in the world who can be mean to my mother.

I couldn’t tolerate my aunt anymore. I excused myself from the table and told my parents I was going to Alexandra’s house. My mom was about to object but my dad stopped her. He understood because he felt the same way about my aunt. He had my back. I had almost made it to the door when I heard my aunt say, “You can’t let him do what he wants all the time. That’s not good parenting. He needs to be disciplined more. Maybe your inadequate parenting is the reason why he is so screwed up.”

I knew exactly what she meant. I wanted to walk back in there and scream at her, but I didn’t. I kept quiet for my mother’s sake. Leaving my house was a relief. I wasn’t actually going to Alexandra’s. I was going to the park down the street. I used to go there as a kid and it always brought me comfort. When I reached the park I was grateful it was empty. I found a swing and lightly pushed myself back and forth. This motion calmed me down. I hadn’t realized how long I had been there because when I looked up, the sky was dark. I checked my phone to see I had three missed calls. All mom.

When I got back home my mom was sitting at the table with a glass of wine in her hand. Next to her was the half empty bottle. She looked up and saw me and gave me a drunken smile. The other reason I hated when my aunt came over was because my mom gets so stressed she ends up drinking. I kissed her and said I was going to study; a perfect excuse for my parents to leave me alone for the night.

I lay on my bed for the rest of the night reading Chris’ note over and over again. After I came down from my happy high I realized I had to make the decision as to whether or not I was going to go to Lunch Detention again. Most people in this situation wouldn’t hesitate to be there again. I was weird. Chris was sort of right. I didn’t want to ruin my reputation. One day of jokes and mockery was enough for me. But you want to see him again you moron I kept saying in my mind. I really did want to see him again. I decided it would be better to make this decision in the morning when my mind wasn’t racing. The last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep was Chris’ laugh.