The Mind-Body Connection

I have recently discovered i'm a Philosopher.

I watch my friends,
I watch them run into the darkness,
scared to show what they are.
Fading in parts, but yet all at once,
becoming one with the dark as it swallows them whole,
and it bothers me in a way how I could never be with them;
never be a part of the forever, or their forever now that has become something undefined by the standards of our world.
How eventually all time seems to melt away,
and memories are what define the time.
How long we've been alive,
i've always heard that heaven is that moment in life when you actually feel it,
not are one with it,
not when you're standing alone at the gates recieving judgement for situations we were stuffed into,
but we always did our best,
and always were the best at doing our best.
Now the things that are left to define us are not who we are at all,
a bunch of words,
some scribbles on a wall placed as a barrier between life,
and death.
I with countless others will write my name on this wall,
countless as in the tens,
the hundreds,
the thousand.
Countless as in the millions,
the billions,
the trillions.
Countless as in infinite,
as in the best there ever was,
and in that is I,
and you,
and we are a whole.
We are equals,
never will we be the same people,
the same person, even.
We can go together, and leave alone, if you would really want,
because atleast then I could say I was just blinded by the darkness,
the cover of the night.
I remember when I became brave,
when I realized that you must stand tall,
but be open.
You must stand strong,
but be wise.
I realized that I was a gift,
as an individual,
and that there are no limitations.
I let myself become strong,
and wise.
I learned from the best,
and the best may of even been myself sometimes,
but I grew up,
and I became brave,
like a soldier.
Like something seen by all, one in a million,
but admired all the same.
How I wish that I could be the one to report deep from within enemy territory,
the one who battled all the odds, odds in the form of
everything.
The one who could turn light to dark,
and darkness to ashes,
turning the air around us gray,
and our lungs all the same.
Lightening us the scenery nicely;
we watch the ashes fall to the ground
like
the
wings
of
an
angel.
Like feathers falling in an ark,
our lives playing out in the form of a metaphor,
or something;
a split-second type of something
right
before
our
eyes.

I just want something that wants me too,
so god damn sick of being lonely for beauty that's like love in it's purest,
most unobtainable form.
How both I have found, the all outs,
the major leagues,
and how both had slipped between my fingers like the sight of it all had.
How I could spend the days living on words I had never heard,
things I had never seen,
and people I guess I never really knew all that well.
Sometimes I wonder why we spend our lives like this,
why people spend their lifes lying to everyone,
sometimes unintentionally,
and sometimes intentionally.
How easily something can be mistaken, and mistoken,
how love and hate are so obviously and easily connected,
as how dreams relate to nightmares.
I'm just sick of all the relations,
and all the differances.
I'm sick of the unexplained efforts put into remembering, and building,
and all the wasted hope, and nights spent
face
down
on
the
floor,
in
a
puddle
of
tears,
where all you learn is that you were always right,
and that you'll never find something that could take your breath away.
I'm sick of my heart beating,
just still looking for that thing that can make it stop.
I'm sick of lying to myself,
saying that
everything
will
be
alright,
and that someday i'll get to everything that i've been waiting for for so f*****g long.
Nostalgic,
or maybe it's just the innocence coming back to me,
change, being something that never sat right with me.
If you could take me back to the times I couldn't breathe,
I might just die along the way,
but somehow I realize that might be the best possible way.

Now i'm just stunned,
and disoriented,
stunned at just how disoriented I really am.
How lost,
and lonely I feel,
and how no guidance has been offered into the unknowns of my heart,
how no one has been willing to pick up the pieces, and put them back together.
It's funny how eventually we all have to fall apart,
maybe fall together, even.
It's just too differentiated;
light from darkness.
Well, standing here for so long now I realize that there is no way out if you don't know the way,
but i'm working on the best way out of this mess.
I'm learning to stand together instead of falling apart,
and learning how to be brave when there's nothing familiar at all about these things.
Learning that evolution is all part of the eventual takeover,
the eventual loss of the mind-body connection.