THEN came LISA

Continuation of my first poem.

THEN came LISA.

 

I sat on a terrace thinking I was lost,

thinking I was lost�"lost forever.

The cloud hung around my head like a festoon,

stars danced in circles; round and round.

 

As I began to go into a swoon;

i saw a colourful bird�"

 swaying in the gentle breeze�"

her feathers forming rings of rainbows

around her.

 

Then I saw the sun steal its way through

her fine feathers stealthily in rays.

The rays shone so bright that it dazzled me

As I tried to open my eyes a moment later�"

 

She said�"I am Lisa.

Are you lost?

Reviews

[bobc]

K...kind of like this piece but I have some questions for you. I keep seeing " used in the poem but don't understand its purpose. Is that just a formatting error or something you intended? In the third line of the first stanza, did you consider abandoning the simile '...like a festoon'? It's the only one in the poem where the metaphors are so much stronger. You could say, 'The cloud festooned my head' or something like that and get the same meaning I think.

Just some ideas for you. Keep at it...bobc

[kpasome peter]

i love your review, thank you. it is a formatting error, i intended a hyphen. Your suggestion is also noted thanks.

[kpasome peter]

a dash i meant to write.

[Sami Khalil]

I like this poem and the anticipation aspect...Bravo