The Fine Line Between Early And Late

I could tell you once,
or I could tell you twice,
but a night like tonight is something too nice,
too nice to pass up,
and there is nowhere else to be,
atleast in my opinion.
When I got here the first time my heart skipped,
maybe more than once,
because back then I was a child with the world behind me,
or maybe ahead of me,
I don't really know,
nor remember.
The past,
wow,
the past.
I don't know the difference anymore besides the lack of enthusiasm,
and how we're losing a lot more than we're gaining.
But,
here I am,
now.
Not meaning to brag,
and not entirely sure if there is anything to brag about,
but i'm starting to feel really good,
and bad about myself,
and I can't tell if it's me,
or if it's just everyone bringing me down,
but i'm sure if I was alone in the world I might be happy in the more convential way.
Until then i'm just plain lonely,
independant would be my best excuse,
but we all know that's more of a half truth than anything else.
Now i'm trying to fill my days with old friends,
and second chances.
Long goodbyes,
and alibis.
I'm still at a loss,
a lack of.
I'm trying to change that though,
because i'm settling for a lot less then i'm capable of,
and it's dissapointing,
and a little disheartening.
I really don't understand why I love,
and hate myself so much.

So,
I never decided if I showed up too early,
or too late,
and i'm sure there are some faces that I missed,
and some opperatunities I could've taken advantage of,
but didn't,
and it doesn't bother me because i'm damn proud of what I did tonight,
the things I saw,
the words I spoke,
and how everything was so comfortable,
and these constant,
small,
but constant reprieves are helping me learn to love, all over again,
because I am guarded in a lot of ways I never used to be,
but maybe that's just because I was a prisoner of war for so long,
and it fucked
me
up,
and it also made me forget
just
how
hard
it
is
to
accept
the
love
we
are
handed
just
because
we
don't
feel
the
same
way.
Maybe because it's so confusing,
and we're caught in this net of insecurities,
lies,
and innocence.
All the places that we go,
and the people that we see,
every single second means the world to me.
I know that there are going to be many things we won't be able to escape,
close at hand, in the future,
at any time,
all the time.
I'm ready because all the pain I know is just another reminder that we can feel;
like a pinch that brings you back to reality, to show you just what is really real.

Reviews

[z]

i loved this poem =]
it kept me interested from the beginning to end
good job portraying the emotions and setting the scene,
i was so into it i didn't realize when it was over... if that makes sense