Obvious To The Eye

I'm lucky.

And I watch everybody,
I listen.
I listen to the words that they say,
and the ones that they don't.
I wonder why I was never that important to any of them,
not that important at all.
Maybe it's because i'm so lost that I can't be found,
maybe i'm missing some simple components that would morph me,
and then I could be part of the whole,
and I watch everbody,
and I listen,
and I wonder just how I can change;
the ways that I could become a little bit more of everything,
a turn for the complete good,
one that I may have never made before,
but am still hopeful that my day will come when I can go down that road,
for I am sure that all of this s**t is going to become a huge f*****g blur,
and that sad faces, and even sadder days won't last,
in memory,
and as the obvious,
and the literal.
You know,
it's kinda like everyone is smiling at me,
but I know it's not how I want it,
because false hope is nothing but a wasted dream.
Now that all that is gone,
I cannot move,
cannot speak,
cannot breathe,
and can barely see.
Now that I am nothing,
maybe I can start painting again;
be given the opperatunity to make something beautiful.
I remember some words from somewhere,
maybe spoken in mind,
or maybe heard elsewhere,
but we've got to keep fighting the battle towards ultimate good,
no matter in what form,
because every day that I don't fight,
no one else will,
and I can't do that to myself,
and to anyone else,
and you could call me a hero at best,
maybe a patriot at least,
but i've got this map in my head,
and unlike what we see right now,
there will be a spectacle obvious to the eye,
and to the heart.
LIke a puzzle, soon enough even I will be able to see each one,
and the best thing about it is I will be the first,
and I could be legend,
in the smallest form,
or even bigger,
maybe,
just
maybe.
I remember the first time I climbed up that small dam,
atop some sort of glacier,
snowy,
although I felt no cold.
I remember looking down first into the cold,
black-blue water.
Small hunks of white in between,
turning the darks darker,
and the lights lighter.
I remember looking up, slowly,
at the perfectly shaped iceberg that lay right down the middle of my vision,
growing.
The sky,
it was so warped,
twisted blacks,
and whites,
and even that wasn't bad,
because it was all stunning,
and it was another part of the scenery.
And the best part,
there were two rainbowlike figures,
I know it wasn't like, the same colours,
but there were some I hadn't ever seen before,
along with some loved ones.
Scarlet,
and sky blue.
Emerald green,
and deep purple.
Going up into the sky,
intertwined,
but only wrapped around eachother once or twice,
and only close enough to feel the warmth,
and know there is another,
a ying to a yang,
that sort of thing.
It meant a lot to me when I look back,
and I know that I should've walked across the little pieces of ice,
keeping me from forever.
Instead I remember looking up,
and I saw that after a point
I
could
not
see
how
far
the
colours
ran,
and everything just sort of dissapeared into the sky,
so I held my arms up,
and I cried
with
a
smile
on
my
f*****g
face,
and I closed my eyes,
and like my heart,
everything just melted into the colours,
and I was scared,
and I was alone,
but nothing could harm me,
and ever since i've been lost inside of my dreams.

Reviews

[Succubi]

Very nice...it was so personal and touching
in a way I can relate to the thoughts you convey here
when you discover more and more about yourself
its tragic and painful to know some truths
but on the other hand its comforting to know that our dreams are there
and that is the one things that nobody or nothing can take away from us
no matter how bad the world goes, or no matter how bad the world changes (well in this world of today, its going from bad to worse)

[Cassandra]

Your writing just exudes such a personal honesty.. bare feelings .. written very beautifully and semi-tragically. Every word you write I can almost feel you discovering more about yourself. This piece was vivid and involved. It started off w/ you observing the world but then coming into private observations of your self, your own, kinda scary and yet comforting realizations.